My essay, проверьте, покритикуйте! Спасибо!

[curlygirl]

Алексей Викторович, спасибо большое за комментарий. Я конечно, не со всем согласна. Но приятно, что Вы отозвались... Меня уже пока ничего не интересует, кроме результатов, так как вчера сдавала IELTS в Киеве. Последующие две недели остается только ждать.
Кстати, хотя не в тему, но хочу сказать какая глупая тема была вчера на writing. Типа, некоторые люди считают, что надо ввести новый предмет в среднее образование, такой как, "международные новости". Другие говорят, что это напрасная трата времени и ресурсов. Обсудите обе точки зрения и выскажите свою собственную.
Я была просто в замешательстве от самой темы. Ну, конечно, написала, что то там. Незнаю, что из этого выйдет. Остается только ждать...

[May87]

curlygirl,желаю вам получить именно те резалты, которых ждете
Мне это только предстоит, поэтому не могли бы вы поподробнее расписать в теме Новые темы writing и speaking (сдавшие поделитесь!) что было на лист-ге, ридинге и райтинге. Буду ОЧ признательна

Заранее МЕРСИ

[May87]

Я заметила, что никто не выкладывает здесь эссе по графикам...ммм...понятно, что не видя их сложно судить о достоверности и правильности информации, но все же хочу услышать ваше мнение, уважаемые эксперты, хотя бы по грамматике, структуре и.т.д.
Вот....

Короче на 2-х графиках изображены кривые: зависимости количества водителей, пойманных за нарушения на дорогах в Британии и времени \8 лет\, и количество людей, погибших в дорожных авариях за 8-летний период. Также опрос людей об установке камер наблюдения на дорогах.

The graphs provide the data about the number of road cameras fines and number of accidents on the roads for last period of 8 years. In addition, there are results of survey about speed cameras, its impact, number and reason for installation.

We can see from the first graph that number of taxes went up drammatically by eightfolds from 200 000 to 1 600 000 for last 8 years. It was gradually increasing during 5 years, then climbed sharply by 170% from 600 000 to 1 600 000. As 56% of people in Britain thought, it happened due to a big amount of road cameras.

The second graph shows the fluctuation in number of fatal transport accidents for the period of 8 years. It is obvious from the graph that the increased amount of road camera fines had no affection to the number of accidents with deaths on the roads. Furthermore, as survey showed most of people, about 60%, suggested that speed cameras not only didn't help to reduce the number of accidents, but also were set up for raising the profit from taxes.

Overall, in spite of raising number of speed cameras and number of fines, amount of road accidents hadn't any tendency to decline.

[curlygirl]

curlygirl,желаю вам получить именно те резалты, которых ждете
Мне это только предстоит, поэтому не могли бы вы поподробнее расписать в теме Новые темы writing и speaking (сдавшие поделитесь!) что было на лист-ге, ридинге и райтинге. Буду ОЧ признательна

Заранее МЕРСИ

Уже. Читайте. Буду рада, если кому-то поможет.

[curlygirl]

The graphs provide the data about the number of road cameras fines and number of accidents on the roads (1) for last period of 8 years. In addition, there are results of survey about speed cameras, its impact, number and reason for installation.

(2) We can see from the first graph that number of taxes went up drammatically by eightfolds from 200 000 to 1 600 000 for last 8 years. It was gradually increasing during 5 years, then climbed sharply by 170% from 600 000 to 1 600 000. As 56% of people in Britain thought, it happened due to a big amount of road cameras.

The second graph shows the fluctuation in number of fatal transport accidents for the period of 8 years. It is obvious from the graph that the increased amount of road camera fines had no affection to the number of accidents with deaths on the roads. Furthermore, as survey showed most of people, about 60%, suggested that speed cameras not only didn't help to reduce the number of accidents, but also were set up for raising the profit from taxes.

Overall, in spite of raising number of speed cameras and number of fines, (3)amount of road accidents (4) hadn't any tendency to decline.

Ну раз вы просите комментариев... Вот Вам!

(1) for the period of last 8 years
(2) Желательно не использовать личные местоимения, а заменять их безличными выражениями. Типа "It can be seen... or It can be observed..."
(3) я бы сказала "the number of"
(4) как то не звучит. То ли глагола еще одного не хватает.

А вообще, очень даже неплохо. На 7 точно, я думаю.

[May87]

curlygirl, спасибо за то, что отозвались У меня уже завтра судный день... надеюсь на самое лучшее. Не могли бы вы еще пояснить какая тема была у вас для 1-го эссе, графики или карта процесса??
Как общее впечатление от лист-га и рид-га?

Еще хочу обратиться ко всем, кто в курсе, при подсчете слов в эссе учитываются ли повторяющиеся слова и артикли?

Спасибо заранее

[Буль]

для чего эти все ессэ пишите?

[Ida]

Всем привет!
Я пишу много эссе и часто, но возникли сомнения (червячок-с) на сколько адекватны и на сколько потянут. вот это например..
Некоторые родители поощряют детский part-time труд, другие считают, что дети должны "наслаждаться детством". Discuss it.

Modern society is more independent and free than it has even been and it makes parents to give children more freedom than they have received in their childhood. One of the most popular methods they use is to encourage part-time job of their children. This method has many opponents who believe that children should have happy childhood without adult problems. We will consider both opinions below.
Those who disagree with child labor argue that it exerts bad influence of child’s psychology and nobody knows how serious implications it may have. They suppose that children face too much problems at work which are difficult and stressful even for adults. Another their argument is that children who combine work with study begin to pay less attention to school programme and as a result they become not very good pupils.
People who support child labor believe that work makes children more responsible, they begin to understand the value of money and study to take self-reliable decisions. They argue that there are many examples of famous and successful people who worked in their childhood and such experience was very important and useful for them. An additional advantage of child labor is that children who are busy at work and at school study to organize their time more effective.
Taking everything into concideration, I am inclined to believe that child labor has more advantages than disadvantages. At the same time parents should pay delicate attention to the children and control how do they cope with their responsobilities in order to help them to find a neat balance between work and school.
мне важно понять насколько смысловое наполнение соответствует тому что должно быть в эссе
заранее боооольшущее спасибо за ответ..

[Ida]

May87
Еще хочу обратиться ко всем, кто в курсе, при подсчете слов в эссе учитываются ли повторяющиеся слова и артикли?


Наверняка- Да.

[Yulia_N]

ЭССЕ

Всем привет. Выкладываю свое эссе. Очень хотелось бы знать на какую оценку претендует сие творение....

How do movies or television influence on people behavior

Television is one of the sources of getting useful information nowadays. It is hard to imaginу that a modern society has no such things as advertisements, news, and weather forecast and so on. At the same time some TV programs and movies are very appealing and popular between various wide sections of the population and some are really boring. Social researches argue that TV and movies are factors, which influence to our personality and behavior. I fully agree with this statement and find that mass media is a source of manipulation.

Firstly, style people in films and advertisements make us want the same things and behave like a favorite actor in a common situation. For example, after a favorite movie about James Bond we could have seen people wearing clothes like him and buying the same mark of car. Another example is after viewing some contemporary serials; our children get some ideas and make hasty steps such as steel something, speak in cruel words and others.

Secondly, information, we get from news, TV programs, make us change a decision, when it has been already made, or to believe facts, even if they are not correct. If a person hesitates for whom is voted on president’s election he usually watches TV. Politicos know about it and find mass media as a greatest play ground. Example of changing plans is a forecast, for example. If you are going to have a holiday on a beach and see that bad weather is expected, you might change your mind and spend your time in another place; also all know the weather forecasters are always mistaken.

In conclusion, all information, which was provided, shows that TV manipulates person’s mind. I believe that news, movies and programs make us behave in unexpected way, change or life style, buy famous brands and others. In any event, person can be undergoing with something if he really wants, otherwise he doesn’t react to any information he gets.

[Lavrentiy]

Всем привет!
Я пишу много эссе и часто, но возникли сомнения (червячок-с) на сколько адекватны и на сколько потянут. вот это например..
Некоторые родители поощряют детский part-time труд, другие считают, что дети должны "наслаждаться детством". Discuss it.

Некоторые родители поощряют детский part-time труд, другие считают, что дети должны "наслаждаться детством". Discuss it.

Modern society is more independent and free than it has even been and it makes parents (1) to give children more freedom than they (2) have received in (3) their childhood. One of the most popular methods they use is to (4) encourage part-time job of their children. This method has many opponents who believe that children should have happy childhood without adult problems. We will consider both opinions below.
Those who disagree with child (5) labor argue that it exerts bad influence (6) of child’s psychology and nobody knows (7) how serious implications it may have. They suppose that children face ( too much problems at work which are difficult and stressful even for adults. (9) Another their argument is that children who combine work with study begin (10) to pay less attention to school programme and as a result they become not very good pupils.
People who support child (11) labor believe that work makes children more responsible, they begin to understand the value of money and (12) study to take self-reliable decisions. They argue that there are many examples of famous and successful people who worked in their childhood and such experience was very important and useful for them. An additional advantage of (13) child labor is that children who are busy at work and at school (14) study to organize their time more effective.
Taking everything into (15) concideration, I am inclined to believe that (16) child labor has more advantages than disadvantages. At the same time parents should (17) pay delicate attention to (1 the children and (19) control how (20) do they cope with their (21) responsobilities in order to help them (22) to find (23) a neat balance between work and school.
мне важно понять насколько смысловое наполнение соответствует тому что должно быть в эссе

(1) to – ne nado
(2) have – ne nado
(3) their own childhood – luchshe?
(4) Sounds like they are trying to encourage jobs rather than children. They are trying to encourage their children to take/get part-time jobs.
(5) labour
(6) on child’s psychology
(7) You are trying to say two different things at the same time: 1. that there may be serious implications; and 2. nobody knows how serious these may be. Vtoroe podrazumevaet pervoe, t.e. pervoe schitaetsja i tak ponjatnym chitatelju, t.e. opredelennyj, a znachit nado: how serious THE implications it may have.
( too MANY
(9) Another of their argumentS
(10) to pay less attention AT SCHOOL- luchshe?
(11) smotri (5)
(12) learn, a ne study
(13) Child labour – podrazumevaet ekspluataciju detskogo truda. Eto ponjatie Marksistskoe. Uberite iz esse potomu chto nikto v nashi dni ne podderzhivaet child labour.
(14) LEARN! a ne study
(15) consideration
(16) smotri (13)
(17) pay close attention – luchshe?
(1 the – ne nado. Ili “their children”
(19) and see how they cope – luchshe? Glagol “to control” – imeet negativnujy konnotaciju, naprimer: control freak.
(20) do – ne nado
(21) responsibilities
(22) to – ne nado
(23) a healthy/good/appropriate balance – luchshe? Neat – zdes’ zvuchit stranno.

Мысли простенькие, незамысловатые, крепко привязанные к шаблону. Всё человечество делится только на две категории. Так даже детям понятно. Детский сад. Грубая ошибка - употребление фразы "чайлд лейбор", которая подразумевает эксплуатацию и бесправие ребенка. Слабая грамматика. Есть орфографичекие ошибки. Ну в общем так. Вояйте еще!

[Ida]

Lavrentiy, спасибо за такую оперативную проверку!!!!!
Вы на моем эссе просто камня на камне не оставили и так шустро )))
даа.. есть о чем подумать

[Lavrentiy]

Lavrentiy, спасибо за такую оперативную проверку!!!!!
Вы на моем эссе просто камня на камне не оставили и так шустро )))
даа.. есть о чем подумать

my pleasure

[Lavrentiy]

Всем привет. Выкладываю свое эссе. Очень хотелось бы знать на какую оценку претендует сие творение....

How do movies or television influence on people behavior.

How do movies or television influence on people behavior

Television is one of the sources of getting useful information nowadays. It is hard to imaginу that a modern society (1) has no such things as advertisements, news, and weather forecast and so on. At the same time some TV programs and movies are very appealing and popular (2) between various wide sections of the population (3) and some are really boring. Social (4) researches argue that TV and movies are factors (5), which influence (6) to our personality and (7) behavior. I fully agree with this statement and find that mass media is a source of manipulation.

Firstly, ( style people in films and advertisements make us want the same things and behave like a (9) favorite actor in a common situation. For example, after a favorite movie about James Bond (10) we (11) could have seen people wearing clothes like him and buying the same (12) mark of car. (13) Another example is after viewing some contemporary serials; our children get some ideas and make hasty steps such as (14) steel something, speak in cruel words (15) and others.

Secondly, information, we get from news, TV programs, make us change a decision, when it has been already made, or to believe facts, even if they are not correct. If a person (16) hesitates for whom is voted on president’s election he usually watches TV. (17) Politicos know about it and find mass media as (1 a greatest play ground. (19) Example of changing plans is a forecast, (20) for example. If you are going to have a holiday on a beach and see that bad weather is expected, you might change your mind and spend your time in another place; also (21) all know the weather forecasters are always mistaken.

In conclusion, all information, which (22) was provided, shows that TV manipulates (23) person’s mind. I believe that news, movies and programs make us behave in (24) unexpected way, change (25) or life style, buy famous brands (26) and others. In any event, (27) person (2 can be undergoing with something if he really wants, otherwise he doesn’t react to any information he gets.

(1) without such things as… - luchshe?
(2) popular with various…
(3) but some are really boring
(4) researcheRs
(5) , - ne nado
(6) to – ne nado
(7) behaviour. “Don’t talk about sex please – we are British.” )))
( stylish people ili people of style
(9) favourite
(10) vstavit’: is released – luchshe?
(11) we may see people wearing – luchshe?
(12) “marka mashiny” po-anglijski “make of car”. What make is your car?
(13) Sounds like your example follows viewing. Get it? Nado perepisat’: Here is another example: after viewing...
(14) steal
(15) and so on. – luchshe?
(16) hesitates who to vote for in presidential elections
(17) politicians
(1 the! – because superlative
(19) An example
(20) repetition of “example”
(21) everyone/everybody – luchshe
(22) which has just been provided
(23) a person’s mind
(24) in AN unexpected way
(25) our
(26) et cetera/ and so on / and the like – luchshe?
(27) a person
(2 “can be undergoing with something” – ne ponimaju. chto eto znachit?

Мда-с, шедевр. Прогноз погоды в большинстве случев не vrет, как у нас в Англии, например, хотя стана очень погодонеустойчива. Почему никто не приводит личных примеров? всё так удаленно, абстрактно, мечталетьно. какие-то там люди не едут на курорт прогноза погоды устрашившися. А хитрые политики - и только они одни - раскусили силу воздействия масс-медии на глупое быдло. Детский лепет. Сколько вам лет? Вейк ап анд смел зе кофе! Ну, вы даете. Напишите что-то биографическое, про себя, как вот вы посмотрели фильм про Бонда и побежали покупать часы "Омега" или наоборот вас затошнило от "Омеги". Кстати, не мог равнодушно пройти про Бонда т.к. просмотрел все фильмы и прочитал все романы Флеминга, причем в оригинале. И вам того рекомендую. Успехов и побед!

[Ida]

Lavrentiy, вы в числе прочего пишите на счет интеллектуальной составляющей. и о том написан детский лепет или нет. я для себя экзамен представляю как проверку уровня английского.. а не интеллекта.. я ошибаюсь? ведь одно дело структура и логика изложения - и другое что именно излагается. или нет?