My essay, проверьте, покритикуйте! Спасибо!

[NortT]

Всем спасибо за комментарии.
Если переписать последнее предложение как-то так, то будет лучше?
As a result, early marriages could be a key to the health of the nation.

[illi4]

Nort, ещё мне не нравится использование present simple в "individuals as well as society benefit from young spouses" и could в "partners could easily adjust their habits to each other".
Как мне кажется, удачнее использовать can benefit и can easily. См. тут и тут.

[Павел28]

Скажите, сколько знаков должно быть в эссе?

[Flak]

Павел28,250 слов

[Павел28]

Павел28,250 слов

Спасибо, я думал 1000)))

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Скажите, сколько знаков должно быть в эссе?

вам надо изучить IELTS - International English Language Testing System| Home

[NK999]

Всем добрый вечер! Посмотрите пожалуйста мое эссе. Спасибо огромное!

It is a good thing for those in senior management positions to have salaries which are very much higher than those of other workers in the same company or organization. To what extent do you agree?

Over the last past decades the matter of the exorbitant remunerations for people in the top management has been widely discussed among society. Most large companies, of late, pay very high wages to the top executive, whereas, the lower level of employees is satisfied with much less payment. This practice, in my view, is acceptable and the reason for my view is discussed in this essay.

To begin with, it is important to emphasize that financial stimulation, for the top executives who is a major driving force of a company, is an important aspect in the attraction of the best management talents to the firms. It is a well-known fact that there is always a permanent demand for experienced, skilled, qualified directors in the world market. There is no point in denying that it is the managers’ responsibility to make the important decisions and determine the main organization’s way. For instance, the corporation’s success and profitability depend on senior managers’ leadership. According to the latest statistic research, the people who run their companies have been dismissed ten times more than ordinary employees for the past 10 years, because their firms lost its position. As this is shown, the more the people’s financial incentives are, the larger the area people are responsible for.

Another vital aspect that should be mentioned is the incentive of workers at the bottom level to develop their abilities for achieving the higher level of salary and the position in the organization. There is little room for doubt that everybody would like to receive more compensation for their labour. The top executive’s post may be an example for the subordinate staff in order to improve their experience and education. The diligence, determination and hard work will help the ordinary employees to reach the top level of managers. There are the sufficient instances when usual employees have reached the top posts inside the companies and the top-end salaries.

In conclusion, from my point of view it is important for senior managers, such as CEOs, Chairmen and executive heads to receive big incentives as it makes them stay with the company and improve the organization's position on the world market. Moreover, the lower level employees may strive towards a leaders’ model for their working life.

[HappyHippo]

Думала, никогда этого не напишу, но все же я Сделала это!!! Ребята,Maimiti_Isabella,illi4,Vanderlei,agronom, MaratMinsk, огромное вам спасибо за помощь в покорении этого зверя, за ваши наставления, исправления, огромное терпение!!!!
Спасибо и тем, кто поддерживал в трудную минуту, подбадривал и не дал сдаться - Rus_R, Challenge,Flak, Sergunchik, Mrs X, fatdh!!!

[agronom]

Думала, никогда этого не напишу, но все же я Сделала это!!! Ребята,Maimiti_Isabella,illi4,Vanderlei,agronom, MaratMinsk, огромное вам спасибо за помощь в покорении этого зверя, за ваши наставления, исправления, огромное терпение!!!!
Спасибо и тем, кто поддерживал в трудную минуту, подбадривал и не дал сдаться - Rus_R, Challenge,Flak, Sergunchik, Mrs X, fatdh!!!

все так ровненько
молодец-не сдалась и все получилось

[Rus_R]

Присоединяюсь к HappyHippo. Спасибо огромное всем за помощь!

Я помню как написала сюда свое эссе с полной уверенностью, что мне скажут, что все ОК, а получила гору критики и посыл учить формат эссе для экзамена. Так обидно было , но я все равно читала, что критикуют в чужих эссе, пыталась понять как же нужно писать. Спасибо, что делитесь опытом, знаниями и тратите свое время для помощи другим.

[Mrs X]

Думала, никогда этого не напишу, но все же я Сделала это!!! Ребята,Maimiti_Isabella,illi4,Vanderlei,agronom, MaratMinsk, огромное вам спасибо за помощь в покорении этого зверя, за ваши наставления, исправления, огромное терпение!!!!
Спасибо и тем, кто поддерживал в трудную минуту, подбадривал и не дал сдаться - Rus_R, Challenge,Flak, Sergunchik, Mrs X, fatdh!!!

ты молодчина! Давай скорей подавайся!!!
А я вот не знаю когда мой следующий раз, я так боюсь снова сдавать и разочароваться ((( !!!!

[HappyHippo]

ты молодчина! Давай скорей подавайся!!!
А я вот не знаю когда мой следующий раз, я так боюсь снова сдавать и разочароваться ((( !!!!

Бояться не надо! Мне кажется результат у меня такой, потому что я была релаксед ))) я верила , что аппеляция придет положительной))) уверенность - залог успеха!!!

[cherluder]

Добрый день ребята! Посмотрите и покритикуйте эссе. Спасибо заранее!
Some prefer to live in a village. Others prefer to live in a big city. Which place would you prefer to live in? 294 слов

Deciding where to live is one of the most difficult choices in the human being’s life. One may opt for life in the city, or in the rural area. In my opinion, life in the city is more advantageous due to the fact that it offers better economic and social opportunities.
First, in the city grownups have more possibility to find work, which they like, as there a huge quantity of organizations with working places. As a result, people can find what exactly they want and can do well. Furthermore, workers in the city get higher salary, rather than in the village, and have more benefits from their bosses. For example, best employee of the month in some organization can get invitation for some party or exhibition.
Second, there are more social benefits in the city, for instance there are a lot of places of interests, cinemas, theatres where everyone can go with family members or friends. In contrary, in the country only there are few places where you can gather with acquaintance. For example, I was born in a tiny village where there are no clubs, theaters or shops at all. So we meet with fellow in somebody’s house, or take a bus to go to the nearest city to have a rest.
In addition, it is difficult to get qualified medicine care when you need a help in the country. Another words, rural medicine is not in high level, as in the town. And in emergency situation ambulance car out of the town will arrive slowly.
Taking everything into consideration, I prefer to live in the city, as here I can have more beneficial working conditions , visit variety events, and get best medicine care if it necessary.

[Sirius26]

Можете глянуть мое эссе, отправляю это Майку с ieltsanswers.com, есть небольшие сомнения что завышает(особенно то что каждое эссе vocabulary 7), нужна 7-ка, по эссе в последнее время ставит 7-ки по всем категориям кроме грамматики(6):

In some countries young people have little leisure time and are under a lot of pressure to work hard in their studies.
What do you think are the causes of this?
What solutions can you suggest?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

The increasing spare time on education rather than on some leisure activities is a warning sign which society needs to handle. There are some reasons for that, such as student image in media, increased requirements and competitiveness in the job markets. We will discuss reasons and solutions for that problem in this essay.
The main reason for such disbalance in life of young people is a social image or stereotype for education. Most parents propagate such lifestyle that forces their children to study much more than they could handle. Additionally, most videos about students, which I have seen, inflict such kind of a role to the future students. Also, the increased requirements and competitiveness on the job market were made people more nervous about their future. This caused feelings in student's mind, that they need to outperform somebody to gain a position in a career ladder.
As for solutions, the right motivation for people, who are studying, is essential. They need to understand that education is only a one step in their life and a health is much more valuable in this case. For example, planning a good day regime with study-rest balance is an appropriate way to overcome this problem. It should be considered that both schools and parents need to teach young people to find a balance in their life between education and hobbies.
To sum up, it is significant for students to relieve pressure from studies through leisure activities. People have to teach young people how to find a proper balance between rest and work.


P.S. перечитал эту тему, понял что на Майка лучше не рассчитывать. Значит буду заниматься с Кристофером.

[Zuza]

@Sirius26

@Sirius26
- Вступление противоречит теме: в задании говорится об уменьшении свободного времени, а начало эссе упоминает increasing spare time.
- В главной части (перед solutions) лучше избегать "I". Но когда просят привести пример, то конечно "I" уместно.