My essay, проверьте, покритикуйте! Спасибо!

[Vyacheslav16]

В задании for instance for sport or music. Т.е. вообще о разных талантах (например...). А вы все вступление пишете только именно об этих талантах. Явная проблема с Task Achievement

Самое смешное, что я "позаботился" таким образом именно о Task Achievement: мне указали на спорт и музыку, именно о них я и буду писать.

[Vyacheslav16]

Интересно, со всем остальным у меня О.К.?
Наверное, скоро придет Vanderley, и как всегда что-нибудь найдет...

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Интересно, со всем остальным у меня О.К.?
Наверное, скоро придет Vanderley, и как всегда что-нибудь найдет...

А что искать будем? Могу и я поискать, если надо

[Vyacheslav16]

А что искать будем? Могу и я поискать, если надо

Если бы знал, где упаду, постелил бы там солому.
Обычно он находит недостатки с Cohesion & Coherence. Самая трудная для меня тема на данный момент.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Если бы знал, где упаду, постелил бы там солому.
Обычно он находит недостатки с Cohesion & Coherence. Самая трудная для меня тема на данный момент.

BTW, basketball matches --> basketball games (team sports)

[Vyacheslav16]

BTW, basketball matches --> basketball games (team sports)

Точно! Как сейчас помню, как "их" довольно улыбающаяся физиономия говорит с экрана зомбоящика: "I love this GAME!" Еще бы, такие бабки зашибать.

[Goran Dražić]

It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for sport or music, and others are not. However, it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people believe that children are either born with certain talents for sport or music or they are not. Others claim that any child can be taught to become a good sportsman or musician. The arguments on both sides will be discussed in this essay.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Точно! Как сейчас помню, как "их" довольно улыбающаяся физиономия говорит с экрана зомбоящика: "I love this GAME!" Еще бы, такие бабки зашибать.

game остается game даже без 'бабок'

“His airness” Michael Jordan -> Nicknamed 'His Airness', Michael Jordan blah-blah-blah


When Stradivari played his famous instrument - cohesion/coherence issues. О каком 'его известном инструменте' идет речь --> when StradivariUS played his violin blah-blah-blah

perhaps many people asked themselves whether he had charmed the violin or not -Yuk

[Vyacheslav16]

perhaps many people asked themselves whether he had charmed the violin or not -Yuk

Что такое Yuk?

[Vyacheslav16]

Goran Dražić, I saw your coloured words, but couldn't get your point. Do you think the overall meaning of words changed significantly?

[Vyacheslav16]

When Stradivari played his famous instrument - cohesion/coherence issues. О каком 'его известном инструменте' идет речь --> when StradivariUS played his violin blah-blah-blah

По поводу Страдивари соглашусь, famous instrument и violin лучше было поменять местами "to be on the safe side". Я исходил из того, что "скрипка Страдивари" - общеизвестный феномен, не требующий дополнительных разъяснений.

[debugx]

Will you try to re-phrase this or would you like me to show you what I mean and how this can be re-phrased?

Перефразировал, посмотрите, пожалуйста:

I am going to throw a huge housewarming party next week. I will prepare a lot of fascinating activities which many of my friends and relatives can do for fun. One of the most exciting of them is bungee jumping; there is a scary looking old bridge not so far from my house. Therefore, I expect you to come as well because I know that you have always been a really thrill seeker.

Также конечно интересно, как это сформулировали бы Вы.

[Goran Dražić]

Vyacheslav16, you are expected to paraphrase the task, not to copy. It it was a real exam, highlighted words wouldn't be counted as yours. So it's not 267, but 267 - N.

[kiggiss]

Как-то все...

Если бы вы были рядом, то за 5 минут об'яснила бы... (хочется в это верить... )

Давайте так. Я вам даю предложение, а вы мне скажите, о чем должна идти речь в след. предложении (чур не подглядывать):

It is not surprising that fashion trends are becoming very important for modern youngsters.

1. какова главная идея этого предложния?
2. развейте тему, можно на русском

The main idea of the first sentence is to confirm the statement of the task and further on I tried to explain why such case is existing. Because there are favorable conditions on the market and in the modern economy. However, I might be mistaken because introduction should be shorter and just paraphrase the task and give a link to the author ideas. Let me try:

It has been noticed that fashion had become very important for modern youngsters. This situation has risen concerns among our nation where some people think that such trends may badly influence the society. I would not agree with this statement and on the contrary I think that the society may benefit from it.


How about this variant?

[Vyacheslav16]

Vyacheslav16, you are expected to paraphrase the task, not to copy. It it was a real exam, highlighted words wouldn't be counted as yours. So it's not 267, but 267 - N.

I honestly tried to paraphrase...
Sometimes you are too free in paraphrasing - they tell you not to deviate.
Sometimes you are too exact in paraphrasing - they tell you not to copy.
I am between the upper and the nether millstone, my friend.