My essay, проверьте, покритикуйте! Спасибо!

[illi4]

Готов помогать по мере загрузки и способностей, кидайте сюда свои эссе

[Анаст1990]

Здравствуйте! Скажите, сюда можно скинуть на проверку Письмо Task 1 или тут строго одни эссе? Очень надо..

[illi4]

Здравствуйте! Скажите, сюда можно скинуть на проверку Письмо Task 1 или тут строго одни эссе? Очень надо..

Кидайте

[will.i.am]

Анаст1990, можно. Кидайте.

[Анаст1990]

a letter of complaint to the college administration

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to express my dissatisfaction with the quality of food in the college cafeteria. The food and bewerages haven't been fresh for a long time.

I regret to inform you that your service was below my expectations. When i first came to the cafeteria on Monday morning, i thought that it was too early to have something delicious for my breakfast. The food was unfresh. But you can imagine how unhuppy i was to discover the same thing on next day. When i tried to contact you by phone, no one could offer me any sensible answer.

Finally, three days later, i was contacted by your representative. Unfortunately, he said that i was biassed. As a solution he offered me to visit another place and try food there.

I am very dissapointed with both the quality of food and the service i have received. Please, look into this matter as soon as possible.

Yours faithfully, Mr. Black.

Первый пробный вариант, начинаю готовиться... Покритикуйте, пожалуйста, не обижусь

[will.i.am]

Анаст1990, а где же само задание? Без задания и буллет поинтов невозможно понять ответили ли вы на то о чем вас просят.

1. The food and bewerages haven't been fresh for a long time.

Детали лучше в тело пиьсма.

2. I am writing to express my dissatisfaction with the quality of food in the college cafeteria ... I regret to inform you that your service was below my expectations ... I am very dissapointed with both the quality of food and the service i have received.

Сначала не устроило качество еды, потом уровень обслуживания, а в конце и то и другое? Лучше в начале написать что не устроило качество еды и обслуживание а далее в первом боди написать что именно не так с едой, а во втором боди описать проблемы с обслуживанием.

4. When i first came to the cafeteria on Monday morning, i thought that it was too early to have something delicious for my breakfast.

Если перевести предложение на русский язык оно кажется весьма странным.

5. But you can imagine how unhuppy i was ...

You cannot how frustrating it was ... (как вариант)

6. Finally,

У вас без перечисления (Firstly ... Secondly .. или To begin with ... In addition to that) сразу "Finally".

7. I am very dissapointed with both the quality of food and the service i have received. Please, look into this matter as soon as possible.

Я подозреваю что в последнем параграфе требуется дать совет по улучшению качества как еды так и обслуживания. Что то типа "Finally, I would like to give a word of advice as to how to improve the quality of food and the level of service in your canteen. Bla-bla-bla. I hope my comments/review will be helpful for you."

8. Yours faithfully, Mr. Black.

Yours faithfully,

Mr. Black

[Анаст1990]

Спасибо большое, буду стараться!
Тема - write a letter to your colleges administration department complaining about the colleges facilities

[will.i.am]

Тема - write a letter to your colleges administration department complaining about the colleges facilities

Это понятно. Но это всего лишь рубрика. А задания это буллет поинты которых нет. Поэтому трудно сказать вы пишите то о чем вас просят или ушли далеко в офф топик.

You have recently moved to a different house.

Write a letter to an English-speaking friend. In your letter

· explain why you have moved
· describe the new house
· invite your friend to come and visit

Сверху это рубрика. Снизу по пунктам задания.

[Анаст1990]

Дошло

In your letter include

-what the problem is
-how this problem has affected you
-what the college should do to fix this problem

[will.i.am]

Дошло

In your letter include

-what the problem is
-how this problem has affected you
-what the college should do to fix this problem

Уже лучше.

План примерно такой:

Dear Sir or Madam,

Пишу выразить свое неудовлетворение/привлечь ваше внимание столовой в колледже/к проблемам со столовой в колледже.

To begin with, цены космические ... In addition to that, на полу резвились тараканы.

As a result, я была вынуждена есть в другом месте. Мало того что стоимость блюд там ниже да еще и с санитарией существенно лучше.

Finally, I would like to give a word of advice as to how to improve the pricing policy and the sanitation related issues in your canteen. Bla-bla-bla.

I hope my comments/review about the local caffetteria will be helpful for you in improving the situation about it.

Yours faithfully,

Margareth O'Donnell

[Maimiti_Isabella]

and a couple of adjectives to describe food and to avoid 'Runglish'
stale
unappetising
(in)nutritious
tasty
(un)healthy
unsavory
tasteless

etc

[Dremlin]

Write a letter to your colleges administration department complaining about the colleges facilities

In your letter include

-what the problem is
-how this problem has affected you
-what the college should do to fix this problem

a letter of complaint to the college administration
Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to express my dissatisfaction with the quality of food in the college cafeteria. The food and bew[v]erages haven't [please, avoid contractions in formal letters -> have not] been fresh for a long time.

I regret to inform you that your service was below my expectations. When i [I] first came to the cafeteria on Monday morning, i [I] thought that it was too early to have something delicious for my breakfast. The food was unfresh. But [but - you can use it in informal letters. However, nevertheless etc. - much better] you can imagine how unhu[a]ppy i [I] was to discover the same thing on next day. When i [I] tried to contact you by phone, no one could offer me any sensible answer.

Finally, three days later, i [I] was contacted [I think you didn't want to use passive voice, did you?] by your representative. Unfortunately, he said that i [I] was biassed. As a solution he offered me to visit another place and try food there.

I am very dissapointed with both the quality of food and the service i [I] have received. Please, look into this matter as soon as possible.

Yours faithfully,
Mr. Black [please write your full name in formal letters ]

Первый пробный вариант, начинаю готовиться... Покритикуйте, пожалуйста, не обижусь

В общем то неплохо.
Смотрите в топике написано

college's facilities

- т.е. по идее нужно описать по крайней мере о проблемах в двух фасилити. Например в кафетерии, как Вы написали и в спортивном зале / площадке.

Единственное вы не совсем ответили на последний вопрос. Попробуйте что-нить предложить для решения проблемы. Например, "I offer to change the staff in the canteen including the main chef".

А по поводу 2-го вопроса. Придумайте что-нибудь например "It seems that I was poisoned by eating a sandwich which I bought in the canteen and now I experience unpleasant feelings in my stomach".

И еще я бы стронгли рекомендовал Вам заканчивать свое письмо таким предложением как "I am looking forward to hearing from you."
И подпись я обычно ставлю справа, пропустив одну строчку после самого текста письма.

И последнее. 1. Пишите эссе и письма на официальных бланках по райтингу. 2. Вы же каждый абзац пишите с красной строки? Некоторые даже пропускают строку между параграфами.

P.S. Я думаю, если за Вас взяться, как следует, через пару месяцев сможете писать письма на 7-ки.

[evstigneeff]

Всем доброго времени суток.

Недавно наткнулся на странную тему эссе с одним единственным вопросом. Т.к. в эссе IELTS насколько я помню должно быть как минимум 2 Body paragraphs, то сначала не понял как писать это эссе. Но времени на раздумье не так много (с писаниной должно занять не более 40 минут), так что написал как думал и не знаю теперь правильно ли я сформировал Body paragraphs и адекватные ли у меня Task response. Посмотрите пожалуйста, проверьте.

A healthy person is often described as someone who has a good diet, gets a lot of exercise and avoids stress.

What do people do to stay healthy in your country?

There is a popular belief that all people would be healthy persons if they didn't eat fast food, paid more attention to physical exercises and tried to keep calm in the present world full of stresses. This essay will tell what people in my country do in order to be healthy.

Without any doubt, diet of humans has a great impact on their health, so they should prefer more healthy cuisine instead of junk food. People are supposed to consume more fresh vegetables and fruits and eat less fatty meat like chicken or fish. In addition, regular doing of exercises could also significantly contribute to health of every individual, so all people should pay more attention to such kind of activities. It has proven also that stress could lead to various serious diseases, so every person should try to avoid to be nervous.

I could say that all these rules for being healthy are also applicable for my home country, so many people try to have balanced healthy diet as well as participate in various physical activities. In addition, humans in our country are less vulnerable to the stress because of their east mentality. In other words, east people are usually more calm and even-tempered, and they try to live with some sense of humor. Apart from that, many people in our country like to spend more time on the fresh air by going to mountains on weekends.

To sum up, people in my home country desire to stay healthy as well as any others, so they try to eat healthy food, do more physical exercises, avoid stress and spend more time on the fresh air.

[illi4]

Добавлю в дополнение к замечаниям товарищей по несчастью

a letter of complaint to the college administration

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to express my dissatisfaction with the quality of food in the college cafeteria. The food and bewerages haven't been fresh for a long time.

I regret to inform you that your service was below my expectations. When i first came to the cafeteria on Monday morning, i thought that it was too early to have something delicious for my breakfast.

The food was unfresh. But you can imagine how unhuppy i was to discover the same thing on next day. When i tried to contact you by phone, no one could offer me any sensible answer.

Предложения, выделенные красным, стоило бы написать как одно, используя, к примеру, moreover.

But you can imagine how unhappy i was to discover the same thing on next day - звучит довольно странно, даже если избавиться от but. Откуда этот человек может представить, насколько вы были расстроены?

When i tried to contact you by phone - помните, что вы пишете работнику столовой. Вы не конкретно ему звонили

offer any sensible answer - answer is provided, а не offered. Any - я бы заменил на a.

Finally, three days later, i was contacted by your representative. Unfortunately, he said that i was biassed. As a solution he offered me to visit another place and try food there.

I am very dissapointed with both the quality of food and the service i have received. Please, look into this matter as soon as possible.

Yours faithfully, Mr. Black.

Первый пробный вариант, начинаю готовиться... Покритикуйте, пожалуйста, не обижусь

И ещё - часто повторяете food и service, немного мозолит глаза.

[Rus_R]

Привет, еще одна попытка, из того, что могу отметить сама, что эссе поместилось точно на стандартные листы

Increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve growing traffic and pollution problems.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
What other measures do you think might be effective?

Nowadays many big cities face serious environmental and traffic problems. It is believed that both of them can be solved by establishing high price on a fuel. However, in my opinion this method will not be effective in a long term perspective, to tackle the issues other measures must be taken.

At first sight it may seem that high petrol price will improve the situation with traffic as well as with increasing level of exhaust fumes, but after thorough examination became obvious that this is a short-term action. In a month or in a year people will get used to the price and the amount of cars will be the same. What is worse is that people will be even more disappointed and unsatisfied than before as the petrol price is essential part of price of any product they consume and this price will be higher, whereas the problems of traffic and pollution will not be resolved.

In order to improve the situation some other actions must be taken. Firstly, people must be enthusiastic about using public transport, to be so it must be improved significantly. For example, renew the interior, install new comfortable seats and air conditioner. Ensure that the schedule and route is optimal and satisfy the enquiries of the most of people. As result, the number of individual cars on the roads will reduce and the traffic will be lighter.

Another action which is also effective is motivating people to buy cars with alternative eco-friendly sources of energy, like solar, electrical or hydrogen. As the price of these cars is significantly higher than the ordinary one, the government can compensate the difference. Also they should encourage business to invest in building a network of charging or hydrogen stations all over the country.

To summarize, the problems of emissions and heavy traffic are the most serious for the big cities and can be solved only by long-term actions like motivating people to use public transport or to buy eco-friendly cars and it can be done in cooperation between authorities, business and society.