My essay, проверьте, покритикуйте! Спасибо!

[Furan]

Прошу строго судить мое очередное творчество.

Rubbish is increasing in the area where you live. Write a letter to the local environmental officer and explain
- Where the rubbish is coming from?
- What problems is it causing?
- Suggest your solution for solving these problems.

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to you to express my concern about the problem with rubbish (waste), which is currently increasing within the whole Newtown area. I have been living in Newtown for 6 years and I wish to bring your attention to this inconvenient situation.

As you may be aware, this part of town is suffering from overpopulation which increases the total amount of rubbish which is produced by so many households. This is the reason why the local counsil service is overloaded and can’t improve this situation.

Talking in environmental terms, this problem causes an unhealthy environment for children as well as for other members of the local population. The rubbish is also extremely smelling and attracts flies and rats especially in the summer months.

I suggest you should pay attention to this problem and give more financial resources to clear the streets of uncollected rubbish.

Sincerely yours,

Mr. Smith

[Drag]

И моих новых два творчества, отрецензируйте, пожалуйста. Если опять все совсем плохо - обещаю не докучать

You have recently started work in a new company.
Write a letter to an English speaking friend. In your letter: explain why you changed jobs, describe your new job, tell him/her your other news.
Dear ,

How is it going? We haven’t been in touch for ages and I’m really sorry for that.
Actually, the reason is that I have changed my job lately. As you already know I graduated from university and tried to find a new job. I think you remember that at my previous job I was only a waiter, however, I’m an engineer now. Consequently, my salary is higher and duties are requiring more efforts.

I work in a small company now, although if I had studied better I would have assigned to an international corporation. My functions as an engineer are: to design models and to calculate data from flying tests. I was told that this is a new position in this company.

Also I have broken up with my girlfriend, but there are a lot of fish in the sea and I’m going to hook up. This is a long story and unfortunately, I have been writing the letter for 30 minutes already and have to go to a dentist. I will tell you it next time and I assure you will be surprised. If I were you I would wait with bated breath.
Looking forward to your answer.

Best wishes,

[Drag]

И эссе :embarassment:

Some people prefer to live in a house, while others feel that there are more advantages to living in an apartment. Are there more advantages than disadvantages of living in a house compared with living in an apartment?

Many people would like to live in a house, but others feel themselves more convenient in apartments. I strongly believe that there are more withdraws to live in a house than positive points.

Firstly, house’s price is much higher than apartment’s. For example, people should save money to buy a house a much longer period of time than for buying an apartment. Also, monthly fees for people who live in houses are tending to be bigger than for people who live in flats. For instance, my friend who lost a job was had to move from a house to a flat, since he was not able to may monthly fees anymore.

Secondly, sometimes there are no any infrastructures near hoses. People may feel themselves inconvenient if they need to use a car every time to go for shopping or if they have not a garage it may be a problem to find a car park. In contrast to this, there are car parks, sports halls, food stores usually close to apartments. In addition, there are often security guards and video cameras near apartments to prevent robberies and law breaks.

Thirdly, to live in a house requires more efforts for older people to live in a house than to live in apartments. In other words, some issues which need to be resolved immediately may stress older people. In particular, problems with basement or roof which can leak when it is raining outside or if it is windy outside trees may damage a house or break a window.

To recap, there are more withdraws to live in a house than advantages which people receive while live there.

[Vanderley]

И эссе :embarassment:

Some people prefer to live in a house, while others feel that there are more advantages in living in an apartment. Are there more advantages than disadvantages of living in a house compared with living in an apartment?

Many people would like to live in a house, but others feel themselves - [просто feel, без themselves. Один из переводов feel themselves - щупать себя] - more convenient in apartments. I strongly believe that there are more withdraws - [что ещё за withdraw? drawbacks?] - to live - [in living] - in a house than positive points.

Firstly, house’s price is much higher than apartment’s. For example - [это экземпл чего? Вы на русском бы употребили "например" в этой ситуации?] - , people should save money to buy a house for a much longer period of time than for buying - [сначала to buy а потом for buying звучит корявенько] - an apartment. Also, monthly fees for people who live in houses are tending - [откуда continious? это какой-то новый девелопмент?] - to be bigger than for people who live in flats. For instance, my friend who lost a job was had to move out from a house to a flat, since he was not able to may monthly fees anymore.

Secondly, sometimes there are no any infrastructures - [я никогда это во множ числе не слышао. также, эни тут лишнее.] - near hoses. People may feel themselves inconvenient if they need to use a car every time to go for shopping or if they have not a garage - [have no garage or doesn't have a garage] - it may be a problem to find a car park - [parking place] -. In contrast to this, there are car parks, sports halls, food stores - [всё неправильно. что такое sport halls? спортивные залы? food stores -> grocery stores] - usually close to apartments. In addition, there are often security guards and video cameras near apartments to prevent robberies and law breaks - [это что за breaks?] -.

Thirdly, to live in a house - [living in a house] - requires more efforts for older people to live in a house than to live in apartments - [перечитайте это предложение] -. In other words, some issues which need to be resolved immediately may stress older people. In particular, problems with basement or roof - [где глагол в главном предложении?] - which can leak when it is raining outside or if it is windy outside trees may damage a house or break a window - [перечитайте с зеленым и без него.] -.

To recap, there are more withdraws to live in a house than advantages which people receive while live there.

В целом очень слабо. Это почти как перевод с русского по словам. Сорри.

Ещё расскажите, какая Вам нужна оценка. И в какой модуле.

[Vanderley]

and I’m going to hook up

Вы про какой hook up?

[Drag]

Про то что хочу завести новую подружку))

[Vanderley]

Про то что хочу завести новую подружку))

Про подружку читайте по моей ссылке

[Drag]

Вроде все правильно..
Я думал что pick up и hook up в принципе синонимы. Или это слишком для письма другу?

Мечтаю о 6 в дженерал. мое письмо другу выше.

[Vanderley]

Вроде все правильно..
Я думал что pick up и hook up в принципе синонимы. Или это слишком для письма другу?

Значения hook up от зажиматься до трахаться. Если вы это имели ввиду, то ок. Для письма другу это ок, возможно правда не для IELTS письма другу. Ещё неизвестно как отреагирует женщина экзаменатор на ваше fish in the see и hook up.

[Евгения7]

А у меня за письмо 6! Замечательная оценка.)

[Goran Dražić]

Hi. Here is my next essay on cooperation vs competition. I would be extremely greatful if someone experienced could point out any of its drawbacks. Sorry in advance for not very ieltsy topic wording(It was stolen from Mat Clark's book).

Topic: Some people think that children should learn to compete, but others think that they should be taught to cooperate with others. What's your opinion?

Essay:
Cooperation has always been an irreplaceable attribute of classical education. However, it is sometimes argued that nowadays as the world becomes increasingly competitive, educational facilities should replace competition with cooperation reflecting this trend. This essay will put forward a notion that while the idea of children learning how to compete is absolutely reasonable, children should learn how to cooperate as well. By analysing the application of both skills in the adult life I will prove the above stated position.

On the one hand, people are faced with competition in virtually all spheres of their life. For example, when applying for a lucrative position, those who mastered competitive skills are more likely to have the edge. Further on the way up the career ladder, more competitive employees will stand a much better chance to be promoted over others. Hence, the ability to compete is of a paramount importance in today's life and should be, therefore, taught in schools.

However, the importance of cooperation should not be underestimated. For example, in the workplace, as a result of rapid technological development, people specializing in different areas of expertise have to work hand by hand. If a person is not a good team player or lacks necessary communication skills, they will put the work of the whole team in danger. Therefore, cooperation is an essential skill that should be on a school's curriculum.

To sum up, being able to compete against others and work as a team are both necessary for succeeding in life. It is recommended that education facilities ensure that their students obtain and master both skills.

Thanks in advance , Goran.

[Goran Dražić]

I would appreciate if someone checked this essay. I don't need detailed comments, just some ideas about what's wrong with the essay.

Topic: Some people believe that educating children altogether will benefit them. Others think intelligent children should be taught separately and given special courses. Discuss those two views.

Essay:
In the last few decades there have been a number of attempts to make studying process more effective. In one of them, some pedagogues suggested that children with different abilities should be taught separately. While this idea has a strong support, some experts express a serious concern about its side effects and suggest that children, regardless of their academic achievements, should study together. This essay will analyse the benefits of both approaches before a logical conclusion is drawn.

On the one hand, in a class where students with different abilities study together, children develop can develop communication skills and personality more effectively. For instance, by interacting with their peers who are less talented in some subjects, children will become more tolerant and open-minded. Also, students will gain invaluable experience of communication with people with different way of thinking. Therefore, there is a clear connection between high-flyers and outsiders
studying together and development of certain personal and communication skills.

However, both group are more likely to study more effectively when studying separately. Numerous extremely talented people, like Steve Jobbs, who dropped out from college or university clearly illustrate this idea. Even though Steve managed to become successful without academic education, it is not always the case for many talented students, who eventually become frustrated with their studies and end up being unqualified workers in spheres they are not interested or talented in. However, if they had had an opportunity to take a separate, more challenging, course, they would have found their classes much less tedious and made a greater contribution in the areas of their expertise.

To sum up, while having children with different abilities in the same class in beneficial for the development of their interpersonal skills, having special courses for more talented students can guarantee their better academical results. I believe that it is possible to combine two approaches by having children studying in different groups when it comes to classes in which the difference of levels is conspicuous, and teaching them together otherwise.

Thanks, Goran.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Thanks, Goran.

I'm a bit confused now. Why do you keep posting here? I thought you are being helped by THE most experienced person

[Goran Dražić]

I'm a bit confused now. Why do you keep posting here? I thought you are being helped by THE most experienced person

I am not sure what is that I did to deserve this . I didn't mean to upset anyone. I could probably reject THE most experienced person's help, but that would be stupid. I still hope someone(with any ammount of experience) gives their opinion about the essays.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

I am not sure what is that I did to deserve this . I didn't mean to upset anyone. I could probably reject THE most experienced person's help, but that would be stupid. I still hope someone(with any ammount of experience) gives their opinion about the essays.

I really don't understand what you mean.

Aren't you being helped by Maria Mirabell? Do you still want me to comment on your essay?