От 6.0 и выше... опыт бывалых

[Lucky 777]

Видите ли, для того чтобы что-то посоветовать нужно знать 'диагноз'. А его-то и нет.
Вот поместите сюда хотя бы одно свое эссе, тогда и поговорить можно конкретнее.

А иначе: учитесь, учитесь и еще раз учитесь (непонятно чему и как)

Хорошо - поставьте диагноз, плиз.


There is no doubt that violence shown on TV and in the Cinema has some affects on young people. Some people support the opinion that juvenile people do not affected by violence, because they understand that pictures on the screens are just a fiction story, while others argue that violent behaviour on the screens subconsciously reflects on behaviour of young members of our society.
It is widespread belief that a person who has reached a certain age can understand a difference between fiction actions on a screen from real life behaviour. This can be proved by following example; lots of countries have age restrictions and rules which have to be applying on any public entertainment materials such as Computer games, movies, TV-shows and so on. Thus, it means that there is a common censorship which was created to protect young from violence from the screens.
On the other hand, nowadays every pupil has an access to the Internet where he or she could find some banded for their age TV-shows or movies, and watch them online or by downloading them. In this case, I believe, the violence form those shows could definitely has some affect on juveniles. Unfortunately, recent event with movie “The Dark Knight Rises” shows that it is true and some young people are not ready yet to see violent behaviour from the big screen, not only because they have not reached the certain age, but also because some of them could have a mental disorder or a different psychiatric disease.
To sum up, I personally believe that the violence on the screens definitely has some affects on young minds and the best way to reduce such influence is to review rating restrictions and maybe create new strict rules which will consider a possibility that young people have some psychiatric conditions.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Хорошо - поставьте диагноз, плиз.


There is no doubt that violence shown on TV and in the Cinema has some affects on young people. Some people support the opinion that juvenile people do not affected by violence, because they understand that pictures on the screens are just a fiction story, while others argue that violent behaviour on the screens subconsciously reflects on behaviour of young members of our society.
It is widespread belief that a person who has reached a certain age can understand a difference between fiction actions on a screen from real life behaviour. This can be proved by following example; lots of countries have age restrictions and rules which have to be applying on any public entertainment materials such as Computer games, movies, TV-shows and so on. Thus, it means that there is a common censorship which was created to protect young from violence from the screens.
On the other hand, nowadays every pupil has an access to the Internet where he or she could find some banded for their age TV-shows or movies, and watch them online or by downloading them. In this case, I believe, the violence form those shows could definitely has some affect on juveniles. Unfortunately, recent event with movie “The Dark Knight Rises” shows that it is true and some young people are not ready yet to see violent behaviour from the big screen, not only because they have not reached the certain age, but also because some of them could have a mental disorder or a different psychiatric disease.
To sum up, I personally believe that the violence on the screens definitely has some affects on young minds and the best way to reduce such influence is to review rating restrictions and maybe create new strict rules which will consider a possibility that young people have some psychiatric conditions.

Где задание и вопрос? О чем пишем? Задание приведите на английском, в полном об'еме.

Завтра после работы посмотрю подробно. Но пока - информация к размышлению: у вас проблемы с английским, которые, к сожалению, будут решаться тяжело. Много мелких ошибок в употреблении форм, предлогов и т.д.

Поэтому все Райаны и прочие к вам отношения не имеют совсем.

Разбирать ошибки буду здесь, так что не сердитесь

Но завтра.

Спокойной ночи.

[Lucky 777]

Где задание и вопрос? О чем пишем? Задание приведите на английском, в полном об'еме.

Завтра после работы посмотрю подробно. Но пока - информация к размышлению: у вас проблемы с английским, которые, к сожалению, будут решаться тяжело. Много мелких ошибок в употреблении форм, предлогов и т.д.

Поэтому все Райаны и прочие к вам отношения не имеют совсем.

Разбирать ошибки буду здесь, так что не сердитесь

Но завтра.

Спокойной ночи.

Пытался найти задание не получилось, завтра найду. Утро вечера мудренее.

Я не против конструктивной критики. Я в школе английский не учил (дурень немецкий изучал), знаю что у меня проблемы с предлогами, формами или устойчивыми словосочетаниями есть, проблема в том, что я тут-то их и не всегда вижу.

Да час ночи пора спать, спокойной ночи.

[Pavel_K]

opinion that juvenile people do not affected by violence,

Я хоть и не силен в английском как другие, но вот эту ошибку не могу не заметить. Здесь неправильное использование passive, должно быть are not affected.
Очень рекомендую больше читать и слушать, мне именно это довольно сильно помогло.

[Vinodel]

Дайте, плиз, ссылки на Райана и Саймона. Спасибо!

[Lucky 777]

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

A lot of people believe that the amount of violence shown on TV and in the cinema
affects the actions of our young people and therefore increases the amount of
violence in our society today.

Do you agree or disagree with this statement? What can be done to reduce
violence in our society today?

You should write at least 250 words.

[Vyacheslav16]

Дайте, плиз, ссылки на Райана и Саймона. Спасибо!

Райан Хиггинс:
EnglishRyan - YouTube
EnglishRyan IELTS Writing Resources from an IELTS Instructor

Саймон:
ielts-simon.com

[Maimiti_Isabella]

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

A lot of people believe that the amount of violence shown on TV and in the cinema affects the actions of our young people and therefore increases the amount of violence in our society today.

Do you agree or disagree with this statement? What can be done to reduce
violence in our society today?
......

There is no doubt that violence shown on TV and in the Cinema (--> cinema) has some 1a. affects on young people. Some people support the opinion that 2. juvenile people do not 1.b. affected by violence, because they understand that pictures on the screens are just a fiction story, while others argue that violent behaviour on the 3. screens subconsciously reflects on behaviour of young members of our society.

Let's analyse the essay step by step, to make it easier to understand where you lose marks.

You are repeating the wording of the essay task but making a couple of mistakes along the way. From the point of view of the examiner, you haven't demonstrated a good range of vocab and the mistakes you're making are pretty basic.

1. 1a is not the best choice of words as generally speaking in most cases affect is a verb while effect is a noun (this is very general as both can be both ) . 1.b is wrong from the grammar point of view as this should be passive --> are affected
2. If you check the usage of the word 'juvenile', you'd notice that it is mostly used in negative contexts, like juvenile offenders or juvenile system. Anyway, google the occurrence of 'juvenile people' as a phrase.
3. the word screens is repeated twice, which is again indicative of poor vocab. range.

I'm off to get dinner going. I'll get back to this thread in an hour or so.

[Lucky 777]

OK, so far I can see why I am not doing well.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Let's continue, shall we?

It is A widespread belief that a person who has reached a certain age can understand THE difference between fiction actions on a screen (--> on-screen fiction) 1. from real life behaviour. This can be proved by THE following example 2.; 3. lots of countries have 4. age restrictions and rules which have 5. to be applying on any public entertainment materials 6 such as 7. Computer games, movies, 8. TV-shows and 3. so on. Thus, 9. it means that there is 10. a common censorship which was created to protect 11. young from 12. violence from the screens.

1. to see the difference between A and B / to distinguish A from B
2. --> :
3. too informal
4. What's age restrictions and what's rules? Shouldn't it be --> age restriction regulations/legislation
5. --> which apply to
6. comma
7. capitalisation error
8. TV shows (punctuation error)
9. What does 'it' refer to? --> This
10. a) no article b) what do you mean by 'common'? How about similar censorship approach
11. the young / the youth / the youths
12. from the on-screen violence (anyway, your 'from the screen' is wrong)

As you can see, there are many mistakes but there's no pattern, except for the prepositions perhaps. That's why it will be very difficult to address. I guess your mistakes have fossilised and you need to 're-train' your brain.

You will keep getting 7 or 7.5 until you manage to address the problem. You get good marks because the flow of your ideas is clear, your word choices are mostly correct, the organisation of the essay is appropriate and there are no problems with task achievement (or at least there's none in this particular essay, as far as I can see).


What would you like me to do now?

[Lucky 777]

If I have so many errors I cannot understand why I got 7.0?
And there is another question.
Can you recommend to me some approach to 're-train' my brain?

[Lucky 777]

Anyway, thanks a lot for your help and time.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

If I have so many errors I cannot understand why I got 7.0?
And there is another question.
Can you recommend to me some approach to 're-train' my brain?

I assume I don't have problems with structure, coherence and cohesion.

You are getting a 7 because you don't have any problems with structure, coherence and cohesion. And because your ideas flow 'naturally'. There's no problem with understanding the meaning and there are no cliches and other artificial 'devices'. In other words, your English sounds natural, though erroneous.

Again, it's quite difficult to recommend something without actually understanding the nature of the problem and your personality but the most 'generic' one would be reading texts (have a look at the 'useful readings for IELTS' thread) and deconstructing sentences. I would also recommend listening and reading at the same time (ABC national radio, for example, or BBC)

I hope you know what I mean. You look at the sentence and you break it up into smaller fragments to see how the words relate to each other and how they are connected / linked to create a sentence. Then you learn these bits and pieces, trying to use them in your own sentences. Does this make sense to you? This might take some time and a considerable effort because as I said it's easier to learn than un-learn.

[Lucky 777]

You are getting a 7 because you don't have any problems with structure, coherence and cohesion. And because your ideas flow 'naturally'. There's no problem with understanding the meaning and there are no cliches and other artificial 'devices'. In other words, your English sounds natural, though erroneous.

Again, it's quite difficult to recommend something without actually understanding the nature of the problem and your personality but the most 'generic' one would be reading texts (have a look at the 'useful readings for IELTS' thread) and deconstructing sentences. I would also think that listening and reading at the same time (ABC national radio, for example, or BBC)

I hope you know what I mean. You look at the sentence and you break it up into smaller fragments to see how the words relate to each other and how they are connected / linked to create a sentence. Then you learn these bits and pieces, trying to use them in your own sentences. Does this make sense to you? This might take some time and a considerable effort because as I said it's easier to learn than un-learn.

All of this make sense, and I am really apreciate what you have done for me. I will try to follow your advice.

I assume same problems I have when I speak.

If you don't mind I would like to try it again after some time.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

I assume same problems I have when I speak.

Probably. But as it doesn't affect your ability to express yourself clearly and to communicate the message across no one is paying attention to this in your line of work or study.

If you don't mind I would like to try it again after some time.

Sure.