Новая 'игра'?

[julyp]

For the last 30 years a distribution of population in the cities and countryside changes. We can see a large influx of people from villages. More and more people flock to the cities. Essentially, it is the students who come to study and then stay to work, and people who want to make more money. Thus, urban sprawl happens, consequently population of countryside decreases. Since a number of city-folk grows and a number of workplaces stays constant, then an unemployment rate increases and the working poor appear.

But now the government contributes people who live in countryside, for instance, salary of teachers are increased much more in countryside than in the cities, or businessmen have some privileges in countryside. However, population in a countryside decreases despite these government steps. Sometimes villages have so small number of people that they have to migrate to another village and abandon their homes. These dead villages are starting to look disastrous in time, they look like a real wasteland!

[z11aalex]

According to statistics one out of four urban resident comes from rural areas. The influx of rural inhabitants is usually among the youth who constitutes the majority of the working poor and are more likely to abandon their homes in looking for a better income.
The urbanisation is reaching disastrous consequences, as migration among rural residents contributes to the expansion of wasteland within the rural areas and urban sprawl in the cities.

Flock is missing, although I struggled to find a place I did not manage to find a suitable place within my poor text

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Честно сказать не уверен описанное ниже попадает под определение Changing demographics или нет. На самом деле, сразу не обратил внимание, что кроме слов есть еще и топик

Over the past few years some European countries have faced the problem of influx of refugees from Africa and the Middle East. People flocking to Europe hope to find a better life in the affluent region; however, many of them still remain the working poor as they were in their country of origin. The main reason why people leave wastelands is that they try to escape from disastrous effects of wars. Sometimes the process of migration might be quite dangerous and some individuals perish during their journey from one country to another but migrants still do not abandon the idea of migration. The inflow of refugees leads to unrests among Europeans. People claim that migrants steal jobs as well as contribute to urban sprawl.

Очень здорово!
Только слово wastelands употреблено неправильно, или может вы просто идею не раскрыли до конца?

Совет: то, что выделенно зеленым надо nominalise.

Your progress is astonishing!

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Больно не бейте тока )))

Without doubts, the demographic crisis exist everywhere. People who lives in villages are trying to flock to cities. By that they abandon and create wasteland in their own villages and towns. The influx of new citizens is a reason for urban sprawl. In general, migrants are not well educated and they are poor working class. Usually, this community live in suburbs what also contribute an enormous cities. Such movement is the disaster for the small towns and villages. However, this is a normal cycle and it happens everywhere, people from villages move to towns, from towns to cities, from cities to abroad.

Considering your level of English, this is a very impressive effort as all the words are used appropriately. However, you slightly changed the one highlighted in red, for no apparent reason.

Серьезная ошибка с использованием what в качестве relative pronoun в данном предложении - a clear case of Runglish.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

In the last few decades , urbanisation has caused substantial changes in the modern world. Due to the massive construction of different factories outside some cities, a considerable influx of people have moved to these areas in order to find jobs there. With the arrival of tremendous flock of the working poor, a considerable number of cheap houses have been built in these areas to provide housing for the newcomers . This development has contributed to major urban sprawls around many big cities.

However, a new trend has been developing these days that could lead to disastrous consequences in some countries. When many factories have been relocated to the developing world, a lot of people have been moving back to central districts, having abandoned their houses in outskirts. Therefore, those areas are becoming wastelands, and cannot be used in any way.

Очень хорошо!
Но мне не нравится сочетание tremendous flock. Да и вообще, в этом значении лучше использовать flock в качестве глагола.

outside some cities -yuck! Возьмите на 'заметку': city fringe/s.
different factories --> a wide range of factories / manufacturing facilities
of cheap houses --> cheap dwellings
in order to find jobs --> in search for job opportunities

Вам же нужен хороший балл - улучшайте свой словарный запас! Вы мою старую тему Useful Readings for IELTS просматривали?

[Maimiti_Isabella]

С почином меня.


One of the acute global problems to date is incessant urban sprawl. This problem becomes especially more disastrous in countries with the undeveloped agriculture sector. The young generation makes a substantial contribution to the problem by flocking into local urban districts and, as a consequence, the median age of a villager is constantly growing. In some cases a rural settlement can be even abandoned, what almost turns already underpopulated territories into a lifeless wasteland.

On the other hand, internal migrants also influence on local residents of cities. The influx of people causes the imbalance on the local labour market. For this reason more and more people in cities becomes a working poor, failing the working competetion with relatively cheap man power.

С почином!
Все 'обязательные' слова употреблены правильно, но вот откуда при вашем уровне - у вас же неплохой уровень насколько я понимаю - взялась такая элементарная ошибка как выделенное красным?

growing vs. increasing

[Maimiti_Isabella]

I'm having a break till tomorrow. Sorry.

Hopefully, even more people are going to contribute by then.

[NortT]

Очень здорово!
Только слово wastelands употреблено неправильно, или может вы просто идею не раскрыли до конца?

Совет: то, что выделенно зеленым надо nominalise.

Your progress is astonishing!

Спасибо. Про nominalise понятно. Про wasteland согласен, нужно было предложение задом наперед написать, что бы было понятно, что wasteland это следствие военных действий, имелось ввиду в этом контексте.

[<кирилл>]

Очень хорошо!
Но мне не нравится сочетание tremendous flock. Да и вообще, в этом значении лучше использовать flock в качестве глагола.

outside some cities -yuck! Возьмите на 'заметку': city fringe/s.
different factories --> a wide range of factories / manufacturing facilities
of cheap houses --> cheap dwellings
in order to find jobs --> in search for job opportunities

Вам же нужен хороший балл - улучшайте свой словарный запас! Вы мою старую тему Useful Readings for IELTS просматривали?

Tnx

Да , потихоньку читаю статьи из той темы

[Mrs X]

Considering your level of English, this is a very impressive effort as all the words are used appropriately. However, you slightly changed the one highlighted in red, for no apparent reason.

Серьезная ошибка с использованием what в качестве relative pronoun в данном предложении - a clear case of Runglish.

написала which, но почему то изменила на what потом когда проверяла.

я не знаю на какую оценку это потянет, но мне надо как минимум 6,5 получить для универа.

Через неделю начинаю учебу в колледже, но странно что они даже не спросили и не узнали мой уровень инглиша, а ведь год назад у меня за райтинг было 5,5. Думаю через пару месяцев идти на экзамен, наверное привыкну к академическому английскому после того как учебу начну. Хотя мне англики все говорят что у меня хороший английский, а я им не верю, думаю все врут, собаки ))) Я очень стесняюсь говорить и думаю что говорю всегда с ошибками, наверное у меня это не пройдет никогда, ведь я живу в англо-говорящей среде уже 5 лет, а конкретно английский стала узучать почти с нуля только всего 2 года как.

[od1n]

С почином!
у вас же неплохой уровень насколько я понимаю

Так если бы был неплохой, откуда бы ошибки детские взялись?
Про relative clause вот вчера только и узнал.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Хотя мне англики все говорят что у меня хороший английский, а я им не верю, думаю все врут, собаки )))

Показатель хорошего английского - когда вам перестают говорить, что у вас хороший английский

Они не врут - они просто по другому не умеют. Культура такая

[Maimiti_Isabella]

For the last 30 years a distribution of population in the cities and countryside changes. We can see a large influx of people from villages. More and more people flock to the cities. Essentially, it is the students who come to study and then stay to work, and people who want to make more money. Thus, urban sprawl happens, consequently population of countryside decreases. Since a number of city-folk grows and a number of workplaces stays constant, then an unemployment rate increases and the working poor appear.

But now the government contributes people who live in countryside, for instance, salary of teachers are increased much more in countryside than in the cities, or businessmen have some privileges in countryside. However, population in a countryside decreases despite these government steps. Sometimes villages have so small number of people that they have to migrate to another village and abandon their homes. These dead villages are starting to look disastrous in time, they look like a real wasteland!

Слово contributes употрбелено неправильно.

Я не очень поняла связь первого и второго абзаца. Вроде как о разных вещах говорите? Также непонятно откуда в первом абзаце вдруг взялись студенты, если речь шла о деревнях?

У вас хорошая база для изучения английского и подготовки к IELTS. Для начала надо изучить что такое IELTS о какие требования к writing.

Также очень советую прочитать вот эту тему: http://www.gday.ru/forum/ielts/20381...our-essay.html

[Maimiti_Isabella]

According to statistics one out of four urban resident comes from rural areas. The influx of rural inhabitants is usually among the youth who constitutes the majority of the working poor and are more likely to abandon their homes in looking for a better income.
The urbanisation is reaching disastrous consequences, as migration among rural residents contributes to the expansion of wasteland within the rural areas and urban sprawl in the cities.

Flock is missing, although I struggled to find a place I did not manage to find a suitable place within my poor text

Заданные слова вы все употребили правильно, а над английским надо работать. Но зато вы уже знаете несколько 'хороших' слов

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Вроде все ответила.

Ну как вам эта 'игра'?

Продолжаем или эксперимент не совсем удачный?