My essay, проверьте, покритикуйте! Спасибо!

[Vanderley]

Vanderley, поясните плиз почему я не могу использовать "has happened"?

Извините за ответ вопросом на вопрос, но что вам говорит о том, что тут должно быть презент перфект?

Презент перфект - действие в прошлом, которое имеет какую-то привязку к настоящему. То что, вы сейчас говорите об каких-то прошедших событиях, не привязывает их к настоящему. Я бы выкинул все презент перфекты из данного письма, кроме того, что вы уже поговорили с коллегой.

[Dremlin]

Извините за ответ вопросом на вопрос, но что вам говорит о том, что тут должно быть презент перфект?

Презент перфект - действие в прошлом, которое имеет какую-то привязку к настоящему. То что, вы сейчас говорите об каких-то прошедших событиях, не привязывает их к настоящему. Я бы выкинул все презент перфекты из данного письма, кроме того, что вы уже поговорили с коллегой.

Как бы я же объясняю обстоятельства моего ливинга и что именно они повлияли на то, что я отпрашиваюсь сейчас... Я же не просто перечисляю события, которые произошли в прошлом и которые не имеют никакого смысла сейчас.

[Vanderley]

Моё видение вашего письма следующее:

Dear Mr. Ledger,

I would like to take time off due to the following family circumstances. It so happened that (читать тут) my wife Alisa (некоторое время назад) got sick. Because of that she will be taken to a hospital for diagnostics and nobody from my relatives except for me will be able to look after our minor children.


Hopefully, there is nothing serious (она сейчас больна и вы надеетесь, что с ней ничего серьёзного) with my wife and the general practitioner assured (когда вы его видели) us that diagnostics of the illness would (reported speech) not take more than two days. Therefore, I would appreciate if I could take two days off on Wednesday and Thursday next week.

Please do not worry about my current responsibilities and duties because I have already (правильно, уже) notified my colleague Maxim and we came (когда разговаривали) to an agreement about handing over the work for the time when I am absent.

I hope for your understanding of my family situation and I would be very grateful if you gave me your approval.

I am looking forward to hearing from you.

Yours sincerely,
Michael Owen

[Dremlin]

Vadnerley , спасибо большое за проверку. Как думаете на сколько потянет примерно мое письмо в начальном виде?

[debugx]

Наши эссе из сосдней ветки, просьба покритиковать:

Nowadays, significant number of developed contries encountering with the issue of shrinking family size. While there are many reasons for this trend, this essay will reveal the most valuable of them, and also will survey some consequences.

There is no doubt that this problem is not an artifice and has several reasons to exist. The most valueable is, perhaps, the fact that modern world nowadays provides women with more options in lyfestyle. Having more opportunities for education and job, they have less time for family, and thus, for growing up many children. Another contribution to this trend was made by the notion that children fostering in large family have less emotional connection with their parents. That opinion is cultivating intensively in the first world countries and highly popular among welfare families. With more concerns about mental condition of their descendants parents now tend to share more emotions with them by reducing family size.

As a result, developed countries encoutering with hard consequences. Firstly, it is aging population as a result of better medicine and birth rate reduction. It was proven that people in modern countries live much longer. With less number of young members of society, the social burden for the governments will be much heavier with years. Secondly, having more care, adolescents grow up more selfish and dependent from parents. The number of graduates who continue living with their moms and dads is growing, which is obviously abnormal situation. Delaying the moment of integration into the socium, they lose vital abilities for creating their own families, and afterwards, for having their own children.

In conclusion, it is clear that abundance of opportunities and parents, who prefer quality instead of quantity, affect the family size in developed countries. Society and the government shall joint their efforts in order to raise the average number of children in family or situation might become worse.

Nowadays, the size of an average nuclear family in developed country is less than in developing one. There are many reasons which cause this tendency. This essay will discuss some of them, and also how the smaller family size influences society.

To begin, the main reason why the average family size has been declining steadily in advanced countries is because of the process of urbanization there. When people live in the countryside they strive to create a strong family with many relatives because of lots of manual work. However, in the cities there is no longer need in many helpers and an idea of big family becomes devaluating. In addition, people in developed countries become planning kids more carefully. They take into account a lot of factors. For instance, if a couple has just got married, they probably desire to travel or to live for themselves rather than giving a birth to a child and lose some part of their freedom.

However, the trend towards small family sizes definitely affects society. First, population of the country decreases. Secondly, it increases the number of elderly people who don't have anyone who can take care about them. If elderly people had given birth to more children during their life, they would have probably had more relatives. I believe, there are also a lot of benefits of small family. There are probably more chances for excellent education. For example, if there is only one child in the family, parents will more likely to send him to the first rate university. It's easier to raise only one child anyway. Therefore, the level of education in the country will become higher. Furthermore, a lot of children in the family may lead to mother's poor health. Mothers of large families do tend to have serious diseases. Therefore, small family sizes decrease the rate of women diseases in the country.

To conclude, as countries become more advanced people start thinking about more abstract purposes in their life rather than giving birth to a new child. I believe, this trend influences society positively due to higher rate of education and lower rate of women diseases.

Decreasing size of families has been observed in developed countries over the last several decades. This has impacted relations between people and amended society in general. In this essay, I will discuss causes and consequences of this new development.

Several reasons might have led to existing trend of shrinking number of families members. The first one is improved financial capability of individuals which enabled them to settle separately from other relatives. Another reason is a lesser amount of children in families. A social standard in developed world is high, so having children assumes large investments, otherwise they might have particular difficulties with socialising. It is also necessary to acknowledge changes in the role of women, who were enabled to participate in many activities different from family matters.

These changes impacted communities in different ways. Firstly, ties between distant relatives weaken and even can entirely cease. Secondly, a portion of elderly people in the social structure increases, because a high level of health care led to frequent longetivity. As a consequence, governments have to spend more on retirement pensions and public health. In some Scandinavian countries, for example, taxes for these needs can reach 20%. This altogether can lead eventually to a shift in social paradigm, which means that old people will become actively involved in certain spheres of life which are currently in responsibility of younger people, like child care and household chores. In other words, if changes occur within the system, it amends itself to maintain a balance.

In short, there are several reasons for smaller size of families in the Western world. These are increased standard of life, which justifies smaller number of children, and changed role of women in the society. As a consequence, elderly people became a larger group of the population, which led to additional expenditures on public health. However, the society seems to be amending itself so that to compensate for these disturbances.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

А что покритиковать-то? В смысле, в каком аспекте?

И тема какая?

[NestyIvan]

Меня уже откритиковали в той же ветке. На всякий случай выложу исправленный вариант.

Тема:

As countries have developed there has been a trend towards smaller family sizes.

Why does this happen?

How does this affect society?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.

Nowadays, a significant number of developed countries encounter with the issue of shrinking family size. While there are many reasons for this trend, this essay will examine the most essential of them and survey some consequences.

There is no doubt that this problem is not an artificial and has several reasons to exist. The most valueable is, perhaps, the fact that the modern world provides women with more options in lyfestyle. Having more opportunities for education and job, they have less time for the family and thus for growing up many children. Another contribution to this trend was made by the notion that children fostering in the large family have less emotional connection with their parents. That opinion is being cultivated intensively in the first world countries and is highly popular among the welfare families. With more concerns about mental condition of their descendants, parents now tend to share more emotions with them by reducing family size.

As a result, developed countries encounter with hard consequences. Firstly, it is the ageing population as a result of better medicine and birth rate reduction. It was proven that people in the modern countries live much longer. With less number of young members of the society, the social burden for the governments will become much heavier with years. Secondly, having more care, adolescents grow up more selfish and dependent on parents. The number of graduates who continue living with their mothers and fathers is growing, which is obviously an abnormal situation. Delaying the moment of integration into the community, they lose vital abilities for creating their own families.

In conclusion, it is clear that abundance of opportunities and parents who prefer quality instead of quantity affect the family size in developed countries. Society and governments should joint their efforts in order to increase the average number of children in families or the situation might become worse.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Nowadays, significant number of developed countries encounter with the issue of shrinking family size. While there are many reasons for this trend, this essay will reveal the most essential of them and survey some consequences.
Тема:

Что-то вы как-то артикли совсем не любите
+
encounter - переходный глагол, следовательно with не нужен --> encounter the issue

И я бы лично слово survey в данном контексте не употребляла. Как насчет investigate or examine?

[NestyIvan]

Спасибо за замечания.
Артикли перед следующей темой проработаю, посмотрим, что получится...

update: Внёс поправки по артиклям.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Наши эссе из сосдней ветки, просьба покритиковать:

Сообщение от debugx Посмотреть сообщение
Nowadays, the size of an average nuclear family in developed country is less than in developing one. There are many reasons which cause this tendency. This essay will discuss some of them, and also how the smaller family size influences society.

1. Same problem: артикли, or rather the lack of them
2. размер не может быть less --> smaller
3. Выделенное italics висит как бы само по себе и не является частью предложения. Что also?

[Maimiti_Isabella]

update: Внёс поправки по артиклям.

переборщили

[debugx]

1. Same problem: артикли, or rather the lack of them
2. размер не может быть less --> smaller
3. Выделенное italics висит как бы само по себе и не является частью предложения. Что also?

Ясно, спасибо. Над артиклями надо будет поработать. Про два других замечания тоже понял.

[debugx]

Прошу проверить, покритиковать эссе, спасибо:
Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make? Has this become a positive or negative development?

It is true that the ways of people communication have been changed considerably because of a lot of innovations and inventions in technology. I believe that there is mostly negative development of the ways technology impacts people's relationships.

To begin, in the last couple of centuries there was a breakthrough in communications technology. Once telephone and the internet appear it becomes far easier to interact with other people. Therefore, people become more easy-going and start speaking with each other more often. There are a lot of up-to-date technologies which provides a possibility to chat with each other by voice and with video. It definitely leads to better understanding a partner during the conversation. There are immense opportunities which become available with new cutting edge technology. For example, in many business areas it is prevalent to communicate with colleagues from other countries through the internet and resolve some work questions. It also needs to mention social networks which affect people's relationship positively because now it's not a problem to keep in touch with relatives, former classmates, colleagues, etc.

On the one hand, this development is fairly positive. It is easier, chipper and more reliable to socialize with other people than many years ago. On the other hand, some people prefer to use social networks rather than face to face communication. It is not a secret that people who tend to spend a lot of time in social networks they do have a lack of real friends. For example, if a person has one hundred of friends on Facebook, the maximum number of real friends who may help him to handle some problems is maybe three or five. If this person had spent more time chatting with people face to face, it would probably have led to stronger relationships and more number of real friends.

To conclude, technology provides a wide range of new ways of people's interaction. This development can be positive. I believe, however, it is not always the case and sometimes it may lead to poor relationships.

[АнатолийI]

Debugx, может уйти от первого лица в первом и последнем параграфах?

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Прошу проверить, покритиковать эссе, спасибо:
Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make? Has this become a positive or negative development?

......

I'd probably give it 6 or 6.5.

There are quite a few mistakes and inconsistencies. I also find it difficult to follow the flow of ideas in Body para 1, which is a sure sign of a coherence/cohesion problem.

In addition, you Introduction and Conclusion are rather weak and are not developed sufficiently.


And one more point.

the types of relationships people make?

I don't believe this question was properly addressed.