My essay, проверьте, покритикуйте! Спасибо!

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Если у кого-то есть уже готовое, то могу сегодня или завтра проверить 1-2 эссе. Не забудьте прочитать мои условия, перед тем, как посылать.

[Ветерок]

In conclusion, I am convinced that the increasing popularity of sports is a positive trend that improves the attitude of people toward healthy lifestyle. Also, in the modern world, deprived of the necessary amount of physical activity, playing sports is an indispensable factor for achieving a high level quality of life.

Зачем писать того, чего не спрашивают ?

[Luidmila]

Посмотрите пожалуйста и оцените. Надо 7,general.
Workers should retire at the age of 60 or 65. However, some people say that workers should be allowed to work as long as they want.Opinion.
People have different opinions with regard to the question of whether retired people should be allowed to continue their career after their retirement. In many countries people retire at age of 60 and do not have an opportunity to work after this age. In my opinion senior citizens should have a chance to continue their career path and there are several reasons for this view.
Over the past few decades the cost of living has increased significantly and in order to meet their daily needs people should have enough funds to pay for healthcare, bills and other public services. Working people in many countries usually have enough income to have a reasonable quality of life but pensioners can face some difficulties and most of them cannot support themselves after retirement, as the average size of pension in many countries is too small. As a result most of them have to continue their career in order to pay for services which they use on a daily bases.
Also, I strongly believe that after retirement many workers may face mental issues, as social interaction is immensely vital for human well-being . When pensioners lose the opportunity to work, most of them start to feel loneliness and realize that society does not need them anymore. So emotional conditions of senior people may worsen and this situation may lead to many mental health problems such as stress and depression.
In conclusion, my personal view is that people of all ages should have the same opportunity connected to their career path and if they have a wish and energy to continue their work after retirement they definitely should have such opportunity.

[сaня]

добрый день!
готовлюсь к ieltz ща и всё без проблем по-идее, но райтинг не моя тема к сожалению. просьба если кто знает где нормальные образцы можно найти, скиньте в личку. И пожалуйста кто-нить может глянуть мой ессэ, кому ни в падлу plz/ Если типа просто чушь писать и левак гнать прокатит или не вариант?

вот рандомный топик из нета:
Some people believe that children should do organised activities in their free time while others believe that children should be free to do what they want to do in their free time.
Which viewpoint do you agree with?
Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer

и чё я написал:

Well, I believe that being a kido is a really special time in the life of every person, because as a child you don't have to juggle lots of different responsibilities like paying your bills or passing some lame exams. So unless your old folks are quite strict and try to bug you about doing boring chores all the time, you can pretty much stay home all day long just enjoying things you actually like doing, e.g. taking a relaxing bath, having fun watching cartoons or making prank calls to your neighbors then bragging to your buddies about it.

But anyway, unfortunately it might not always be a good idea to just sit around doing unproductive stuff every day; I've personally learned it the hard way. So seeing as many psychologists seem to be agreeing that lots of major mental probs take root in one's childhood, I couldn't agree more with that. I'm a very disorganized person, I don't have a job, I'm always late everywhere and all people hate me. The only things I genuinely like doing are cashing my welfare checks, sitting on the couch, playing games, drinking beer and avoiding life. I really regret never feeling driven enough to actually try to participate in any sorts of organized activities during my childhood years, so now I'm practically being seen as a total failure by the society I've been trying to avoid so vigorously ever since I was a boy. Sometimes, I meet my old classmates and some of them are considered as pretty respectable people nowadays, like doctors, lawyers or what have you. To keep myself from feeling even more frustrated, I like telling myself that I just evaluate success differently. I can totally see those folks have sacrificed a lot of their free time over the years to get there; I just honestly couldn't care less.
I personally think that doing some organized activities may have real benefits which might allow children to become smarter, more respected by other people and lead towards getting better grades in school and making one's parents proud for example. So, children who are interested in learning and like preparing for school and choose to study in their free time instead of hanging out could also have an easier time learning new subjects and acquiring useful skills in the future, simply because exposing yourself to new concepts and ideas and practicing doing something useful in your free time, like reciting prime numbers for example can make you more prepared for dealing with that particular type of situation if you ever encounter it in your real life where you can apply the valuable experience you have earned beforehand.

On the other hand however, not everyone is a fan of doing organized activities, because many children have different interests and if you don't enjoy doing something, I think you're more likely to feel suicidal especially if you are forced to do something extremely boring. Also, if you're learning all the time you may get pretty tired and your health can deteriorate.

Although, I agree doing that organized activities like preparing for school, learning how to read and write or solving math problems etc. can lead to a more conventionally successful lifestyle. I guess choosing how you're spending your free time can definitely shape you into the kind of person you want to be and depending on your choices, it can help you in your future career as well. However, since I'm a strong advocate for freedom in every area of life, I think everyone should be free to decide what they want to do in their free time and I do think that kids should not be banned from having fun playing videogames, sleeping all day or doing drugs if they feel like, even if their parents feel strongly against that.

In conclusion, I think that it's important that kids try to do as many organized activities as they can, because it can ultimately enable them to have a better job and a future, but it's also important to have some free time as well so you don't end up feweling too stressed out. So as it's often true for many other things things, having good balance is always the key.

[Yuriy_Kor]

сaня
Не читая текст, а лишь взглянув на него:
1. У Вас 708 слов, при необходимом минимуму 250. Вы никак не успеете столько написать за 40 мин.
2. По всему тексту идет "Я". Дожнo заменяться на people, persons, humans, men, one...
3. Экзамен правильно называется IELTS.

[сaня]

Спасибо, ща пока не в курсках, чисто прикидываю и тренеруюсь чё вообще мне писать. некоторые темы лёгкие, конечно, но многие х.знает о чём писать, беда нах. Вот ещё написал, можете глянуть, пожалуйста.

топик:
With an increasing population communicating via the internet and text messaging, face to face communication will become a thing of the past.
To what extent do you agree?

ответ:

The invention of the computer and the Internet have marked the beginning of the era called The Information Age. While, a number of innovative developments in the field of electronic and software engineering over the past few years facilitated by the widespread adoption of smartphones and tablets have revolutionized the way a lot of people communicate today.

Messaging apps and social media websites have granted everyone the opportunity to stay in touch with friends and family without ever actually meeting up in real-life. This, in my opinion, undoubtedly enables any modern person to interact and exchange ideas more efficiently.

According to the recent statistics most people carry their phones with them at all times. Therefore, you can easily contact a friend or a colleague by calling them on Skype or sending them an instant message whenever they're available.

If you work multiple jobs, on a busy schedule with no days off and your friend lives in a different country - planning and holding an offline meeting can prove to be problematic, hence catching up online is definitely the answer.

Many global companies have offices all around the world and lots of folks involved into business have also been successfully taking advantage of organizing webinars and online conferences for ages. Online education platforms like EDx, Udemy or Khan Academy all provide a great example of people from any part of the world studying various subjects and connecting with other students. In many instances communication has already evolved and eliminated the need for face to face communication.

However, if you're a fan of socializing with people in a traditional way, there are still plenty of things the Internet can't completely replace. Be it the thrill of running into a stranger in a dark alley at night, getting wasted at a bar or attending an AA meet up, you can't live all your life in denial. So perhaps, it will do you good to crawl out there and finally leave your Mom's basement to get some experience communicating with the living folk.

Anyway, to sum up, although I completely agree that communicating via the internet and text messaging works wonders for business interaction. In my view it still feels kinda artificial, because communication between friends often includes lots of socializing and activities like partying or fishing, it's also not uncommon for business people to drink vodka to seal the deal. I think all people around the world will continue to enjoy a peaceful coexistence of modern and traditional means of communication for quite a few years.

[Dimond]

Добрый день! Хотелось бы узнать, потянет ли данное эссе на 8, general. Спасибо.

Every one of us should become a vegetarian because eating meat can cause serious health problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give your opinion and examples.


With the growing concern regarding people's health, meat products have come under fire over the last few years. Many believe that food from animal sources cause major illnesses, and therefore, should be excluded from everyone's diet. I completely agree with this notion and will make the case for it by analyzing the benefits that vegetarian food brings to an individual.

Meat consumption is considered harmful for one's health primarily because of the excessive amount of dangerous elements in meat products. For instance, animal fat and cholesterol, which are in high quantity in any meat dish, have been recognized by many doctors as a primary cause of heart-related issues. At the same time, the enormous amount of protein in animal-based food puts high pressure on human kidneys, thereby increasing the risk of serious disease. It is therefore obvious that by adopting a meat-free diet, one can avoid such health problems and extend his or her lifespan.

Another danger of animal-based products is the way it is usually cooked. Most recipes for meat-based meals call for a large amount of salt, spice and other potentially hazardous ingredients, which, if consumed regularly, might result in serious health conditions. Additionally, meat has an extremely high calorific value, and therefore, can cause obesity among those who lead a sedentary lifestyle. This is especially the case among youngsters, who spend plenty of time in front of computers playing video games and eating fast-food, which heavily relies on meat.

Considering these arguments, one cannot disagree with the notion that people should remove meat-based products from their everyday meals and adopt a vegetarian diet in order to avoid health maladies and maintain a healthy weight.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Добрый день! Хотелось бы узнать, потянет ли данное эссе на 8, general. Спасибо.

Every one of us should become a vegetarian because eating meat can cause serious health problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give your opinion and examples.


With the growing concern regarding people's health, meat products have come under fire over the last few years. Many believe that food from animal sources cause major illnesses, and therefore, should be excluded from everyone's diet. I completely agree with this notion and will make the case for it by analyzing the benefits that vegetarian food brings to an individual.

Meat consumption is considered harmful for one's health primarily because of the excessive amount of dangerous elements in meat products. For instance, animal fat and cholesterol, which are in high quantity in any meat dish, have been recognized by many doctors as a primary cause of heart-related issues. At the same time, the enormous amount of protein in animal-based food puts high pressure on human kidneys, thereby increasing the risk of serious disease. It is therefore obvious that by adopting a meat-free diet, one can avoid such health problems and extend his or her lifespan.

Another danger of animal-based products is the way it is usually cooked. Most recipes for meat-based meals call for a large amount of salt, spice and other potentially hazardous ingredients, which, if consumed regularly, might result in serious health conditions. Additionally, meat has an extremely high calorific value, and therefore, can cause obesity among those who lead a sedentary lifestyle. This is especially the case among youngsters, who spend plenty of time in front of computers playing video games and eating fast-food, which heavily relies on meat.

Considering these arguments, one cannot disagree with the notion that people should remove meat-based products from their everyday meals and adopt a vegetarian diet in order to avoid health maladies and maintain a healthy weight.

У вас явный overkill. Я не могу понять уровень вашего английского - слишком много никому ненужных linking words и доп. никому ненужных слов и выражений, строение предложений очень complex (lack of nominalisation), a надо sophisticated , но и ошибок сколько-нибудь серьезных тоже нет. Очень странное Conclusion: вы вроде как не согласны сами с собой!

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Спасибо, ща пока не в курсках, чисто прикидываю и тренеруюсь чё вообще мне писать. некоторые темы лёгкие, конечно, но многие х.знает о чём писать, беда нах. Вот ещё написал, можете глянуть, пожалуйста.

нах такой подход. Ща я все брошу и буду учить вас клепать эссе. А вам впадлу самому хотя бы этот ресурс изучить и левак не гнать?

[Dimond]

Я не могу понять уровень вашего английского

ошибок сколько-нибудь серьезных тоже нет.

Это моё эссе №100. Все эссе разобраны с Гэри, которого тут наверное все знают, но, видимо, он что-то не учитывает.
Начинал год назад с уровня 5.5-6 по всем 4 частям IELTS. 2 месяца назад сдал IELTS, получил L8 R8.5 S7.5 W6.5, поэтому сейчас хочу понять что было не так в эссе.

У вас явный overkill. Слишком много никому ненужных linking words и доп. никому ненужных слов и выражений, строение предложений очень complex (lack of nominalisation), a надо sophisticated

Спасибо, обсужу это сегодня с преподавателем, надеюсь он в курсе про nominalization.
Я правильно выделил части, которые должны быть nominalized?

Meat consumption is considered harmful for one's health primarily because of the excessive amount of dangerous elements in meat products. For instance, animal fat and cholesterol, which are in high quantity in any meat dish, have been recognized by many doctors as a primary cause of heart-related issues. At the same time, the enormous amount of protein in animal-based food puts high pressure on human kidneys, thereby increasing the risk of serious disease. It is therefore obvious that by adopting a meat-free diet, one can avoid such health problems and extend his or her lifespan.

Another danger of animal-based products is the way it is usually cooked. Most recipes for meat-based meals call for a large amount of salt, spice and other potentially hazardous ingredients, which, if consumed regularly, might result in serious health conditions. Additionally, meat has an extremely high calorific value, and therefore, can cause obesity among those who lead a sedentary lifestyle. This is especially the case among youngsters, who spend plenty of time in front of computers playing video games and eating fast-food, which heavily relies on meat.

Очень странное Conclusion: вы вроде как не согласны сами с собой!

Вас наверное ввело в заблуждение двойное отрицание:

... one cannot disagree with the notion that people should remove meat-based products from their everyday meals

то есть в параграфах я привожу примеры негативного влияния мяса, а в заключении говорю что one НЕ может НЕ согласиться что мясо надо убирать из рациона. Пожалуй, стоит избегать двойного отрицания. В английском, насколько я понимаю, оно не особо ценится.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Это моё эссе №100. Все эссе разобраны с Гэри, которого тут наверное все знают, но, видимо, он что-то не учитывает.
Начинал год назад с уровня 5.5-6 по всем 4 частям IELTS. 2 месяца назад сдал IELTS, получил L8 R8.5 S7.5 W6.5, поэтому сейчас хочу понять что было не так в эссе.



Спасибо, обсужу это сегодня с преподавателем, надеюсь он в курсе про nominalization.
Я правильно выделил части, которые должны быть nominalized?



Вас наверное ввело в заблуждение двойное отрицание:

то есть в параграфах я привожу примеры негативного влияния мяса, а в заключении говорю что one НЕ может НЕ согласиться что мясо надо убирать из рациона. Пожалуй, стоит избегать двойного отрицания. В английском, насколько я понимаю, оно не особо ценится.

Начну с конца.
Меня ничего в заблуждение не ввело. A вот вас, похоже ввело --> one cannot but disagree

Второе. Я не знаю, как там с выделенным, но половина ваших relative clauses надо убрать и сделать их либо modifiers, либо прилагательными. Предложения настолько сложные, что приходится их 2 раза прочитывать, чтобы понять, что не есть good

Пример:
Additionally, meat has an extremely high calorific value, and therefore, can cause obesity... --> High in calorific value, meat can lead to (more formal than 'cause') obesity ....

Третье. Я лично с Гэри не знакома. Может другие и знают. Мне он ни к чему.

[andriko]

Это моё эссе №100. Все эссе разобраны с Гэри, которого тут наверное все знают, но, видимо, он что-то не учитывает.
Начинал год назад с уровня 5.5-6 по всем 4 частям IELTS. 2 месяца назад сдал IELTS, получил L8 R8.5 S7.5 W6.5, поэтому сейчас хочу понять что было не так в эссе.

У меня точно такая же проблема, когда учитель проверяет, то что не эссе то шедевр, а на последнем екзамене я залез в офтопик и получил 6,5. Сдаю через 2 дня еще рас, надеюсь что этому кошмару под названием айтлс прийдет конец. Более того вы могли бы подать апелляцию, а не рвать волосы на голове и думать что с вами не так

[сaня]

нах такой подход. Ща я все брошу и буду учить вас клепать эссе. А вам впадлу самому хотя бы этот ресурс изучить и левак не гнать?

Э вы чё? извините, но яж вам сразу написал, я ваще далёк от этого. этот тест чтоб реально сдать нужно шарить походу. я и школу и то не особо ништяк там всё короче. Я знаю что вы в этом разбераётёсь, но я могу ток вам купить цветы или вино максимум, или сколько стоют ваши проверки, по деньгам не атас ща тоже, но если возможно напишите? А так по-идее я хочу может читануть и заслать кого-нить с фейкайди туда в тест центр, но я не знаю если прокатит и насколько там реально смотрят.

Вот ещё одно написал эсце, можете посмотреть, пожалуйста.

тема
Nowadays, a lot of buildings, such as offices and schools, are now being built with an open plan design.

Why is that?

ответ
Throughout human history, the designs of many buildings have witnessed a constant change and readjustment. Old buildings were often completely demolished to make place for new more modern buildings. This is not always a very efficient approach however, because such projects usually require a major monetary investment which can be allocated towards other areas in need of more generous funding.

Following a more modern philosophy of open planning allows people to re plan or re-purpose any building according to their current demands. This way, pretty much any place, including but not limited to schools, libraries or daycare centers can be easily transformed into gentlemen's clubs, warehouses and rich kids' playgrounds or vice versa.

All praises be to the great inventors of open planning, the immensely indispensable need of a more privileged population for spacious housing can nowadays be sufficiently accommodated. No longer do political big wigs and other officials have to solemnly wait in their dull cozy mansions till their new city residence is constructed. These days, rich and influential people can simply blast away the old walls and throw less fortunate folks out of their apartments to live in the streets begging passersby for a rusty old quarter or just send them to live in the middle of nowhere where they belong, so the elite can enjoy having a kumbaya together with friends in the newly acquired beefed-up rooms that may occupy the entire floor, if they so desire that is.

To sum up, taking into account multiple advantages of buildings with an open plan design and the ever-growing necessity for the modern society to stay flexible in the face of changes, such innovations allow our civilization to thrive and prosper.

[NortT]

нах такой подход. Ща я все брошу и буду учить вас клепать эссе. А вам впадлу самому хотя бы этот ресурс изучить и левак не гнать?

Улыбнуло

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Улыбнуло

Ну вы же знаете, как мне это тяжело далось!