Сообщение от Aleks
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Topic
The question was – do you agree or disagree and there was a need to provide specific reasons and examples. So, you can’t stay in the middle in your answer. In addition, you need to be more specific and less general in your answer.
Your position is in favour to the statement but you are still in the middle – family is the best, but… Also, you didn’t provide any specific reasons or examples.
In addition, the topic is tricky as the role of teachers is not understood in the same way by different people. Teaching can mean the process of transferring knowledge and training children. For instance, a best teacher is the one who can establish communications with kids they are responsible for, so those children can obtain new knowledge effectively and use it efficiently in life. So, what qualities do you need to be a good teacher? and is it true that parents can actually teach their children?
We shouldn’t mix teaching with being a good source of information. Parents are definitely a great source of information and they do understand their children (at least till children are 12 yo , but it’s not the question. The question is whether they are good teachers. Teaching is an ability to effectively give knowledge, train.
Flow of ideas
The use of ‘On the one hand’ ‘ On the other hand’ is not justified here. They’re used when you present two or more contradicting ideas. Here, you’d better gone with First of all, Secondly, etc. In other words, you simply enumerated pros of your position and there was no need for ‘on the one hand’ ‘on the other hand’ connections.
Many linking words are used out of context or inappropriately.
You had lots of ideas but most of them remained as short statements with no progression. You really have to change the approach to essay writing. It’s not about listing the ideas, but rather your ability to take one/two ideas an present them. For instance, you have an idea – relatives could give information about future life, so you go
‘Our relatives can help their children prepare better for adult life. They lived their own life and gained valuable experience. Since parents observed children from earlier age, they know what their kids are like and what would work for them in their adulthood. Thus, the knowledge they can provide is invaluable and very much appropriate to kids. This once again shows that parents are the best teachers’.
Я бы порекомендовал прорабатывать структуру ответа более тщательно перед написанием. Может быть даже написать эссе по -русски, а потом перенести это на английский язык. По-крайней мере, это поможет усвоить применяемые структуры в ответах.
Необходимо раскрывать тему и отвечать на поставленный вопрос без ухода в сторону.
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