Новая 'игра'?

[Maimiti_Isabella]

It is of the utmost importance to be able to communicate effectively in an international environment which in this day and age encompasses all major business areas. Unfortunately, the vast majority of young and dynamic specialists who seek to work in such an environment and secure their economic future struggle to speak English eloquently. Even the experience of studying the dominant global language at school for ten years turns out to be not enough to draw upon. Those who have a good command of language are head and shoulders above the rest. As a result, English schools offering the communicative approach to master a foreign language that deviates from a generic teacher-oriented one are mushrooming.

Wow.
Интересно было бы почитать Ваше эссе.
dynamic specialists - specialists - это 'ложный друг переводчика': professionals
generic teacher-oriented - generic здесь не подходит.

[NortT]

Здесь все практически отлично. Very impressive! Не очень, правда, поняла, почему вы не могли обойтись без слова выделенным красным. В первой части предложения уже было указано, что речь идет о people, так что здесь вполне бы подошло those.

Теперь внимание вопрос
in an international corporation
for local companies

Чем обусловлена разница в предлогах? И вообще, какие предлоги больше подходят в данном случае?

Ну как по мне разница такая: работа В интер. компании (a job (a noun) in an international corporation) и работать на местную контору (to work (a verb) for local companies). Но я намек понял, что тут что-то не то Очевидно, что в первом случае нужно at (по аналогии с to study at school). А во втором случае.. хм.. не знаю. Вот в словаре нашел, вроде тоже самое:
work for
He works for a law firm.

Эта часть, к сожалению, не 'пошла'.

This is why some parents seek their kids to be thought a foreign language. However, many children deviate from the parents’ plan and do not pay attention to language classes.

А в каком плане не пошла? Grammar, task response, coherence?

P.S. Сейчас заметил только, что не thought, а taught. Постоянно путаю, но думаю проблема не в этом была.

[shirly]

Можно к вам?
У меня только уровень так себе..., но я все же попробую)

Nowadays having a good command of foreign languages is an essential factor of successful person's life. Most of employers seek to hire a candidate who speaks English, the dominant language of our dynamic world, rather than one who speaks only their native language. But speaking foreign language doesn't encompass just availability to secure person's economic future. Professional of any field in order to master their knowledge can get to know with their foreign colleagues works deeper if they can read the original, not translated, writings. That was just two reasons why people shouldn't deviate from learning English or any other language.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Many people believe that learning a foreign language can increase chances to secure one's future. In today globalised world having a good command of an international spoken language, opens a variety of options in terms of employment. Consequently, language skills are domineering over other abilities that employers are looking for.
However, mastering a foreign language is not as easy as one can conceive, it requires to encompass different techniques and methods to learn new words and enhance one's vocabulary. Moreover ? some learning methods suggest to deviate from traditional learning methods by practicing the language in a much more dynamic way, that involves speaking to more than one counterpart at a time.

Nevertheless ? one may seek to improve language comprehension by watching TV shows and listening broadcasting stations, hence may have to draw on new phrases and idioms from these.

Плохо ли, хорошо ли вы используете слова - все это вторично по отношению к проблеме с пунктуацией. Английскиая пунктуация очень отличается от русской (и многих других европейский и азиатских языков). Вам просто необходимо с этим разобраться.

Посмотрите какая форма используется после слов require и suggest.

Consequently, language skills are domineering over other abilities that employers are looking for - смысл непонятен.

involves speaking to more than one counterpart at a time - смысл непонятен.

to draw on - проверьте значение и употребление

etc

Punctuation rules

[Maimiti_Isabella]

In today’s dynamic world, it is immensely important to have a good command of a foreign language even if a person is not going to master it as a professor or a translator. This is especially true for English as the dominant language. One of the reasons is that people can draw on their knowledge of English to encompass worldwide political as well as economic problems watching different international channels in tandem with local ones. Another factor, which underpins the importance of learning foreign languages, is that people who know a foreign language can secure their economic future because they have an opportunity to find a job in an international corporation and have greater salary than people who work for local companies.

Здесь все практически отлично. Very impressive! Не очень, правда, поняла, почему вы не могли обойтись без слова выделенным красным. В первой части предложения уже было указано, что речь идет о people, так что здесь вполне бы подошло those.

Теперь внимание вопрос
in an international corporation
for local companies

Чем обусловлена разница в предлогах? И вообще, какие предлоги больше подходят в данном случае?

This is why some parents seek their kids to be thought a foreign language. However, many children deviate from the parents’ plan and do not pay attention to language classes.

Эта часть, к сожалению, не 'пошла'.

[Тина]

Надеюсь вы не против если я все таки буду продолжать играть в игру, чтобы тренироваться в надежде что 10я или 20я попытка будет удачной)))

In dynamic society it is absolutely necessary to be aware of at least one foreign language. There is no doubt, that between all languages in the world, English language is domineering. Almost all people in the world seek to master Global language, but the majority of them deviate from studying it in many reasons. However, the most stubborn and hardworking students reach the goal and have a good command of English. It is obvious, that knowledge of international language helps to pursue an economic future. In consequence, students all over the world draw on tutor's lessons to encompass not only English grammar but also English fluency.

[vok]

It is of the utmost importance to be able to communicate effectively in an international environment which in this day and age encompasses all major business areas. Unfortunately, the vast majority of young and dynamic specialists who seek to work in such an environment and secure their economic future struggle to speak English eloquently. Even the experience of studying the dominant global language at school for ten years turns out to be not enough to draw upon. Those who have a good command of language are head and shoulders above the rest. As a result, English schools offering the communicative approach to master a foreign language that deviates from a generic teacher-oriented one are mushrooming.

[z11aalex]

Many people believe that learning a foreign language can increase chances to secure one's future. In today globalised world having a good command of an international spoken language, opens a variety of options in terms of employment. Consequently, language skills are domineering over other abilities that employers are looking for.
However, mastering a foreign language is not as easy as one can conceive, it requires to encompass different techniques and methods to learn new words and enhance one's vocabulary. Moreover some learning methods suggest to deviate from traditional learning methods by practicing the language in a much more dynamic way, that involves speaking to more than one counterpart at a time.
Nevertheless one may seek to improve language comprehension by watching TV shows and listening broadcasting stations, hence may have to draw on new phrases and idioms from these.

[od1n]

Оправдания псто. Грустно это всё.

Ever heard about The KISS principle?

Да, даже про бритву Оккама могу рассказать. Но я не заметил у себя в тексте каких-то чрезмерных усложнений.

Why past tense?

Написал specialised по интуиции, поэтому мне нечем оправдаться, кроме как незнанием.

What do you mean by specialising in a dynamic field of knowledge?

ученые, которые специализируются в динамичной области знаний. Когда я писал, мне это казалось логичным

Why on earth would you use an indefinite article with a plural noun?

Да обычная ошибка, не замеченная про вычитке. Изначально я писал про что-то в единственном числе, потом исправил на достижения, а артикль вот остался.

Sorry but overall this is almost impossible to read. Would you like to re-write it? And don't forget to proof read!

Proofreading присутствует, но я пока не умею делать это сразу после написания текста (что крайне необходимо для ielts). Обычно я вычитываю через день или два и нахожу кучу ошибок, которых не замечаю сразу. В данном случае я и так писал почти 2 часа, чтобы хоть как-то начать приближаться к условиям экзамена, поэтому вычитывал сразу, поэтому столько ошибок.

Исправлять уже не стану из-за нехватки времени и концентрации, т.к. ближайшие дни теперь почти полностью заняты работой.

[NortT]

In today’s dynamic world, it is immensely important to have a good command of a foreign language even if a person is not going to master it as a professor or a translator. This is especially true for English as the dominant language. One of the reasons is that people can draw on their knowledge of English to encompass worldwide political as well as economic problems watching different international channels in tandem with local ones. Another factor, which underpins the importance of learning foreign languages, is that people who know a foreign language can secure their economic future because they have an opportunity to find a job in an international corporation and have greater salary than people who work for local companies. This is why some parents seek their kids to be thought a foreign language. However, many children deviate from the parents’ plan and do not pay attention to language classes.

[<кирилл>]

You've done a pretty decent job! Congratulations.

in order to secure one's economic future, learners --> their economic future
www - do not abbreviate
dynamic people - this sounds kind of strange in the given context
to master one's foreign language skills --> a foreign language (without'skills')
have a good command of communication - one cannot have a good command of communication. --> communication skills
to find employment easily --> to secure employment

Some problems with commas?

Tnx
Накосячил с one's/ their and couldn't think of any other place for "dynamic".


Обычно всё нормально с запятыми , но бывает что склероз нападает

[Maimiti_Isabella]

The importance of learning foreign tongue cannot be overvalued in modern life. Scientific researches can be considered as one of the most obvious example, where a foreign language may help to secure economic future.

Scientists especially who specialised in a dynamic field of knowledge try to master their skills by tracking a state-of-the-art achievements in scientific journals. However, in most cases such journals contain papers written in language, which is foreign for a scholar. In this case people who have a good command of foreign language will get the advantage. As a parenthetical note, English is absolutely domineering language for scientific papers to date.

By contrast, the importance can be not so obvious in other fields, so that some people who are afraid to deviate from a long-standing course of life refuses to learn other language. Commonly they seek to find any excuse to draw on in order to avoid the learning. For example, they remark that learning should encompass all aspects of language, but such result is pretty tough to achieve without expensive courses.

Ever heard about The KISS principle?

Scientific researches can be considered as one of the most obvious example, where a foreign language may help to secure economic future. - whose economic future? There's absolutely no reference to this; hence coherence problem.
scientific research (sing) - you're talking about a/the concept, not specific researches
one of examples vs. one example


Scientists especially who specialised in a dynamic field of knowledge try to master their skills by tracking a state-of-the-art achievements in scientific journals. - Why past tense? What do you mean by specialising in a dynamic field of knowledge? Why on earth would you use an indefinite article with a plural noun? And I'm sorry but you lost me i this sentence!

Sorry but overall this is almost impossible to read. Would you like to re-write it? And don't forget to proof read!

[Maimiti_Isabella]

In present-day society, communication between people from all over the world in the internet dominates other types of communication, therefore foreign languages play an important role in our life. Any modern dynamic person must know well at least one foreign language.

People learn foreign languages for different reasons. Some people do it in order to use new language in their work; they want to secure their economic future. Some people learn languages with an eye to traveling abroad.

In order to master foreign language, it is important to understand a way of thinking of native speakers, and it is necessary to seek to learn culture of native speakers, because any language encompasses culture, traditions and many other things. Some people learn several languages. Since they have a good command of at least one foreign language, they can draw on their experience and learn yet another one. Some people couldn’t learn even one foreign language and they don’t think about learning another languages. These people should not deviate from the chosen way.

Knowing of foreign languages enrich our lives. We can read foreign books, watch films, communicate with people in other countries and do anything else if we know foreign languages.

Everything seems to be OK from the point of view of the use of the compulsory words.

On a different note though. You've demonstrated some pretty good English but at the same time you make some rather basic mistakes.

• First, make sure NOT to use commas before signposting words like therefore, in other words, in addition, etc These word do NOT join sentences: they join/link ideas.
• Do NOT use we, I, you or us in formal writings unless you're responding to an opinion questions (What do you think ...?) and even then it's better to avoid those pronouns.
• to learn a foreign language

etc

[od1n]

Сам запорол - сам ответь.

Согласно вики: Language is the ability to acquire and use complex systems of communication, particularly the human ability to do so, and a language is any specific example of such a system.

Так что в моём случае артикль нужен.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

These days, when rapidly changing job market has become even more competitive than a few decades ago, learning a foreign language is of paramount importance for those who seek to find a decent job. Therefore, in order to secure one's economic future, learners should deviate from outdated learning techniques that dominate in education, and encompass a wide range of cutting-edge methods of studying. This might be achieved, for instance, by drawing on different internet based resources for language learners. There are numerous sites available on the WWW, where dynamic people can find everything they need in order to master one's foreign language skills. By doing so, job seekers will have a good command of communication in a foreign language and will be able to find employment easily.

You've done a pretty decent job! Congratulations.

in order to secure one's economic future, learners --> their economic future
www - do not abbreviate
dynamic people - this sounds kind of strange in the given context
to master one's foreign language skills --> a foreign language (without'skills')
have a good command of communication - one cannot have a good command of communication. --> communication skills
to find employment easily --> to secure employment

Some problems with commas?