My essay, проверьте, покритикуйте! Спасибо!

[agronom]

Всем привет!
Проверьте пожалуйста эссе на ошибки, если не лень
Спасибо!

As global trade increases, many goods, including those we use on a daily basis, are produced in other countries and have to be transported long distances.
Do the benefits of this trend outweigh the drawbacks?

In recent years, many companies from developed countries have started moving production facilities to other countries. Despite some clear advantages of this trend, there are considerable issues that have to be mentioned.



Clearly, the most obvious benefits of the plants and manufactories dislocation are significant cost of production decrease and contribution to developing countries economic growth. In particular, commodities become more accessible to people with low income in developed countries due to reduction of the labour costs in production of the items. In addition, international companies may help to burst the economy of a developing country. To illustrate, new production facilities provide jobs to thousands of the Chinese people and bring millions of dollars in taxes to the country’s budget.


On the other hand, there are some certain negative aspects of such cost management conducted by international companies today. The potential outcomes of it are global pollution and unemployment in developed countries. It is well known that environmental regulations are not that strict in the third-world countries as they are in developed countries. Thus, most of the plants in China or India are not equipped with cleaning filters to avoid pollution into environment. Also, production facility dislocation makes unemployed a significant number of workers, which leads to the crisis of high unemployment level in the industry. I consider these drawbacks the most sufficient among many others like icrease of the logistic overheads and technology leaks.


In conclusion, the production of various goods in developing countries has it’s pros and cons. However, in my personal opinion the number of negative aspects overtakes the number of positive aspects. I suggest governments to intervene into this process in order to minimize the drawbacks.

ну в общем то ессе совсем не в тему.вас спрашивают перевешивают ли бенефиты от транспортировки продукции в другие страны возникающие проблемы а вы пишите о чем угодно только не отвечаете на конкретные вопросы.

[Polina_K]

Всем привет!
Проверьте пожалуйста эссе на ошибки, если не лень
Спасибо!

As global trade increases, many goods, including those we use on a daily basis, are produced in other countries and have to be transported long distances.
Do the benefits of this trend outweigh the drawbacks?

In recent years, many companies from developed countries have started moving production facilities to other countries. Despite some clear advantages of this trend, there are considerable issues that have to be mentioned.



Clearly, the most obvious benefits of the plants and manufactories dislocation are significant cost of production decrease and contribution to developing countries economic growth. In particular, commodities become more accessible to people with low income in developed countries due to reduction of the labour costs in production of the items. In addition, international companies may help to burst the economy of a developing country. To illustrate, new production facilities provide jobs to thousands of the Chinese people and bring millions of dollars in taxes to the country’s budget.


On the other hand, there are some certain negative aspects of such cost management conducted by international companies today. The potential outcomes of it are global pollution and unemployment in developed countries. It is well known that environmental regulations are not that strict in the third-world countries as they are in developed countries. Thus, most of the plants in China or India are not equipped with cleaning filters to avoid pollution into environment. Also, production facility dislocation makes unemployed a significant number of workers, which leads to the crisis of high unemployment level in the industry. I consider these drawbacks the most sufficient among many others like icrease of the logistic overheads and technology leaks.


In conclusion, the production of various goods in developing countries has it’s pros and cons. However, in my personal opinion the number of negative aspects overtakes the number of positive aspects. I suggest governments to intervene into this process in order to minimize the drawbacks.

Ощущение, будто тему задания не очень внимательно прочли. Совсем не раскрыто "have to be transported long distances".

Из хорошего - лексика. Есть отличные устойчивые словосочетания.
В принципе, эссе легко читается.

Стоит поработать над "a variety of grammar structures" - предложения с who, why, because, if, when и т.д. В хорошем эссе будет смесь простых и сложноподчинённых предложений. У Вас есть несколько сложных, но больше простых.

После suggest - герундий или фраза с should. Инфинитив нельзя.

[Aneery]

Ощущение, будто тему задания не очень внимательно прочли. Совсем не раскрыто "have to be transported long distances".

Из хорошего - лексика. Есть отличные устойчивые словосочетания.
В принципе, эссе легко читается.

Стоит поработать над "a variety of grammar structures" - предложения с who, why, because, if, when и т.д. В хорошем эссе будет смесь простых и сложноподчинённых предложений. У Вас есть несколько сложных, но больше простых.

После suggest - герундий или фраза с should. Инфинитив нельзя.

Спасибо за советы!
Насчёт топика, вы правы.
Интересно было бы посмотреть на примерный план сочинения на эту тему.

[Polina_K]

Спасибо за советы!
Насчёт топика, вы правы.
Интересно было бы посмотреть на примерный план сочинения на эту тему.

у меня было бы где-то так

benefits:
- people get access to foods that can’t be produced locally (e.g. exotic fruits all year round)
- possibility to purchase various goods online in other countries and have them delivered (e.g. clothing, cosmetics, household appliances, gadgets)
- transport industry is developing - new jobs

drawbacks
- environmental impact (aircrafts’ exhaust fumes, the depletion of ozone layer, water pollution)
- if transported, certain categories of food can get spoilt or lose vital nutrients (e.g. fruits and vegetables)
- certain countries do not develop their own production because of cheaper foreign goods

[Aneery]

у меня было бы где-то так

benefits:
- people get access to foods that can’t be produced locally (e.g. exotic fruits all year round)
- possibility to purchase various goods online in other countries and have them delivered (e.g. clothing, cosmetics, household appliances, gadgets)
- transport industry is developing - new jobs

drawbacks
- environmental impact (aircrafts’ exhaust fumes, the depletion of ozone layer, water pollution)
- if transported, certain categories of food can get spoilt or lose vital nutrients (e.g. fruits and vegetables)
- certain countries do not develop their own production because of cheaper foreign goods

Спасибо за идеи!

[House M.D.]

Some people think it is better to educate boys and girls in separate schools. Others, however, believe that boys and girls benefit more from attending mixed schools.

Discuss both views and give your opinion.

It is thought by some individuals schools should be organized on a gender basis. There are some proponents, however, who believe that there more benefits about mix schools. On the personal level, I am inclined to suppose that the number of arguments for mixed schools are rather larger than for separated ones.

From one perspective, organizing educating children in schools on a gender basis has a certain number of merits. First, this policy eliminates any relationships between boys and girls, thereby making them more concentrated on their study. For instance, in Malaysia, where one of my friends is from, the overall educational progress in separated schools is a bit higher than that of in mixed one. Furthermore, separating girls and boys in schools will enable to set a curriculum in the best suitable way for both genders. To be more specific, in this case boys are taught only with subjects best suitable for males and girls attend only those classes which they are more benefited.

On the flip side, however, there are also several advantages about attending the same schools by both man-children and lasses. For one thing, this enables the latter to comprehend nuances of gender relations which is reflected in happy marriage in the future. As a case in point, in Turkey, the percentage of model husbands and wives among those who attended mixed schools is higher than that of those who graduated from separated ones. In addition to that, children, who taught in schools which do not have any gender related limitations, are more versatile that their peers who are taught in boys-only or girls-only schools. In Russia, for example, which is my home country, a majority of boys have cooking and sewing skills after finishing mixed schools, whereas their peers from only-for-boys schools have not.

To sum up, the idea of educating boys and girls in separate way as well as in mixed one both have right to exist. From my personal standpoint, children of both gender are more benefited from being taught in mixed schools than that where the former are educated separately.

[GoldenJoe]

Решил начать с писем.
Если не трудно, посмотрите ошибки.
ну и оценку примерно )

You live in an English speaking country and you want to do some voluntary, unpaid work in a developing country. Write a letter to a company called Cultural Expeditions, which organizes such trips. In your letter:
- Explain why you want to do the voluntary work.
- State what your skills and experience are.
- Indicate where you would like to volunteer and for how long.

Dear Sir / Madam,

I am writing to find out about entry requirements of voluntary position in Cultural Expeditions. I am a student and do not have enough money to see other countries therefore work in your company is a good chance to visit it and to take a closer look at foreign cultures.

Now I am a keeper in the university library. I also worked in the National Green Park as a tour guide assistant last summer and did some occasional labor jobs through the two years. Moreover I know Spanish and Portuguese as well as English.

If you hired me, I would be very pleased to work in Latin America, for example Brazil or Argentina, because I am interested in culture and nature of this region. However I am a student and so I am available only in summer vacation from June 15th to August 28th.

Your faithfully,
Joe Smith

-----------------------------

You are working for a company. You need to take some time off work and want to ask your manager about this.
Write a letter to your manager. In your letter
- explain why you want to take time off work
- give details of the amount of time you need
- suggest how your work could be covered while you are away

Dear Mr. Green,

I am writing to request 2 days unpaid leave next week.

As you know my elder son John is a mountain-skier and his coach included him in a team of parallel slalom to take part in a first stage of junior Alpine skiing national championship. A Competition of such high level is the first one for John and so I want to go and support him. It is very important for me to be close to my son this days.

The stage will be passed February 14th and 15th in Banyo so I would departure from Holmview at 13th evening and return at 16th early morning and be able to work on 16th.

I know that dead-line of phase of project which I involved is February 21th therefore I can take my part of drawings home and do it before February 18th. Moreover I already do not need to communicate with anybody to finish this drawings.

Yours sincerely,
Joe Smith

--------------------------

On a recent holiday you lost a valuable item. Fortunately you have travel insurance to cover the cost of anything lost.
Write a letter to the manager of your insurance company. In your letter
- describe the item you lost
- explain how you lost it
- tell the insurance company what you would like them to do


Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing in connection with travel insurance No. T-03459248 which I bought on June 16th in your Brisbane Airport office.

From June 16th to June 28th I and my family spent vacation in Spain and one of this days I lost a digital camera Canon Mark II and two objective glasses: Tamron ES 15-60 and Tamron IM 55-200.

On June 26th we had a lunch in the summer cafe "San Antonio" near the Big Madrid Zoo. Some time later after we left the cafe I realized that the case with the camera and the lenses had been lost into "San Antonio". However when I returned there I found nothing.

As the travel insurance includes refunding lost things, your company should pay me $1500 for the camera and $1000 for the lenses. You can send a cheque or bank transfer for my deposit No. 7932439473 in Westpack Bank.

If you need an additional information call me +3-442-2396734.

Yours faithfully,
Joe Smith

[NestyIvan]

Мои мысли по поводу вступления.

It is thought (claimed, some individuals claim) by some individuals that schools should be organized on a gender basis. There are some (м.б. убрать) proponents, however, who believe that there are more benefits about mix schools (очень не нравится benefits about. Тем не менее mixed schools). On the personal level (personally\honestly), I am inclined to suppose that the number of arguments for mixed schools are (к какому слову в предложении относится?) rather (скорее всего не уместна в данном контексте конструкция rather than) larger (the number is greater\bigger) than for separated ones.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Some people think it is better to educate boys and girls in separate schools. Others, however, believe that boys and girls benefit more from attending mixed schools.

Discuss both views and give your opinion.

It is thought by some individuals schools should be organized on a gender basis. There are some proponents, however, who believe that there more benefits about mix schools. On the personal level, I am inclined to suppose that the number of arguments for mixed schools are rather larger than for separated ones.

From one perspective, organizing educating children in schools on a gender basis has a certain number of merits. First, this policy eliminates any relationships between boys and girls, thereby making them more concentrated on their study. For instance, in Malaysia, where one of my friends is from, the overall educational progress in separated schools is a bit higher than that of in mixed one. Furthermore, separating girls and boys in schools will enable to set a curriculum in the best suitable way for both genders. To be more specific, in this case boys are taught only with subjects best suitable for males and girls attend only those classes which they are more benefited.

On the flip side, however, there are also several advantages about attending the same schools by both man-children and lasses. ....

По-моему, ваше пред. эссе было гораздо лучше с точки зрения английского. Перечитайте это, мне кажется, что сами ошибки увидите и удивитесь. Также, прочитайте новую подборку по теме: you need to use the right vocab.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Решил начать с писем.
Если не трудно, посмотрите ошибки.
ну и оценку примерно )

You live in an English speaking country and you want to do some voluntary, unpaid work in a developing country. Write a letter to a company called Cultural Expeditions, which organizes such trips. In your letter:
- Explain why you want to do the voluntary work.
- State what your skills and experience are.
- Indicate where you would like to volunteer and for how long.

Dear Sir / Madam,

I am writing to find out about entry requirements (I can't see this in the task) of --> for a voluntary position in --> at / with Cultural Expeditions. I am a student and do not have enough money to see other countries therefore (I'm sorry but this mistake is unacceptable for anyone who wants to get 5.5 or above!) work in your company is a good chance to visit it and to take a closer look at foreign cultures.(You must be kidding: looking for a voluntary job to see other countries? They are looking for people who can DO THE JOB, not the tourists. You'd fail on TA!)

Now I am a keeper (what do you keep? Are you a gate keeper or a game keeper?) in --> at the university library. I also worked --> present perfectin the National Green Park as a tour guide assistant last summer and did some occasional labor jobs through ??? the two years. Moreover I know Spanish and Portuguese as well as English (do you mean your Spanish and Portuguese are as good as your English or that you know 3 languages? If the latter, you need a comma before 'as well") .

If you hired me, I would be very pleased to work in Latin America, for example Brazil or Argentina, because I am interested in culture and nature of this region. However I am a student and so I am available only in summer vacation from June 15th to August 28th.

и пожалуйста, повторите предлоги!

[GoldenJoe]

Maimiti_Isabella, спасибо за критику. Если не трудно, направтье в нужное русло по следующей информации.


1. through
Словрь Lingvo 10. Один из вариантов - "в течение, в продолжение, на протяжении"

2. therefore
Словрь Lingvo 10 - "поэтому, следовательно"

Видимо, надо выкинуть lingvo и использовать другой словарь?

(You must be kidding: looking for a voluntary job to see other countries? They are looking for people who can DO THE JOB, not the tourists. You'd fail on TA!)

Тут мысль была вот в чем. Не могу представить человека, который захочет бесплатно работать на работе ) Нужны какие-то другие "плюшки" вместо денег. А по поводу работы и туризма - волонтер же не будет 24 часа 7 дней в неделю DO THE JOB, вот в свободное от работы время и можно побыть туристом )
Может я и не прав. Подумаю над какой-нибудь другой причиной, побудившей поволонтерить в другой стране.

[Divo]

Видимо, надо выкинуть lingvo и использовать другой словарь?

Извините, я не Maimiti_Isabella, но словари, разработанные в России для российских пользователей, не стала бы использовать. Для меня нет лучше Оксфордских словарей (UK или US style - выбор за Вами), и еще очень рекомендую Merriam-Webster.

Тут мысль была вот в чем. Не могу представить человека, который захочет бесплатно работать на работе ) Нужны какие-то другие "плюшки" вместо денег. А по поводу работы и туризма - волонтер же не будет 24 часа 7 дней в неделю DO THE JOB, вот в свободное от работы время и можно побыть туристом )
Может я и не прав. Подумаю над какой-нибудь другой причиной, побудившей поволонтерить в другой стране.

Помогать людям, нести культуру в массы, выучить второй язык - чем не причины?

Сорри, что вмешалась

[GoldenJoe]

Divo, спасибо ) мненья всякие нужны, мненья всякие важны )

[Divo]

Divo, спасибо ) мненья всякие нужны, мненья всякие важны )

Пожалуйста, обращайтесь, если нужна будет помощь (с идеями там или еще что по мелочи)

[Vyacheslav16]

словари, разработанные в России для российских пользователей, не стала бы использовать.

Я бы взглянул на проблему использования словарей под другим ракурсом. Лучше использовать монолингвистические словари, чем билингвистические. Если человек готовится к IELTS, его уровня владения языком вполне должно хватать для этого.

To GoldenJoe, мне очень нравится словарь Longman. Все кратко, по делу, без лишней воды и с великолепными примерами. Longman English Dictionary Online
Оксфорды и Кембриджи, конечно, тоже хороши.