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  • Всем доброго дня.

    Снова просьба проверить, на этот раз мое эссе. General writing.

    Задание:

    Some people prefer to live in a house, while others feel that there are more advantages to living in a apartment.

    Are there more advantages than disadvantages of living in a house compared with living in a apartment.

    Само эссе:

    The question, in which final dot will never be stand, is whether the most comfortable living in an apartment or in a private house. When some people claim that only house may provide tranquility, another significant part of society believes that socializing is only aspect that can overweight any arguments. There are a lot of pros and cons supporting both sides and I'm going to mention some of them below.

    First of all, living in a house may give some perks to his owner. For example. there is a private backyard, where ones can make a barbecue or just play with children on the fresh air. The second benefit is that single building usually much more spacious than an ordinary apartment. Also, some folks think that it is more advantageous to dwell in private house, because it provides the genuine freedom. However, some drawbacks of having private house may be found, and first that incredible efforts should be spent to regular tidying. This way of living usually means considerably longer commute in comparison with apartments' inhabitants. To say more, the cost of living in a house usually higher.

    Then, the very first vital benefit of having a private apartment is high accessibility of any kind of service, including shops, drugstores and banks. Another crucial point is a possibility to organize own day without concern about car condition, parking and even traffic congestion. Nevertheless, the obvious shortcoming of dwelling in a apartment is that air condition frequently much worse than in a rural area. Also, neighbors may be trouble-makers, spoiling ones life.

    To sum up, there are various arguments for and against of living in both sort of housing. This dispute will never stop.


    Большое спасибо!
    Last edited by orionix; 18.10.2012, 09:28.

    Comment


    • Сообщение от orionix Посмотреть сообщение
      Всем доброго дня.

      Снова просьба проверить, на этот раз мое эссе. General writing.

      Задание:

      Some people prefer to live in a house, while others feel that there are more advantages to living in a apartment.

      Are there more advantages than disadvantages of living in a house compared with living in a apartment.

      Само эссе:

      The question, in which final dot will never be stand, is whether the most comfortable living in an apartment or in a private house. When some people claim that only house may provide tranquility, another significant part of society believes that socializing is only aspect that can overweight any arguments. There are a lot of pros and cons supporting both sides and I'm going to mention some of them below.

      First of all, living in a house may give some perks to his owner. For example. there is a private backyard, where ones can make a barbecue or just play with children on the fresh air. The second benefit is that single building usually much more spacious than an ordinary apartment. Also, some folks think that it is more advantageous to dwell in private house, because it provides the genuine freedom. However, some drawbacks of having private house may be found, and first that incredible efforts should be spent to regular tidying. This way of living usually means considerably longer commute in comparison with apartments' inhabitants. To say more, the cost of living in a house usually higher.

      Then, the very first vital benefit of having a private apartment is high accessibility of any kind of service, including shops, drugstores and banks. Another crucial point is a possibility to organize own day without concern about car condition, parking and even traffic congestion. Nevertheless, the obvious shortcoming of dwelling in a apartment is that air condition frequently much worse than in a rural area. Also, neighbors may be trouble-makers, spoiling ones life.

      To sum up, there are various arguments for and against of living in both sort of housing. This dispute will never stop.


      Большое спасибо!
      Извините, но это очень плохо
      Рунглиш в каждом предложении, неправильный порядок слов, пропускаете подлежащие и сказуемые, проблемы со структурой и боди параграфами, странные линкеры, вокабуляр, запятые, артикли, стилистика, тон повествования, etc. Вам бы к хорошему преподавателю, общее знание языка подтянуть. Хотя, если Вы зависимый аппликант и Вам нужен оверал 4.5, то можно постараться самому подтянуть знания по учебникам.

      Comment


      • Сообщение от Divo Посмотреть сообщение
        Извините, но это очень плохо
        Рунглиш в каждом предложении, неправильный порядок слов, пропускаете подлежащие и сказуемые, проблемы со структурой и боди параграфами, странные линкеры, вокабуляр, запятые, артикли, стилистика, тон повествования, etc. Вам бы к хорошему преподавателю, общее знание языка подтянуть. Хотя, если Вы зависимый аппликант и Вам нужен оверал 4.5, то можно постараться самому подтянуть знания по учебникам.
        Согласен

        Comment


        • Сообщение от will.i.am Посмотреть сообщение
          Из "Collins English for Exams Writing for IELTS":
          If you are aiming for an IELTS band 6.0, it is probably sufficient simply to list your main points with reasons and examples (Firstly, ... Secondly, ... Thirdly, ...). If you are aiming for a band 6.5 or above, you are more likely to achieve this score if you demonstrate some critical thinking skills. This means discussing the advantages and disadvantages of different solutions and ideas.
          Согласна на все 100.

          Вопрос: действительно ли
          ...

          Конечно же при условии что оба эссе будут написано на одном уровне.
          Нет
          Last edited by Maimiti_Isabella; 18.10.2012, 21:41.
          ____________
          Сообщение от bolo83
          всезнающая дама предпенсионного возраста, которая сама непонятно как попала в Австралию

          Comment


          • Сообщение от Divo Посмотреть сообщение
            Извините, но это очень плохо
            Рунглиш в каждом предложении, неправильный порядок слов, пропускаете подлежащие и сказуемые, проблемы со структурой и боди параграфами, странные линкеры, вокабуляр, запятые, артикли, стилистика, тон повествования, etc. Вам бы к хорошему преподавателю, общее знание языка подтянуть. Хотя, если Вы зависимый аппликант и Вам нужен оверал 4.5, то можно постараться самому подтянуть знания по учебникам.
            Спасибо большое....

            но нужны 7777.... тем более что уже четыре раза сдавал...., ридинг и лиснинг натягиваю, а вот спикинг и райтинг максимум получалось 6 и 6 .... ((
            ....я правда академик все время сдавал..., теперь буду дженерал...
            ...

            Comment


            • Сообщение от orionix Посмотреть сообщение
              Всем доброго дня.

              Снова просьба проверить, на этот раз мое эссе. General writing.

              Задание:

              Some people prefer to live in a house, while others feel that there are more advantages to living in a apartment.

              Are there more advantages than disadvantages of living in a house compared with living in a apartment.

              Само эссе:

              The question, in which final dot will never be stand, is whether (the most comfortable living) it would be more comfortable to live in an apartment or in a private house. When some people claim that only house may provide tranquility, another significant part of society believes that socializing is only aspect that can overweight any arguments. There are a lot of pros and cons supporting both sides and I'm going to mention some of them below.

              First of all, living in a house may give some perks to his owner. For example. there is a private backyard, where ones can make a barbecue or just play with children on the fresh air. The second benefit is that single building usually much more spacious than an ordinary apartment. Also, some folks think that it is more advantageous to dwell in private house, because it provides the genuine freedom. However, some drawbacks of having private house may be found, and first that incredible efforts should be spent to regular tidying. This way of living usually means considerably longer commute in comparison with apartments' inhabitants. To say more, the cost of living in a house is usually higher.

              Then, the very first vital benefit of having a private apartment is high accessibility of any kind of service, including shops, drugstores and banks. Another crucial point is a possibility to organize own day without concern about car condition, parking and even traffic congestion. Nevertheless, the obvious shortcoming of dwelling in a apartment is that air conditioning is frequently much worse than in a rural area. Also, neighbors may be trouble-makers, spoiling ones life.

              To sum up, there are various arguments for and against of living in both sort of housing. This dispute will never stop.


              Большое спасибо!
              Выделила только некоторые моменты, осталось так и непонятно - так больше преимуществ или недостатков??
              До 7 надо изучить удачные вступления, collocations, а также использовать разные сложные структуры, не забывать ставить глагол to be c прилагательными

              Comment


              • Сообщение от Polina_K Посмотреть сообщение
                Выделила только некоторые моменты, осталось так и непонятно - так больше преимуществ или недостатков??
                До 7 надо изучить удачные вступления, collocations, а также использовать разные сложные структуры, не забывать ставить глагол to be c прилагательными

                Спасибо большое Полина!

                Comment


                • Здравствуйте, впервые пишу в этой теме. Мне очень нужно набрать 8 по айелтс, поэтому очень нужно ваше мнение, чего же в моем письме не хватает для 8 и над чем еще мне нужно поработать. Заранее спасибо!

                  The success of a business or sport team depends more on the leader of that team members. This is because it is a leader who makes sure everyone works together to achieve the team’s goals.
                  To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

                  We live in a competitive society where each company and sport team are aiming to achieve a best performance and great success. I believe that a good leadership is one of the necessary attributes for their goal achievement. So I would completely agree with the statement above and support my ideas in the next paragraphs.
                  In my opinion, a leader usually has all necessary personality attributes that help to manage work and responsibilities in a team. To be able to do so, a leader should be broad-minded, intelligent, confident, have good interpersonal skills and be able to make decisions under pressure. For instance, if businesses and sports would not have a leader, team members would be arguing about each decision they have to make and would never reach an agreement. For this reason, a leader should also be inspirational and maybe in sports, he should be a role-model for other members of the team.
                  However, a leadership is not always perfect, there poor version of it also takes place. I would argue that the latter can create even more issues than its complete absence and can negatively influence a performance and success of a team. This can happen for two reasons, one is when the leader is a weak person and not respected by others, and the other reason is when a leader is too powerful and too controlling despot. First one is unable to make quick decisions and provide agreement in a team, while the second is unable to delegate responsibility, thereby making other team members feel unimportant, so they lose their interest in participation and contribution to success.
                  In conclusion, I believe that a good leader, who has all necessary personality attributes, can bring success and high performance to the businesses and sport teams.

                  Comment


                  • Сообщение от Flora Посмотреть сообщение
                    Здравствуйте, впервые пишу в этой теме. Мне очень нужно набрать 8 по айелтс, поэтому очень нужно ваше мнение, чего же в моем письме не хватает для 8 и над чем еще мне нужно поработать. Заранее спасибо!

                    The success of a business or sport team depends more on the leader of that team members. This is because it is a leader who makes sure everyone works together to achieve the team’s goals.
                    To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

                    We live in a competitive society where each company and sport team are aiming to achieve a best performance and great success. I believe that a good leadership is one of the necessary attributes for their goal achievement. So I would completely agree with the statement above and support my ideas in the next paragraphs.
                    In my opinion, a leader usually has all necessary personality attributes that help to manage work and responsibilities in a team. To be able to do so, a leader should be broad-minded, intelligent, confident, have good interpersonal skills and be able to make decisions under pressure. For instance, if businesses and sports would not have a leader, team members would be arguing about each decision they have to make and would never reach an agreement. For this reason, a leader should also be inspirational and maybe in sports, he should be a role-model for other members of the team.
                    However, a leadership is not always perfect, there poor version of it also takes place. I would argue that the latter can create even more issues than its complete absence and can negatively influence a performance and success of a team. This can happen for two reasons, one is when the leader is a weak person and not respected by others, and the other reason is when a leader is too powerful and too controlling despot. First one is unable to make quick decisions and provide agreement in a team, while the second is unable to delegate responsibility, thereby making other team members feel unimportant, so they lose their interest in participation and contribution to success.
                    In conclusion, I believe that a good leader, who has all necessary personality attributes, can bring success and high performance to the businesses and sport teams.
                    Немного странная формулировка самой темы "the leader of that team members"

                    Если имеется в виду, что лидер важнее, чем остальная команда, то их и нужно сравнивать, приводя примеры из бизнеса и спорта.

                    Над чем поработать?
                    Артикли, Conditional Mood, парафраз, пунктуация

                    Comment


                    • Добрый вечер. Прошу посмотреть мое эссе и указать на основные ошибки. Мне нужно получить 7 баллов. Ближайшую сдачу планирую через 2-3 месяца.
                      Я постаралась усвоить основные замечания с этого форума, но заранее прошу прощения если не все учла.

                      Group and team activities are more important than activities don alone, because they teach us important life skills. To what extent do you agree?

                      When considering development of important life skills, I believe that both group and individual activities are necessary, but the majority of indispensable aptitudes are amplified by participating in team activities.

                      Participating in group activities teaches people to behave in the competitive environment. Being engaged in a command sport generally intends aspiration to overcome rivals. Suitable examples are such sports as football, basketball, volleyball, hockey and etc. Furthermore interacting in a team reveals leadership skills and teaches how to organize work in a group, assign responsibilities and aim the desired result. The development if these skills is essential for those who wishes to achieve CEO positions in future career.

                      Also, attending group classes evolves communication skills, which are vital in everyday life. For example, in kindergarten toddlers learn how to interact with each other. Interaction skills are necessary since the childhood and their importance only increases with age.

                      At the same time, I am convinced that individual activities also teach us significant life skills. Activities done alone require high level of responsibility. For example, artists work independently and the result of their performance is always up to them. Moreover, participating in individual activities develops time management and goal setting skills. Good time management is essential to success in any kind of activity. Setting personal, health and career goals helps to consider what you want to achieve in your lifetime.

                      In conclusion, both types of activities develop significant life skills, but in my opinion, team activities teach us more useful aptitudes, than activities done alone.
                      01.04.2015 - ANZSCO 221111 IPA Accountant General
                      25.11.2013 - ANZSCO 221213 CPA External Auditor
                      IELTS General 06.09.2014 L9 R9 W7.0 S7.5

                      Comment


                      • Сообщение от high_flier Посмотреть сообщение
                        Добрый вечер. Прошу посмотреть мое эссе и указать на основные ошибки.
                        Participating in group activities teaches people to behave (missing how? в текущем варианте = вести себя хорошо) in the competitive environment.

                        command = команда, которую исполнить, не команда людей

                        et means and, the phrase and et cetera is redundant

                        The (redundant article) development if (typo) these skills is essential for those who wishes(must be in plural) to achieve CEO (executive) positions in future career.

                        Слишком много запятых, в анлийском пунктуация более простая.

                        For example, in kindergarten toddlers learn how to interact with each other. Interaction skills are necessary since the childhood.. Непонятный тезис (дети учатся общаться, следовательно, навыки общения важны для них.. какая-то непонятная логическая связка).
                        Last edited by SaunaMan; 22.10.2012, 02:01.

                        Comment


                        • Сообщение от Esperanca Посмотреть сообщение
                          С артиклями у меня просто беда.
                          Можно применять простое rule of thumb для неопр артикля:
                          1. поставьте его туда, куда вы думаете он может быть поставлен
                          2. замените a/an на any или one.
                          3. если после замены смысл предложения не пропал, то артикль нужен

                          (примерно такой же метод есть в русском для написания тоже \ то же: выкидываете же, если смысл остался - пишем раздельно)

                          Comment


                          • Сообщение от Polina_K Посмотреть сообщение
                            Над чем поработать?
                            Артикли, Conditional Mood, парафраз, пунктуация
                            Спасибо, Polina.

                            Comment


                            • Flora, в дополнение к мудрым советам Полины рекомендую обратить внимание на линкеры, т.к. у Вас их использование хромает (не всегда к месту и лексический уровень линкеров не дотягивает до 8-ки, имхо).

                              Comment


                              • Сообщение от Divo Посмотреть сообщение
                                Flora, в дополнение к мудрым советам Полины рекомендую обратить внимание на линкеры, т.к. у Вас их использование хромает (не всегда к месту и лексический уровень линкеров не дотягивает до 8-ки, имхо).
                                Спасибо, Divo. Мнение со стороны вседа полезно, отрезвляет.

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