My essay, проверьте, покритикуйте! Спасибо!

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Finally I found it. It was from "Passport to IELTS" by Diana Hopkins and Mark Nettle.

There're books older than this one. But not many.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Ругайте меня сильно и подробно. 283 слова.
Should arts-related entertainment venues such as museums and art galleries be free of charge for the general public, or should a charge apply for admittance?
Discuss this issue, and give your opinion.
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words.

For modern reality saving our heritage is very important. If historical illustration, sculpting and other things would be free to access, it make common knowledge level of society higher. However, without necessity financial support we can't save art works to our legacy intact.

In our days more and more people don't know who are Shakespeare, Van Gogh, Beethoven, Michelangelo. Cultural places is cost like modern entertainment venues as clubs, aquaparks, cinemas or higher. Therefor, young men prefer new and cheaper amusement to old and high price "scribbles". It's terrible. For example, children of my sister thought Beethoven is a dog, Michelangelo is a super hero from comics. They never see Statue of David, or heard Fur Elise.

In contrast, if museums and art galleries be free, they can't keep masterwork in clean and safety. As I know, many works of great people of past was lost without due care. They require special storage conditions, restoration etc.

Of course, some corporations take care about our knowledges, like Google inc. Google make wonderfull project called Google Art Project, they make free admittance to works of great persons our inheritance. They make virtual tours in most famouse museums of world.

In conclusion, we have dilemma, safe heritages to more generations or do it accessible for more people now. I think we have a way from this embarrassing situation. It's government support for entrance to cultural entertainment venues. If governments would be pay half cost of charge apply for admittance, we could safe our cultural heritages to more generations and make it admittance for more societies. I home that governments and powerful corporations in combined can make us culturally educated. Moreover, show to us that wonderful world of art.

Вас подробно ругать невозможно: ошибка на ошибке. А в некоторых предложениях вообще смысл с трудом угадывается. Сорри.

Учите английский.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

In contrast, if museums and art galleries be free (1), they can't keep (2) masterwork (3) in clean (4) and safety (5). As I know (6), many works of great people of past (7) was (lost without due care (9). They (11) require special storage conditions, restoration etc (10).

1. и где здесь глагол-сказуемое? --> were free
2. сейчас или все-таки при условии, если они будут бесплатными? --> won't be able to keep
3. только один-единственный? На все остальные деньги есть? --> masterworks / masterpieces (последнее употребляется гораздо чаще. Первое в данном контексте - очень редко)
4. это прилагательное! Даже по русски нельзя сказать, что то-то содержится в чистой. --> предложение надо переделать или подбрать другое слово.
5. Что имеется в виду под содержать в безопасности?
3 плюс 4 плюс 5 --> .... masterworks clean and safe
6. --> as far as I know
7. of the past
8. Их же many! --> were lost
9. Как это потерять without due care? Т.е. терять надо с care? --> due to the lack of care (все равно странно звучит)
10. --> , etc. (в эссе сокращения не 'рекомендуются')
11. Не очень понятно They - это люди или шедевры?

И это только ошибки! Речь даже не идет о предложениях как таковых.

[bogdan_zuy]

1. и где здесь глагол-сказуемое? --> were free
2. сейчас или все-таки при условии, если они будут бесплатными? --> won't be able to keep
3. только один-единственный? На все остальные деньги есть? --> masterworks / masterpieces (последнее употребляется гораздо чаще. Первое в данном контексте - очень редко)
4. это прилагательное! Даже по русски нельзя сказать, что то-то содержится в чистой. --> предложение надо переделать или подбрать другое слово.
5. Что имеется в виду под содержать в безопасности?
3 плюс 4 плюс 5 --> .... masterworks clean and safe
6. --> as far as I know
7. of the past
8. Их же many! --> were lost
9. Как это потерять without due care? Т.е. терять надо с care? --> due to the lack of care (все равно странно звучит)
10. --> , etc. (в эссе сокращения не 'рекомендуются')
11. Не очень понятно They - это люди или шедевры?

И это только ошибки! Речь даже не идет о предложениях как таковых.

Спасибо, правда, огромное спасибо. Не эссе, а сплошная ошибка.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Спасибо, правда, огромное спасибо. Не эссе, а сплошная ошибка.

А теперь - за учебники!

[bogdan_zuy]

А теперь - за учебники!

Maimiti_Isabella, если честно грамматику только второй день изучаю. =) Вы уж извините если отнял у Вас драгоценное время (смущение)

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Maimiti_Isabella, если честно грамматику только второй день изучаю. =) Вы уж извините если отнял у Вас драгоценное время (смущение)

приятно узнать, что у меня есть хоть что-то 'драгоценное'

[bogdan_zuy]

Maimiti_Isabella, я уверен что у Вас есть много всего не материального драгоценного, про материальное не знаю =)

[Furan]

ВСем привет. Начал подготовку к модулю Дженерал, так как почитал что все же там все попроще, особенно ридинг. Никак не могу академический победить до 7

В общем вот мое первое письмо часть 1 Дженерал письменной части

You are planning to spend a two-week holiday in an English-speaking country where you have a friend. You need some advise about travelling there. Write a letter to your friend. In your letter:
Explain why you have decided to visit the country and give some details of your trip
Ask about the places you should visit
Ask if you can stay at your friend’s place for a few days

Write at least 150 words.

Dear Joel

I am writing to you for asking an advise. The point is, that I have decided to spend my holidays in Australia this year. As far as I remember, you are living in Gold Coast, which is near Brisbane. On top of that, I think that you could definitely help me with organising my trip as well as planning my tourist activities.

Well, as you can probably guess, the main reason why I would like to go to Australia is extreme kind of sport which I pretty keen on. As far as I can see from the information sources, your place of living is far away from my homeland, Russia. As well as that, I want you to give me some useful data about flights shedule and low-cost Airlines brands to book the flight with. I would spend in Australia four weeks, and three weeks out of four I would be in surfing trip.

I hope you remember that I am an experienced surfer. Therefore, I suppose that you can advise me as a local person some amazing surfing spots near the Gold Coast, with perfect waves and weather conditions. Especially, could you please check the information and find out the details how to get to Byron Bay. I heard that this place must have to visit because of surfing culture around there and wild nature preserves.

From my research I can see that the hotel accommodation in Australia is extremely expensive and hard to book during summer high season. This is the reason why I have to ask you about a favour. Can I stay for a while at your place? It will be just for a couple of days, short term basis, because I plan to spend three weeks on trip doing surfing in different beaches of eastern part of Australia.

Looking forward to hearing from you.

I hope we will meet soon for sharing a beer.

Andrew

[Mari_I]

Добрый день! Оцените, пожалуйста, со всей строгостью

Some people prefer to spend their lives doing the same things and avoiding change. Other, however, think that change is always a good thing.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

There are many people live in the world and they have different preferences about their lifestyle. Some people enjoy changing life and choosing alternative ways to making living and spending their spare time from time to time. Others, however, afraid of any changing and prefer to live in permanent, constant terms. It is not a disputable issue, because, as many people as many opinions and preferences and everybody right to choose their own way to live. I will try to consider both sides of this question.

On the one hand, people who can change their life in dependence of circumstances seem to have the right point of view, because, needless to say, that our changeable life requires different approaches to solving tasks and problems. As well as that, they are capable of coping with hard conditions much better than those who prefer different lifestyle. Also, the most essential trait of these people is their ability to make important decisions quicker and more efficiently.

On the other hand, people who prefer living in the same way cannot fit their life to nowadays conditions, therefore it can complicates their work and personal life. However, we should consider positive side of their lifestyle. It seems me that they can avoid many problems doing familiar things if they keep previous way.

On the balance, I incline to believe that disadvantages of constant life overweight advantages, because contemporary society changes very quickly and we have to suit our life to new requirement.
257

[realset]

В общем вот мое первое письмо

Для письма другу у Вас получился неподходящий тон. Ваше письмо больше похоже на формальное, а задание явно предполагает неформальное письмо. У него иные правила построения. Например, начинать принято не прямо с цели, а с какой-то приветственной фразы типа I'm sorry I haven't been in touch for such a long time... В неформальных письмах принято использовать contractions.
Там еще ряд правил есть, посмотрите литературу на этот счет.
Запятой не хватает после Dear Joel

I think that you could definitely help me

Эта фраза по-моему не похожа на вежливую просьбу. I wonder if you could help me было бы лучше.

[realset]

Some people believe that currently the world is like one huge community where people care about each other, while others claim to live separately.

А задание то собственно где?

[realset]

и так понятно что это Opinion essay.

Как справедливо учат нас авторитеты - каждое слово в задании важно.

Очень много коротких предложений. Не помешали бы связки. Например,

Firstly, some countries are richer than others. This means they can afford to support poorer ones.

Firstly, some countries are wealthier than the others, so they can afford...

Повторений слов много. В одном предложении слово problems встречается дважды. Синонимы улучшили бы картину. (issues, matters). Help = assistance, aid, support

Some people say charity begins at home but I personally it does not stop there.

Вот эту фразу вообще не понял. I personally think? Даже так выходит мало смысла. Противопоставление через but по-моему тут не подходит.

[realset]

realset, оценка?

Я бы предположил 6

[realset]

Добрый день! Оцените, пожалуйста, со всей строгостью

К сожалению очень много грубых ошибок практически в каждом предложении. Прямо с первой фразы

There are many people live in the world

Здесь два глагола сразу. Many people live in the world