My essay, проверьте, покритикуйте! Спасибо!

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Tests and examinations are a central feature of school systems in many countries..

Общее впечатление - 7 (7.5 тоже возможна но немного не дотягивает)
Из бросающихся в глаза проблем:
1. артикли
2. какое-то непонятное сочетание действительно хорошего английского с английским слишком примитивным для данного уровня, а иногда и непонятным.
3. Несколько весьма неудовлетворительных запятых.

Примеры:

The other (почему the: их всего только два? Но вроде об этом нигде больше не упоминается) , equally important aspect is, (запятая настолько здесь неправильная, что я раза 3 перечитала предложение прежде чем поняла о чем идет речь) that all tests have been compiled by professional tutors (tutors? Что подразумевается - репетиторы?) and this in turn means that the questions do cover all the topics of the current subject (О чем речь?) .

In conclusion, testing system provides the schoolchildren with impartial assessment of their knowledge in a particular domain. The (which ones?) techniques (what do you mean by 'techniques'?) are not perfect yet, but I am convinced (you are using some quite formal vocab. So 'I am convinced' looks totally out of place here. -> it appears) that the approach that will help to make exams less stressful will be found soon.

- the conclusion doesn't seem to be fully developed. You need to add another sentence to link it to the essay topic.

[Remboo]

Общее впечатление - 7 (7.5 тоже возможна но немного не дотягивает)
Из бросающихся в глаза проблем:
1. артикли
2. какое-то непонятное сочетание действительно хорошего английского с английским слишком примитивным для данного уровня, а иногда и непонятным.
3. Несколько весьма неудовлетворительных запятых.

Со всем согласен. Всё расставили по полочкам. Пара вопросов:
1. Под "Professional tutors" - я хотел сказать профессиональные педагоги, учителя. Может быть, просто professionals?

2. and this in turn means that the questions do cover all the topics of the current subject - здесь согласен, не то написал. Может, лучше так:
and this in turn means that the questions do cover all the topics of the subject thoroughly

3. techniques (methods) - я хотел сказать, методы. Тестирование как метод проверки знаний студента.
The techniques - тема же была про тестирование, думал, что об этом упоминаю не в первый раз
С артиклями не то, чтобы беда, просто я стараюсь себя страховать и писать их там, где возникают сомнения, нужен ли артикль, и какой.
Огромное спасибо, Ваши комментарии мне очень помогают!

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Со всем согласен. Всё расставили по полочкам. Пара вопросов:
1. Под "Professional tutors" - я хотел сказать профессиональные педагоги, учителя. Может быть, просто professionals?

Education professionals and other academic staff - how about this option?

2. and this in turn means that the questions do cover all the topics of the current subject - здесь согласен, не то написал. Может, лучше так:
and this in turn means that the questions do cover all the topics of the subject thoroughly

First of all don't use 'do' here as it is not appropriate and there's no need to stress anything. Cover the curriculum or, probably even better, reflect the curriculum?

3. techniques (methods) - я хотел сказать, методы. Тестирование как метод проверки знаний студента.
The techniques - тема же была про тестирование, думал, что об этом упоминаю не в первый раз

methods, ways, means, approaches - you'll just need to find the best option for the context.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

The twenty first century brings a gradual shift away from traditional socio-cultural principles to those of modernized biases with contemporary ideologies and modes of life. The rapidly changing milieu forces people especially these preparing for stepping into the adult world to conform to changing circumstances usually being endowed with exceeded individual freedom.

Во первых, мы понятия не имеет, что проверять, так как вы 'забыли' написать задание
Во-вторых, даже ваш первый абзац напоминает скорее не совсем удачный результат работы google translate. Во всяком случае, с точки зрения английского языка это просто набор слов.

Sorry.

[Remboo]

Education professionals and other academic staff - how about this option?

First of all don't use 'do' here as it is not appropriate and there's no need to stress anything. Cover the curriculum or, probably even better, reflect the curriculum?
methods, ways, means, approaches - you'll just need to find the best option for the context.

Большое спасибо!!! Во всем Вы правы

[ManunyaMunya]

Здравствуйте. Снова прошу проверить и покритиковать мое эссе. Написала за 44 минуты. Раньше использовала при написании заготовки, в это раз не пользовалась ими вообще. Вот что получилось:

In the last 20 years, the assessment of students has undergone major transformation. Many educational institutions no longer use formal examinations as a means of assessment as they believe formal examination results are an unfair indication of a student’s ability. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Over the recent years the system of evaluation students’ knowledge has changed significantly. For instance, traditional approach of examining students is not the only way to assess the qualification and not very distributed these days. Instead of that method alternative means of assessment have being acquired vogue in the contemporary educational community. However, there is still a huge amount of teachers and other staff in the sphere of education who gravitate toward the formal tests and examinations. But I completely convinced that using transformed system for evaluation acquired knowledge would benefit students greatly due to the fact that their final results would not be affected by a number of negative obstacles.

First of all, under the formal examination conditions not every candidate is capable to perform successfully. Such consequence is caused by influence of stress and time or other types of pressure on a human being ability to demonstrate skills adequately. Moreover, one could get a question which is not from the sphere of his greater competence.

Secondly, traditional examinations do not give students opportunity to express their giftedness. No doubt, that widespread tests are constructed in a way that does not allow to express one’s creativity and non-standard attitude toward a particular issue. In addition, the state of health and mood could affect the outcomes of the held testing.

To recapitulate, it is obvious that previous system of assessing of students had to have been changed considerably in order to be valuable and useful in the modern changed world. It is clear that modified approaches to evaluate the level of education are likely to eliminate factors causing not satisfying performance. Consequently, new means of assessment ensure more fair and clear indication of level of intelligence and qualification of a person being tested.


В заключении оч интересует, правильно ли написана выделенная фраза или лучше had to be changed? Спасибо

[Nernloolmerve]

Full Kim Kardashian Sex Tape: Part Two

Way back in 2003, before she was famous, she was just another girl on the party scene in LA, and best friends with Paris Hilton. She was dating a rapper named Ray J at the time and the two headed off for Mexico and filmed what would become one of the most downloaded videos the internet has ever seen… Dubbed Kim K Superstar, the 39 minute DVD was released in 2007 after Porn purveyor Vivid bought the rights and settled with Kardashian for $5 million dollars and immediately began selling the footage. The DVD sold over 1 million copies. Now, in a new twist, Vivid has released all of their Kim K sex tape footage... and it's even more uncensored and longer than we imagined. Dubbed "Kim K Superstar, Part 2" the full online version is over 1 hour 40 minutes long.

[FAR19812]

Здравствуйте. Снова прошу проверить и покритиковать мое эссе. Написала за 44 минуты. Раньше использовала при написании заготовки, в это раз не пользовалась ими вообще. Вот что получилось:

In the last 20 years, the assessment of students has undergone major transformation. Many educational institutions no longer use formal examinations as a means of assessment as they believe formal examination results are an unfair indication of a student’s ability.


В заключении оч интересует, правильно ли написана выделенная фраза или лучше had to be changed? Спасибо

Пожалуйста дайте задание полностью.
такое ощущение что 3 4 предложения не дописали в задании.
--
По концовке по моему Have (has ) to be changed лучше!

[AMD]

Human beings do not need to eat meat in order to maintain good health because they can get all their food needs from meatless products and meatless substances. A vegetarian diet is as healthy as a diet containing meat. Argue for or against the opinion above."

Nowadays, the issue of healthy diets for people is widely being discussed in modern society. Many people keep the idea that vegetarian diet is very useful and humans can replace meat products with vegetables, fruits and nuts. But others think that meat is necessary for people’s health and well-being.
Let me illustrate this controversial matter with some facts.

One argument in support of vegetarian diet is that meat contents big amount of cholesterin. It is well known that higher content of cholesterin in the blood of people influences negatively on cardiovascular system, increases blood pressure and develop other diseases. Therefore many modern vegetarians do not eat meat products not only for the humanitarian reasons but also for the benefits to their health. According to the latest researches vegetarian people suffer less from diabetes, hypertension and they have less chance of stones appearance in kidneys.

Another good thing for vegetarian diet that fruits and vetables are rich with different vitamins and minerals content which help to raise immunity and to decrease the risk of cancer diseases. Besides, vegetable food contains special ferments which improve the work of gastrointestinal tract and even decrease the process of aging. Scientists have approved that vegetarian oil not only have any cholesterin but also contribute to discharge it from the people’s organisms. What is more, different sorts of nuts are rich with poly-vitamins and have high level of proteins as well. Thus, vegetarians who experience the lack of proteins rely on nuts.

On the other hand, refusing meat vegetarians take the risk to become of iron-deficient victims because iron is digested better with products of animal origin. Besides, excluding fish from the ration persons forfeit the source of good digestible protein, calcium and vitamins which play a very important role in the prevention of dangerous diseases.

In conclusion I would like to stress that meat products are not vital necessity for people in order to manage good health. There are a lot of products which content useful substances and can be used instead of meat. I believe that switching to an animal free diet is a personal option, but the question remains whether one can ensure in this case sufficient intake of nutrition, which is necessary for one’s health.

Скажу сразу потрачено на сочинение было больше часа. Пока время мой основной враг. Ну и увы использовал несколько слов со словаря особенно медицинские термены. Лучше конечно от них избавиться но пока выкладываю как есть. Так что жду Ваши замечания

[Dremlin]

Some people think that universities should provide graduates with the knowledge and skills needed in the workplace. Others think that the true function of a university should be to give access to knowledge for its own sake, regardless of whether the course is useful to an employer.

Today many adult people argue what are the main targets of universities. Some of them think that students should get knowledge and skill fully in an university while others have opinion that graduates should have ability to gain knowledge independently not relying on teachers. This is an interesting issue many parents and their young children face with when choose an institute of higher education or college. In this essay I will discuss both points and give my opinion in the end.

Most people figure out that 4-5 years education is the preliminary level for young people in their future adult life. That is why the choice of the university is very important step for them. Modern educational systems can not provide with all necessary knowledge and skills to graduates. Teachers involved into educational processes in universities should give knowledge to young people as much as they can.

On the one hand teachers are limited in time of their lectures and practice lessons and they can not dedicate much time for students study. On the other hand they can give the direction where to move them. Such examples could be advices, useful books and articles. Thus tutors could prepare undergraduates to be independent. In such approach young people will get to use to find new knowledge, be independent and will be ready to work after study.

In conclusion, I want to say that the educational system is an intricate mechanism which many teachers, students and other government people are involved in. In my opinion, undergraduates should be prepared for their future adult life and job. Specialties of students must be suitable for employers. Young people must be ready to obtain new information, analyze it, get new knowledge and experience. All these things they should get in university due to professional teachers, lecturers, professors and tutors.

[Vanderley]

Some people think that universities should provide graduates with the knowledge and skills needed in the workplace. Others think that the true function of a university should be to give access to knowledge for its own sake, regardless of whether the course is useful to an employer.

Today many adult people argue what are the main targets of universities. Some of them think that students should get knowledge and skill fully in an university while others have opinion that graduates should have ability to gain knowledge independently not relying on teachers. This is an interesting issue many parents and their young children face with when choose an institute of higher education or college. In this essay I will discuss both points and give my opinion in the end.

Most people figure out that 4-5 years education is the preliminary level for young people in their future adult life. That is why the choice of the university is very important step for them. Modern educational systems can not provide with all necessary knowledge and skills to graduates. Teachers involved into educational processes in universities should give knowledge to young people as much as they can.

On the one hand teachers are limited in time of their lectures and practice lessons and they can not dedicate much time for students study. On the other hand they can give the direction where to move them. Such examples could be advices, useful books and articles. Thus tutors could prepare undergraduates to be independent. In such approach young people will get to use to find new knowledge, be independent and will be ready to work after study.

In conclusion, I want to say that the educational system is an intricate mechanism which many teachers, students and other government people are involved in. In my opinion, undergraduates should be prepared for their future adult life and job. Specialties of students must be suitable for employers. Young people must be ready to obtain new information, analyze it, get new knowledge and experience. All these things they should get in university due to professional teachers, lecturers, professors and tutors.

У вас проблемы с task achievement. Вас просят написать про общие знания vs работодатель-спицефик знания. Самая большая ошибка, которую вы делаете, находится во вступлении, где вы формулируете тезис как получать знания в универе vs получать знания самому. Дальше, в боди параграфах начинается вообще непонятно что. Фокус с университета смещается почему-то на учителей, о которых Вас не спрашивали. В заключении тема эссе немного упоминается, но лишь мельком и не аргументировано.

Мувин фёзе. Связность. Тоже очень плохо. За ходом Ваших мыслей следить у меня не получается, частично из-за того, что непонятно на какой вопрос вы отвечаете, частично из-за нехватки линкеров и неудачного их использования (например два онзеазехенда подряд), частично из-за того, что неудачно строятся параграфы.

Вокабуляр. Вот Вам несколько ляпов в элементарных вещах:

• figure out - во-первых это слово значит "разрулить" и тут не подходит. Во-вторых это фрэйзал верб, а их желательно избегать в эссе.
• practice lessons - нету у них никаких прэктис лессонс
• they can give the direction where to move them - ту мув зем переводиться как двигать их, кого/что тут кому надо двигать?
• tutors - репититоры. к универу они отшения не имеют.
• will get to use to find - ????
• advices - uncountable, причем наверное одно из первых про которое в школе рассказывают. Хотя это больше конечно к граматике относится.

Ну и в принципе всё написано рунглишем (заранее извиняюсь перед Михаилом Кузнецовым, у которого личная неприязнь к этому слову). Что мне особо не понравилось так это то, что вы перепичкиваете Ваше эссе ненужными прилагительными, из-за чего эссе привращается из конфеты в пережеванную жевачку и у тому же часто превращает нормальное предложение в глупость, например:

• This is an interesting issue many parents and their young children face with when choose an institute of higher education or college. - маленькие дети выбирают институт? Правда? Тут ещё один вопрос. Где у вас подлежащее в зависимом предложении?

Из оставшегося могу выделить то, что вы не знаете английской пунктуации и разници между британским и американским английским.

[MaximB]

Всем привет
прошу помощи в ассесменте писанины, спасибо

Task: The growth in international travel means that misunderstanding between countries will inevitable decrease. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

It is common today, that people use to travel abroad very often. Travelling has been seen widely in the EU, between the countries of the Union, and also amid other countries of the world. It is believed, that foreign travelling improves understanding between some countries. This will be shown by taking in to account such statements as friendship within the nations and the development of business between group of countries .

To start with, international travelling often causes close relations among people of all the sides. For instance, moving from one place to other leads to spread family members through the earth, or for some people to set new friends in other locations. So people across different countries are getting connections with each other. From this, it can be concluded, that friendship is going to be one of the major drivers why the governments have to get on well.

Secondly, most of the international trips are business related. Any business has no boundaries and wherever business partner is located, it should run. It is obvious, that it the company is interested in its growth, it will need a proper managing, that in some cases requires personal communication. The authorities of all levels are interested in improving their area, so good hood among them must be established.

At the end of the day, business and relationship are ones of the major reasons of travelling through different countries. In the meantime, this causes reduction of misbehavior between countries. I expect, that the examples are undoubtedly going to improve understanding in all the countries over the world.

[Vanderley]

Перечитав эссе ещё раз мне захотелось вас добить Может для Вас будет полезно обратить внимание на следующее:

• Today many adult people argue what are the main targets of universities. - what the main targets of universities are. Это не вопрос.
• graduates should have ability to gain knowledge - opportunity. Ability - это когда вы в состоянии что-то сделать.
• Modern educational systems can not provide with all necessary knowledge and skills to graduates. - Provide smth or provide smbd with smth.
• specialty - посмотрите значения слова. Вроде как американцы употребляют его в нужном Вам смысле, но я сколько не смотрел их кино никогда его в таком смысле не слышал, а вот про еду сколько угодно.

[Dremlin]

У вас проблемы с task achievement. Вас просят написать про общие знания vs работодатель-спицефик знания. Самая большая ошибка, которую вы делаете, находится во вступлении, где вы формулируете тезис как получать знания в универе vs получать знания самому. Дальше, в боди параграфах начинается вообще непонятно что. Фокус с университета смещается почему-то на учителей, о которых Вас не спрашивали. В заключении тема эссе немного упоминается, но лишь мельком и не аргументировано.

Собственно проблемы возникли из-за того, что я неправильно понял топик...

Вокабуляр. Вот Вам несколько ляпов в элементарных вещах:

• figure out - во-первых это слово значит "разрулить" и тут не подходит. Во-вторых это фрэйзал верб, а их желательно избегать в эссе.
  

• figure out имеет значение - понимать, постигать. синоним understand.
  
  

• practice lessons - нету у них никаких прэктис лессонс