Новая 'игра'?

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Urbanization has both positive and negative sides.

Positive side is that the level of provision of services is improved in cities. People are forced to improve their infrastructure. As well some resources are more limited in cities than in countryside, that’s why people has more social responsibility, and they must take care not only about themselves.

Also urbanization draws a number of problems: people flocks to big cities and some of them populate informal settlements or squatter empty uninhabited houses. Usually the mortality rate in these areas is high due to ill health, inadequate and unhealthy conditions of detention and poor health care. This situation exhibits that there are some troubles such as a deficient number of houses and jobs for migrants.

У вас к сожалению очень много проблем с английским. И дело здесь совсем не в 'заданных словах': их-то вы проверили в словаре, а вот остальное...

в качестве примера:
some of them populate informal settlements - them это cities? Как можно populate эти самые informal settlements? Если вы populate что-то, то оно уже formal по определению
squatter
что такое вообще detention в unhealthy conditions of detention and poor health care
exhibits - переходный глагол

и т.д.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Не знал про запятые перед наречием, виноват. И про influx зделал из него глагол, значит нельзя Будем учится.

http://www.gday.ru/forum/ielts/20381...our-essay.html - я специально эту тему подняла наверх.

[z11aalex]

С английским серьезные проблемы. И на полном серьезе предупреждаю, что еще раз поставите запятую перед therefore или however - буду вас игнорировать

ill health и
influx использованy неправильно - обратите внимание на часть речи в обоих случаях

В общем, главная проблема - английский.

Не знал про запятые перед наречием, виноват. И про influx зделал из него глагол, значит нельзя Будем учится.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Background: 1.5 часа работы с отвлеканием, использование словарей.
Натужно пока как-то выходит.

In the last several years many cities began to suffer from the explosive growth of informal settlements. Providing prompt measures to resolve the issue, local governments try to reduce their number by cutting the provision of public services. In their opinion it is a required step as city's infrastructure acutely suffers from unplanned interference of squatters. Also, as practice shows, the most of dwellers of such mean streets exhibit the absence of any kind of social responsibility.

Whereas the inhabitants try to draw attention to their problem. For example, as a consequence of inadequate treatment the majority of that unwelcomed citizens has ill health.

Вроде бы и практически все слова употреблены правильно, но да, как-то 'натужно'. И некоторые вещи непонятны, например, что означает 'interference of squatters'?
Выделенное красным - неполное предложение.

В общем, есть над чем работать

[Maimiti_Isabella]

The 21 century is getting remarkable by population migration across the globe, therefore gaining more and more attention. Due to some local conflicts, the population is trying to escape the conflict area and find a shelter; usually flocked in groups they influx nearby countries heading towards west.

Typically migrants build informal settlements or occupy uninhabited buildings at the outskirts of big cities. Unfortunately those settlements lacks of basic infrastructure such as running water, sewage system which turns out to cause hygienic type diseases among the already ill health migrants.

Local authorities are struggling at service provisioning including medical treatment, social counseling and juridical assistance, thus exhibiting social responsibilities towards the refugees.

Nevertheless some of the locals consider them as squatters- having no legal rights to settle near by, however the majority believes such thinking as inadequate and draw a special attention to this issue.

С английским серьезные проблемы. И на полном серьезе предупреждаю, что еще раз поставите запятую перед therefore или however - буду вас игнорировать

ill health и
influx использованy неправильно - обратите внимание на часть речи в обоих случаях

В общем, главная проблема - английский.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Problems of informal settlements draw attention to themselves all over the world. There are different issues which squatters suffer living in these camp-like dwellings. One of these problems is that people have ill health because of inadequate infrastructure. For instance, absence of fresh water or sewers in these areas might lead to outbreak of different diseases. Another thing which drastically influences people’s quality of life is the lack of provision of services. In order to prevent the above-mentioned consequences authorities ought to exhibit social responsibility. For example, the needy should be provided with free medication or means of hygiene.

Looks good!


Anything 'smarter' than different diseases? Any other adjective?

Another thing - try not to use 'thing' in formal essays.

the needy - this word has quite a negative connotations. --> Those in need.

[Mrs X]

Abandoned apartments draw squatters and criminal elements of society. Empty flats and houses form informal settlements and inadequate atmosphere around. Moreover, marginals dont have a social responsibility which affect to infrastructure and service provided. Usually, they dont pay any utility bills and dont look after the property what they occupied. This behaviour is a cause of infections and diseases, therefore, it influences on their health and illnesses.

не смогла придумать куда to exhibit вставить )))

[Lienne]

Присоединюсь в ряды

The constant influx of a large number of people into big cities draws negative consequences in the housing sphere.
Landlords trying to get more money allow overcrowding within dwelling. This is illegal, so owners make only informal rent settlements with their occupants. By doing this they exhibit an absence of their social responsibility.
There is another problem in developing countries. Widely spread the process when people occupy places without lawful permission. Squatters usually settle on territories with inadequate infrastructure. Consequently, they cannot rely on provision of services like police or health care. It can be danger to live in such poor conditions, especially for the people with ill health. For example, inadequate medical care can cause disability or death.

[MariaAn]

я пока просто пытаюсь использовать слова в каком-то связном отрывке текста.

Due to number of people wanted to live in cities grows in size, there is the increase of an informal settlements in suburban areas.
In a such type of living squatters may have an ill health because of facing to lack of provision of services. Likewise, if someone feels unwell, he probably will be inadequate for work.
If the draw to move is strong, people should understand that they need be united and
exhibit an interest to ability to work together to create an infrastructure.

[julyp]

Urbanization has both positive and negative sides.

Positive side is that the level of provision of services is improved in cities. People are forced to improve their infrastructure. As well some resources are more limited in cities than in countryside, that’s why people has more social responsibility, and they must take care not only about themselves.

Also urbanization draws a number of problems: people flocks to big cities and some of them populate informal settlements or squatter empty uninhabited houses. Usually the mortality rate in these areas is high due to ill health, inadequate and unhealthy conditions of detention and poor health care. This situation exhibits that there are some troubles such as a deficient number of houses and jobs for migrants.

[od1n]

Background: 1.5 часа работы с отвлеканием, использование словарей.
Натужно пока как-то выходит.

In the last several years many cities began to suffer from the explosive growth of informal settlements. Providing prompt measures to resolve the issue, local governments try to reduce their number by cutting the provision of public services. In their opinion it is a required step as city's infrastructure acutely suffers from unplanned interference of squatters. Also, as practice shows, the most of dwellers of such mean streets exhibit the absence of any kind of social responsibility.

Whereas the inhabitants try to draw attention to their problem. For example, as a consequence of inadequate treatment the majority of that unwelcomed citizens has ill health.

[z11aalex]

The 21 century is getting remarkable by population migration across the globe, therefore gaining more and more attention. Due to some local conflicts, the population is trying to escape the conflict area and find a shelter; usually flocked in groups they influx nearby countries heading towards west.

Typically migrants build informal settlements or occupy uninhabited buildings at the outskirts of big cities. Unfortunately those settlements lacks of basic infrastructure such as running water, sewage system which turns out to cause hygienic type diseases among the already ill health migrants.

Local authorities are struggling at service provisioning including medical treatment, social counseling and juridical assistance, thus exhibiting social responsibilities towards the refugees.

Nevertheless some of the locals consider them as squatters- having no legal rights to settle near by, however the majority believes such thinking as inadequate and draw a special attention to this issue.

[NortT]

Problems of informal settlements draw attention to themselves all over the world. There are different issues which squatters suffer living in these camp-like dwellings. One of these problems is that people have ill health because of inadequate infrastructure. For instance, absence of fresh water or sewers in these areas might lead to outbreak of different diseases. Another thing which drastically influences people’s quality of life is the lack of provision of services. In order to prevent the above-mentioned consequences authorities ought to exhibit social responsibility. For example, the needy should be provided with free medication or means of hygiene.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Same topic: urbanisation / changing demographics

1. to draw (NOT pictures )
2. informal settlements
3. infrastructure
4. social responsibility
5. provision of services
6. squatters
7. to exhibit
8. ill health
9. inadequate

[<кирилл>]

Отличная игра! Слова хорошо устаиваются