My essay, проверьте, покритикуйте! Спасибо!

[Dremlin]

Я не буду судить по грамматике, так как сам хвораю. Мне не понравился introsuction. при первом чтении, предложения не вытекают одно из другого.

Что значит не вытекают одно из другого. На мой взгляд в них есть логическая цепочка.. Единственное, что я сам сразу заметил, но не стал править. Some of them work to earn money for their families while others commit crimes.. Типа некоторые работают (т.е. небольшой %), а остальные только и делают что воруют, грабят и убивают.. )

Так же, не упомянуты причины, почему в одних странах так, а в других эдак. Мне кажется, это было бы интереснее.

Скорее всего Вы правы... Наверное хорошо было бы сказать, что из-за не совершенства административного и уголовного законодательства в некоторых странах возникают споры какое наказание применять в каждом случае.

P.S. У меня порой бывает ступор, когда идеи вообще не появляются, вот это эссе одно из таких...

[FAR19812]

Давно не было писем (general, task1). На растерзание предлагается:


You met an accident in the kitchen of your rent apartment. Write a letter to your landlord. In your letter, you
• Explain the accident
• Describe the damage caused
• Suggest any remedy you think effective

Dear Sir / Madam,

(One more sentence about who are you - On of the renters for 3 years) I AM !!! writing to inform you about an accident we ( may be had we cant get accidents) got several days ago in the kitchen of our rent apartment.

Last holidays when I was using a cooker to prepare a dinner it suddenly became making!!!! (MAY BE started to make may be) strange sounds. After several moments (a few seconds may be), a piece of fire (May be prosto FIRE!!! have anyobe ever seen a peace of fire???) appeared and burned your curtains (Again may . It has also jumped into curtains may be ). I immediately turned off the cooker and started to fight the fire by spraying water to curtains (MAY BE everywhere). It took me three minutes before the fire was stopped. (TOO MANY FIRE) Fire - Burning

Despite the fact that the problem with the fire - kak to ploho zvuchit has BEEN solved, it still needsED to predict this issue in THE future. In my view, it is really dangerous to live with such an unreliable device. DOLGO RJAL NAD ETIM PREDLOJENIEM! I AFRAID TO LIVE WITH COOKER DO YOUMEAN _ ITS FUNNY! My wife is still shocked about it and she asked me not to use the cooker any more. ( ???? How does the cooker still work after fire??? Fantastic)

(TAK NE PROSYAT!! Please would you be so kind..... ) I believe you could help us to prevent possible accidents in future by replacing this cooker with a new one. I hope, we do not need to compensate the price of your curtains but they also need to be replaced. I was wondering if you could take steps as soon as possible because without cooker we have to visit the nearest café all the time we want to eat. As you can imagine, (Unfortunately MAY BE) it is too expensive for our budget.

Yours faithfully,

IZVINITE ZA EMOCIONALNOST!!!
CHITAYTE POBOLSCHE PISEM!!

[Fit_Eugene]

FAR19812, эмоциональность порой бывает крайне излишней, так как тема вроде как создана для тех, кто хочет совершенствоваться, а не для тех, кто хочет показать, насколько он хорошо пишет. Я рад за Вас, если Вам приходится читать и писать десятки писем. У меня не так. Тем не менее, я считаю, мое письмо не должно было вызвать эмоций, да и не для этого оно было опубликовано. Надеюсь, кто-нибудь вникнет в мои ошибки, и не будет совершать их сам.

PS нашел американчега, который обучает по скайпу 30 минут в день. Каждый день. 30 лет стажа. В том числе тоэфл и айлтс. Сегодня первое занятие. Могу порекомендовать. Вот, как он исправил письмо. Далеко не все, что Вас так взволновало, он посчитал критичным, а писем он наверное повидал немало на своем веку.

Dear Sir / Madam,

I am writing to inform you about an accident that happened several days ago in
the kitchen of our rented apartment.

During our last holiday in March, I was using your electric cooker to prepare
our dinner when it suddenly became making strange sounds. After several
moments, some sparks of fire appeared from the cooker, flew to your
curtains, and began to burn them. I immediately turned off the cooker and
started to fight the fire by spraying water on the curtains. It took three
minutes before the fire was stopped.

Despite the fact that the problem with the fire was solved, it is still very
important to address this issue in future. In my view, it is really dangerous
to live with such an unreliable device. My wife is still very upset about it, and
she has asked me not to use the cooker any more.

I believe you could help us to prevent possible accidents in the future
by replacing this cooker with a new one. I hope that we do not need to
compensate you for the price of your curtains, but they also need to be
replaced. I was wondering if you could correct this potentially dangerous
situation as soon as possible because without the cooker we have to visit
the nearest café every time we want to eat. As you can imagine, it is
too expensive for our budget. Thank you in advance for your anticipated
understanding and prompt response to our urgent request.

[FAR19812]

Уже лучше причём на много!!!! -)

[kayr]

Уважаемые Форумчане

[FAR19812]

Уважаемые Форумчане покритикуйте пожалуйста мой эссе тоже..

In some countries, the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them ?

In is true that in some countries health degradation caused by obesity and sedentary lifestyle has mounting concern (has become an issue may be) . Number of reasons ARE identified to be a major cause for the growth in this trend. It is obvious that immediate action has be taken to address these issues. (THESIS ??? WHERE IS IT AND OUTLINE ??? )

First, inactive lifestyles ( Life stylesssss -() lead by many people considered (to be not as MAY BE) as one of the reasons for the fall in the levels of physical fitness among the population of certain countries. (Why example it should in the end of paragrapsh - where DISCUSSION) For example, people nowadays spend a lot of time in the offices and their leisure time is limited by watching TV and surfing in the Internet. (MAY BE IN ADDITION WOULD BE BETTER OR MOREOVER) On the other hand, growing number(S) of fast food consumption and rising addiction (???? vaabshe ne ponyal) of population is (ARE Looke .. and .. = PLURAL) triggering the rise in the number of over -weight people who are susceptible to the illnesses such as diabetics and high blood pressure. WHERE IS THE CONCLUSION SENTENCE IN PARAGRAPH???


It is evident that urgent actions should be taken to combat these (WHICH?? You start topic sentence) unhealthy social behaviors (SSS MAy be behaviour) . As an (BAD START OF SENTENCE - S V O structure please) efficient solution for the issue of declined fitness levels, introducing fitness and gym facilities in work places could be possible way out. Furthermore, to cut the number of growing over-weight population, governments should run campaigns in TV and in radio warning about the consequences of unhealthy diet. In addition, courses in healthy diet could be included in school curriculums to create awareness from early age. WHERE IS THE CONCLUSION

In conclusion, to reduce (BAD START OF SENTENCE - S V O structure please) the levels of degradation caused by inactive lifestyle and overconsumption of junk food, governments and employees have to take measures such as creating awareness by running campaigns and providing opportunity for employees to use fitness facilities in work places SMALL CONCLUSION!!! .

НУ как мог! так и подправил!
ДА И ЕЩЁ СИННОНИМЫ МНОГО РАЙС И НАМБЕРС!!
СИНОНИМЫ!!!

[FAR19812]

Друзья пожалуйстп покритикуйте этот эссей !!!

Today more people travelling than ever before.
Why is this the case ?
What are the benefits of travelling for the traveller ?

Today, citizens of all countries make a lot more journeys than it was in the past. There are many reasons that make people tour out of their home destinations. Although, travelling involves some financial costs, there are number of ways in which tourists can gain value from it. This assay will analyse both the reasons for the upsurge in travel and the benefits of it to the travellers.

First, many tourism destinations became safe and easy to access for travellers. For example, many countries nowadays have proper security control in their major touristic sites. People do not need to worry about their personal security and the safety of their belongings. Furthermore, in order to attract foreign guests many countries have visa free entry conditions where one can stay up to three month without getting a special permition. Consequently, security and friendly access regulations have led to the upsurge in the number of trips made in the world.

Despite, travelling involves some financial expenditures, there are a number of ways people can gain from it. It is unarguable that the process of traveling helps to broaden the horizons of knowledge of the person. For instance, being in foreign country, visitors have an opportunity to learn about indigenous culture and traditions. Another thing to mention is, there is a considerable growth observed recently in number of people who travel abroad searching for medical services. Recent studies show that the great numbers of people who travel seeking medical treatment are more concerned in the quality of those services rather than in the price. So, people travel not only to expand their knowledge but also to use medical services offered by host countries.

In conclusion, examining above stated examples, one can drive conclusion that security and easy entrance conditions that exist in many countries are considered to be among the main contributors to the growth of number of travellers. It has also become evident that in spite of the costs that arise from travel, tourists can enjoy benefits such as gaining knowledge and recovering health.

Силк Роад - честно говоря смотрел ваше ессе минут 5 !
Ну даже грамматических ошибок не увидел.
Вы его сами писали или как.
Ну даже претензий не к чему предьявить --((.
Может быть Гуру наши Вадерлей и Мирабель что то и найдут!

[FAR19812]

Друзья пожалуйстп покритикуйте этот эссей !!!

Today more people travelling than ever before.
Why is this the case ?
What are the benefits of travelling for the traveller ?

Today, citizens of all countries make a lot more journeys than it was in the past. There are many reasons that make people tour out of their home destinations. Although, travelling involves some financial costs, there are number of ways in which tourists can gain value from it. This assay will analyse both the reasons for the upsurge in travel and the benefits of it to the travellers.

First, many tourism destinations became safe and easy to access for travellers. For example, many countries nowadays have proper security control in their major touristic sites. People do not need to worry about their personal security and the safety of their belongings. Furthermore, in order to attract foreign guests many countries have visa free entry conditions where one can stay up to three month without getting a special permition. Consequently, security and friendly access regulations have led to the upsurge in the number of trips made in the world.

Despite, travelling involves some financial expenditures, there are a number of ways people can gain from it. It is unarguable that the process of traveling helps to broaden the horizons of knowledge of the person. For instance, being in foreign country, visitors have an opportunity to learn about indigenous culture and traditions. Another thing to mention is, there is a considerable growth observed recently in number of people who travel abroad searching for medical services. Recent studies show that the great numbers of people who travel seeking medical treatment are more concerned in the quality of those services rather than in the price. So, people travel not only to expand their knowledge but also to use medical services offered by host countries.

In conclusion, examining above stated examples, one can drive conclusion that security and easy entrance conditions that exist in many countries are considered to be among the main contributors to the growth of number of travellers. It has also become evident that in spite of the costs that arise from travel, tourists can enjoy benefits such as gaining knowledge and recovering health.

Силк Роад - честно говоря смотрел ваше ессе минут 5 !
Ну даже грамматических ошибок не увидел.
Вы его сами писали или как.
Ну даже претензий не к чему предьявить --((.
Может быть Гуру наши Вандерлей и Мирабель что то и найдут!

[Vinodel]

Силк Роад - честно говоря смотрел ваше ессе минут 5 !
Ну даже грамматических ошибок не увидел.
Вы его сами писали или как.
Ну даже претензий не к чему предьявить --((.
Может быть Гуру наши Вандерлей и Мирабель что то и найдут!

Забыли еще Maimiti Isabella, она тоже в авторитете

[Remboo]

The flow charts provide information about the amount of money that was raised via exportation of goods and cost of food, fuel, and manufactured merchandise from 2000 to 2005.

As shown in the graph, the value of exported goods represents bottom line in 2002. The amount of assets which was raised three years later was twice as much as the previous rate. From 2000 to 2002 there was a gradual decrease of means gained from export. In 2003, however, the profit saw a sharp turnabout leaping from 250.000 to 350.000 million dollars. During the last two years, this trend rose upwards and peaked up to slightly more than 400.000 million dollars by 2005.

Although the demand on fuel was extremely high in 2000, the period between 2001 and 2005 saw a steady decline of income. The sales of manufactured goods were enhanced significantly and constituted about 22.000 million dollars in 2001. There was a period of stability the next year. Regardless of the sudden fall, degree of profit remained stable by 2005. The export of food demonstrated fairly permanent figures despite negligible alterations.

Generally speaking, there were insignificant differences of revenue between fuel and manufactured merchandise by 2005, however, it was a huge discrepancy five years before.

[Remboo]

Тема: The graph below shows the total value of exports and the value of fuel, food and manufactured goods exported by one country from 2000 to 2005.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

[FAR19812]

Забыли еще Maimiti Isabella, она тоже в авторитете

Извините!
Как говорится
Маимити Мирабель и Вандерлей.
Героев как говорится надо знать в лицо!!!
Их развёрнутые комментарии читать одно удовольствие!!!!

[Maimiti_Isabella]

The flow charts provide information about the amount of money that was raised via exportation of goods and cost of food, fuel, and manufactured merchandise from 2000 to 2005.

As shown in the graph, the value of exported goods represents bottom line in 2002. The amount of assets which was raised three years later was twice as much as the previous rate. From 2000 to 2002 there was a gradual decrease of means gained from export. In 2003, however, the profit saw a sharp turnabout leaping from 250.000 to 350.000 million dollars. During the last two years, this trend rose upwards and peaked up to slightly more than 400.000 million dollars by 2005.

Although the demand on fuel was extremely high in 2000, the period between 2001 and 2005 saw a steady decline of income. The sales of manufactured goods were enhanced significantly and constituted about 22.000 million dollars in 2001. There was a period of stability the next year. Regardless of the sudden fall, degree of profit remained stable by 2005. The export of food demonstrated fairly permanent figures despite negligible alterations.

Generally speaking, there were insignificant differences of revenue between fuel and manufactured merchandise by 2005, however, it was a huge discrepancy five years before.

Давайте сюда эту graph или эти flow charts: невозможно проверять, если не знаешь о чем идет речь.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Забыли еще Maimiti Isabella, она тоже в авторитете

К счастью, не у всех

[FAR19812]

К счастью, не у всех

У всех быть и не реально.
Спасибо вам за Иссе.
Кстати мой преподаватель райтинга с 20 летним стажем
- Использует их как Икону.!!!
Не забывайте что вы нужны на форуме!