My essay, проверьте, покритикуйте! Спасибо!

[Vanderley]

Nowadays, the condition of people's mental health has started - [Мне вот совсем не нравится тут перфект.] - to concern them - [вроде как на people указывает, но все равно как-то конфьзинг. Когда читаешь, хочется спросить кого them?] - in the modern society - [уже ж есть nowadays. Да и звучит как-то странно - "стал волновать в современном мире."] -. Individuals have become - [в русском зачастую стал = начал, в английском это не работает] - to suffer from annoyance, unhappiness and frustration. This essay will put forward the notion that this situation happens because of the definite - [certain] - reasons the negative effects of which can be diminished or avoided.

There is no doubt that stress is caused by the number - [a number = some, the number - число] - of circumstances in the people’s lives. Firstly, lots of them work hard pursuing to - [по-моему нельзя сказать pursue to, только pursue smth] - earn money as much as they can - [as much money as they can?] - and forget about such simple thing as taking the rest - [the rest of what? a rest] -. As a result, a person becomes tired, unsatisfied and demotivated. Secondly, unhealthy lifestyle is the one of the main reasons - [без the] - which could lead to nervousness and depression. For instance, smoking, abusing of alcohol - [alcochol abuse] - and unhealthy diet can result in insomnia and mental disorders. Finally, loneliness causes some psychological issues which impact individuals negatively - [which negatively impact individuals, плюс запятая перед этим всем, это вроде как non-defining clause] -. This can be proven by the fact that almost all - [я бы это выкинул] - human beings are social creatures and being alone for them is difficult not only physically but psychologically as well.

Nevertheless, the above highlighted problems can be resolved by the following approaches. One solution is taking rest - [a rest?] - during the leisure time when a person - [is?] - out of the office. In other words, an individual should not be overloaded permanently at work but dedicate a reasonable time in order to - [я не уверен что dedicate может быть само по себе. dedicate to/for. dedicate some time to recharging] - recharge their batteries. Another measure to decrease the negative effects of the stress is to follow healthy lifestyle by doing physical exercises, eating - [having] - balanced diet and denying - [avoiding] - drinking alcohol. In addition, encouraging - [engaging in] - the social life by keeping in touch with the close relatives, supporting friendship and making new friends is the integral part of a person's life запятая which helps people to stay mentally stable.

To sum up, indeed, stress is one of the main psychological issues for humans in today’s world which can be successfully defeated by following the measures suggested in this essay. - [это надо как-то переписать. which относится к stress, но стоит далеко от него и конфьюзит ридера. Перед ним надо как минимум запятая, потому что это non-defining clause, а вообще по хорошему я бы разнес это как-то на два предложения]

По TA и СС вроде неплохо.

[Vanderley]

Nowadays, stress is becoming an increasingly sensitive issue - [не знаю или sensitive тут подходит. sensitive это когда нужно аккуратно с ним быть. discrimination is sensitive.] - all over the world for a range of reasons - [выкинуть. я прочитав такую концовку ожидал каких-то пояснений далее про эти самые reasons.] -. Fortunately, there are several measures which people can take to tackle this problem.

Many people, and those who live in big cities in particular - [я бы especially/ particularly ближе к началу фразы пихнул, чтобы не воспринималось как люди и те кто живут в городах. many people, especially those living in big cities.] - , are exposed to a huge number of stressful situations every day predominantly because of their jobs. Few people are satisfied with their jobs whereas others desperately work overtime trying to climb the career ladder. - [не очень удачное противопоставление имхо. я удовлетворен работой и при этом соперничаю с коллегами чтобы промоутнуться. почему нет? satisfy надо как-либо заменить.] - They put their health and family second to materialistic values, and trying to earn a lot of money in order to [be able to] afford to buy - [убрать] - a new car or an apartment they suffer from a significant level of stress. If people had been more concerned with their spiritual values rather than personal belongings, this issue would not have likely sparked such a heated debate. - [это наверное надо в следующий параграф перенести.] - Secondly, the overwhelming majority of TV news nowadays is extremely negative and is all about brutal murders, massacres, disasters, etc. This news definitely makes people feel unhappy and stressed because they become more concerned about their health and their children's security.

However, watching positive news on TV is not the only way to reduce stress. Firstly, people should relax more and have at least several brakes - [breaks] - during work - [я бы написал a year, а не during work. в нынешнем виде похоже что вы пишете про 5минутные перерывы] -. It would be a nice idea to travel abroad on their vacation; sunbathing, sightseeing, visiting monuments and many other leisure activities would be beneficial for people's health. Secondly, individuals should find a job which they will be satisfied with. Therefore, they must avoid any kind of job with a cut-throat competition between employees. In addition, people can buy an aquarium, for instance, which will undoubtedly have a soothing effect on them.

To conclude, it is clear that various stressful situations in people's lives are certain to arise as they work quite hard and do not make enough time to relax. However, several simple steps can be taken to improve living conditions - [я бы это убрал. это ведь не про стресс. вдобавок вы ранее пишете про то, что надо к spiritual values стремиться, а тут раз и давайте улучшим living conditions] - for people and reduce stress.

Гуд джоб. Мне нравится. Очень аккуратно написано.

[АнатолийI]

Забыл переместить для разбора, сорри:


Stress is now a major problem in many countries around the world.

What are some of the factors in modern society that cause this stress, and how can we reduce it?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.

An essential problem of the 21th century is stress. There are several causes which influence people making them nervous and tiredness. It is undeniable that humanity should focus on this issue to eliminate negative effects of stress. This essay will give answers on questions what and how we can reduce to live at peace and harmony.

To start with, it is a well-known fact that nowadays humanity is worried concerning huge number of stressful situations in our life which could not even been counted easily. There are a few main ones. First of all, it is work activity which gives people such problems as conflicts, deadlines and high pressure. All these factors could cause depression as well as unhappiness and devastation. Secondly, dissatisfaction in private life gives rise to unhealthy lifestyle, mental disorders and, as a consequence, diseases and sense of pointless existence. The last, but not least, reason is lack of social circumstances, such as standard of living and opportunities for leisure.

Obviously, people should find ways to reduce harmful effects of stressful routine and even try to cease it. The first way is to choose sufficient job so that all work criterions would be well-balanced. It is regarding salary, work schedule, relationships with colleagues and boss.
The second way is to vary our private life paying attention to own family, carrying for relatives and communicating with friends. The third way is to provide comfortable and healthy life’s conditions which include possibilities to have time for relaxation, get healthy nutrition, be able to do anything positive whatever people want.

In conclusion, it is undoubtedly, people should look for middle way during all life avoiding disharmony and stress and trying to diminish number of unsolved psychological issues.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Забыл переместить для разбора, сорри:


Stress is now a major problem in many countries around the world.

What are some of the factors in modern society that cause this stress, and how can we reduce it?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.

An 1. essential problem of the 21th century is stress. There are several causes which (2) influence people making them nervous and tiredness. It is undeniable that humanity should focus on this issue to eliminate negative effects of stress. This essay will give answers on questions what and how we can reduce to live at peace and harmony.

1. essential: important, vital - т.е. без нее никак нельзя. Вы же хотите сказать, что эта проблем serious, endemic, significant, common, widespread, etc
2. 2 problems in this part. a) Why can't you just say ... which make people nervous / which cause / bring about / result in tiredness b) nervous - is and adj. tiredness - is an noun. You can't joint them with 'and'! --> make people nervous and tired (better: exhausted) / cause anxiety and exhaustion

А еще лучше использвать номинализацию --> which are the cause of + nouns



Остальное чуть попозже. Stay tuned.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Продолжим?

An (1). essential problem of the 21th century is stress. There are several causes which (2) influence people making them nervous and tiredness. It is undeniable that humanity should focus on (3) this issue to eliminate negative effects of stress. This essay will (4) give answers on questions (5)what and how we can reduce to live (6)at peace and harmony.

3. Coherence problem: какой this issue? В пред. предложении говорилось о causes, hence these issues. Если же под this issue подразумевается stress, то зачем тогда о нем опять говорить в конце данного предложения. Короче, непонятно о чем идет речь...
4. to answer / to address the question (transitive verb)
to give / provide answers to the question
Честно говоря, слово answer мне здесь совсем не нравится. Т.е. в своем коротком эссе вы все проблемы стресса вот так быстро и answer?
5. непонятно о чем речь
6. Такое вообще-то обычно о проблемах войны и мира. Но уж никак не о стрессе.


Теперь когда мы разобрались с английской стороной вопроса, давайте посмотрим на TA.
Что вас просят в задании? - cause this stress, and how can we reduce it. Т.е., здесь 2 момента: что вызывает стресс и как мы можем его (т.е. стресс) reduce
Смотрим ваше Introduction: to eliminate negative effects of stress - т.е. фокус смешается на последствия стресса, а не на его причины.

[АнатолийI]

ещё раз пересмотрел, откорректировал в плане ошибок


An essential significant problem of the 21th century is stress. There are several causes which influence make people making them nervous and exhausted. tiredness. It is undeniable that humanity should focus on this issue. to eliminate negative effects of stress. This essay will give answers on deal with questions what causes of stress are and how we can reduce stress and to live at in peace happiness and harmony.

To start with, it is a well-known fact that nowadays humanity is worried, concerning the huge number of stressful situations in our life, which could not even have been counted easily. There are a few main ones. First of all, it is work activity which gives people such problems, such as conflicts, deadlines and high pressure. All these factors could cause depression as well as unhappiness and devastation. Secondly, dissatisfaction in private life gives rise to an unhealthy lifestyle, mental disorders and, as a consequence, diseases and a sense of pointless existence. The last, but not least, reason is lack of social circumstances, such as a low standard of living and opportunities for leisure.

Obviously, people should find ways to reduce harmful effects of stressful routine and even try to cease stop it. The first way is to choose sufficient the type of job so that all work criterions would be well-balanced. It is with regards to regarding salary, work schedule, relationships with colleagues and boss.
The second way is to vary our private life paying attention to your own family, carrying caring for relatives and communicating with friends. The third way is to provide a comfortable and healthy life’s conditions which include possibilities to have time for relaxation, get healthy nutrition, be able to do anything positive whatever people want.

In conclusion, it is undoubtedly, people should look for a middle way during all ones life avoiding disharmony and stress and trying to diminish the number of unsolved psychological issues.

Maimiti Isabella, спасибо!
Буду работать ещё, но это видимо будет полностью другое эссе.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

ещё раз пересмотрел, откорректировал в плане ошибок


An essential major problem of the 21th century is stress. There are several causes which influence people making them nervous and tiredness. It is undeniable that humanity should focus on this issue to eliminate negative effects of stress. This essay will give answers on questions what and how we can reduce stress and to live at in peace and harmony.


Maimiti Isabella, спасибо!
Буду работать ещё, но это видимо будет полностью другое эссе.

За что спасибо, если вы практически проигнорировали мои исправления?

[АнатолийI]

За что спасибо, если вы практически проигнорировали мои исправления?

please, wait

[Maimiti_Isabella]

An essential significant problem of the 21th century is stress. There are several causes which influence make people making them nervous and exhausted. tiredness. It is undeniable that humanity should focus on this issue. to eliminate negative effects of stress. This essay will give answers on deal with questions what causes of stress are and how we can reduce stress and to live at in peace happiness and harmony.

Ошибки вроде как исправили. Теперь давайте улучшать. О чем эссе? - о стрессе! (Stress is now a major problem in many countries around the world). Как мы знаем, наиболее важная информация помещается обычно в начале предложения. Итак:

Stress has emerged as the most significant problem of the 21st century.
слово significant уж слишком overused. Какое слово я вам предложила из не очень вам известных? В дополнение, вы уверены, что стресс действительно самая серьезная проблема? Я нет. Надо слегко 'подсластить' и заодно показать, что мы понимаем правила игры английского языка. И еще один момент. Что означает слово 'now' в задании - это тоже важно обдумать. -->
Stress has emerged as one of the most widespread / endemic problems of the modern society. Я, конечно, могу написать stress is..., но 1. это слишком просто, 2. не отражает значение слова now в данном контексте 3. не позволяет показать lexical and grammatical density 4. недостаточно формально

PS я показала как надо работать над английским - учиться не только выражать свои мысли, но и оттачивать каждую фразу. В конце концов, это войдет в режим автоматизма.

(PPS - я только работаю над вашей фразой. Сама бы я вообще совершенно по другому написала.)

[Dremlin]

Небольшой троллинг.

Stress is now a major problem in many countries around the world.

What are some of the factors in modern society that cause this stress, and how can we reduce it?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.

Итого получилось вот что:

One of the most serious issues modern people have to cope with is stress. It can be seen everywhere, and virtually every person can relate to this problem. This essay will cover factors contributing to stress' increase and suggest the ways to relieve it.

Stress stems from several things. One of the most obvious ones is a rapid development in various spheres of the human life. Not only does it hit a housewife who needs to learn how a new improved piece of kitchen appliance [appliance на сколько я знаю, уже есть piece of kitchen equipment] works, but it also affects an employee who have to familiarise himself [sexism detected?] with new technologies his company decides to employ [deploy?] on a regular basis. This results in a constant need to learn and [,] consequently [,] in increased tiredness and stress. Another major factor that causes stress is intensive urbanisation destroying green areas and bringing problems like noise and [я бы поставил запятую] light pollution and traffic congestion to people's lives. As a result [,] society looses places for relaxations and gets insomnia and nervousness. [не знаю как Вам, а мне не нравится, что общество становится нервным.. people?]

Fortunately, there are ways to deal with outlined above problems [не уверен на 100%, но я бы написал the above outlined problems]. First of all, it is a well known [well-known] fact that switching between physical and mental activities leads to an increase in production [productivity, efficiency?] and helps to decrease tiredness. This [That] is why different physical exercises is a perfect cure in cases when one has to learn a lot. Another way to relieve stress is being more responsible when it comes to planning leisure time. When people experience harmful effects of living in a city, the best solution is to take a stroll in a park or to go to countryside on a weekend. Finally, by being judicious about holidays and travelling wherever possible, people can get rid of [я бы заменил на eliminate] stress and recharge their batteries.

To sum up, there are a number of factors, such as the need to learn more and urban problems like traffic jams, that contribute to the rise of stress. However, as shown above, the effective methods of dealing with it exist and should be employed whenever possible.

(329 сло)

[Vanderley]

appliance на сколько я знаю, уже есть piece of kitchen equipment

ну стиральная машина тоже аплайенс, так что вроде это не тавтология. А вот piece стоит нааверное убрать.

sexism detected

Это пример, я пишу про дядю работника и тетю домохозяйку. Вот я их представил, и пишу о них. Я раньше тоже старался совсем избегать he/she, но Maimity_Isabella поинтид аут, что в примерах это звучит абсолютно нормально.
employ - кльовое слово, в некоторых ситуациях синоним простому и банальному to use. Methods and technologies вроде как можно employ.

я бы поставил запятую

шумовое и световое загрязнение. Вообще noise можно воспринять как сущеествительное, но тогда не было бы and после него.

За проверку спасибо! С некоторыми вещами я напортачил. В частности с моим любимым словом lose

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Vanderley,
a где ваше эссе? О чем вообще идет речь?

[Vanderley]

Maimiti_Isabella, ну как жеж, Dremlin же выложил пару постов назад. Выложил при помощи цитаты, можно ляпнуть по стрелочке и перейти на ориигнал.

ПЫСЫ: мне уже страшно

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Maimiti_Isabella, ну как жеж, Dremlin же выложил пару постов назад. Выложил при помощи цитаты, можно ляпнуть по стрелочке и перейти на ориигнал.

Dremlin у меня в игноре. Поэтому его 'стрелочек' не вижу.

Давайте вашу 'стрелочку'.

ПЫСЫ: мне уже страшно

Я с удовольствием вас проигнорирую (в смысле ваше эссе, а не вас ), если желаете

[Vanderley]

Dremlin у меня в игноре. Поэтому его 'стрелочек' не вижу.

Давайте вашу 'стрелочку'.

вот оно что

Я с удовольствием вас проигнорирую (в смысле ваше эссе, а не вас ), если желаете

Не, не, это я изобразио волнение. Отзыв получить интересно, а то мало ли чему я тут других учу. Эссе тут. Тема как у товарище выше, про стресс.