My essay, проверьте, покритикуйте! Спасибо!

[Polina_K]

Ок.
А как сейчас письмо?

См. полужирный шрифт - замена того, что убрано в скобки
В письме логично использовать сокращённые формы can't, don't


Dear Simon,
I am so sorry (for not writing to you) that I haven't written for so long. I was very busy (due to my movement from an old house to another one) because of our relocation to another house. (Fortunately, I eventually have found enough time to write you this letter). Now I am done with unpacking things and can finally write you a few words.
I would like to say to you that I am so happy that (I and my family) my family and I have changed our location. (This became to be) It turned possible (due to the fact that I had been offered a new job) because I got a new job in Astana. When I got the proposal (I and my wife April) my wife and I (were not so confident) felt worried about our new accommodation because we were going to an unknown city where we did not have any relatives or friends. But now I am very satisfied because we bought a wonderful house and it is bigger than the previous one. It consists of a garage for our two cars, a hall, two living rooms, one master bed room a kid’s room and a small back garden (сад - часть дома? странно начинать с гаража). (Thus, our children will have separate rooms; therefore, Billy and Maggie have their own private space in the house). Our children are thrilled to have separate bedrooms and enjoy their private space. (Can you believe it how we were surprised )You can only imagine how surprised we were to see a (big size) huge kitchen that (was liked by my wife April) my wife liked at once.
So we have just finished decorating works inside of the house and now we can invite guests to stay over. (I and April) April and I can not wait to invite you to Astana. As far as I remember, you (have been looking forward) always wanted to visit this city.
(We are looking forward to seeing) Hope to see you soon in our new house.

Best wishes,
Andrew and April

[Dremlin]

Polina_K, Maimiti_Isabella thanks a lot! Very valuable for me.

На счет contraction только что прочитал..

[will.i.am]

См. полужирный шрифт - замена того, что убрано в скобки
В письме логично использовать сокращённые формы can't, don't

В неформальном письме/informal letter, а то вдруг и в formal/semi-formal тоже будет делать сокращения.

Подскажите такую вещь, уж не знаю мелочь это или нет, но по мне так лучше знать чем наоборот.



Можно ли писать в строке указанной стрелкой? А то мне постоянно именно одной строки не хватает для TASK 1.

[will.i.am]

The increase in mobile phone use in recent years has transformed the way we live, communicate and do business. Mobile phones can also be the cause of social or medical problems. What forms do these problem take?

Do you think the advantages outweigh disadvantages of mobile phones?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

There is no doubt that using of mobile phones has radically changed people's lifestyle and the they communicate with each other and carry on the affairs. However, not surprisingly, handset usage brings many benefits for humans in terms of constant availability for relatives and friends as well as problems related to the negative influence on people's health and increased number of car accidents. It is my belief that mobile phones usage is more advantageous, and I shall examine these questions below by considering the obvious benefits and downsides of this issue.

To begin with, use of mobile phones has three main benefits. Firstly, nowadays when people spend less time with their family, staying in touch with friends and relatives is very important. For instance, being unable to spend much time with my parents, siblings and friends I use the handset to call or just send a message while I am far from the hometown. Furthermore, mobile devices allow parents to be aware of any information that is related to their children such as school performance and especially their location that is extremely valuable for every parent. Thirdly, due to mobility of modern phones it is quite impossible to overestimate their meaning in terms of doing business. Today, such affairs like contracts, transactions and even video conferences are becoming available via the cellular connection which in its turn makes the carrying on the business notably more comfortable.

However, there are some considerable disadvantages as well. The main one is when someone overuses the mobile phone while driving a car the control over the road becomes lost which leads to car accidents with pedestrian and passengers being seriously suffered or even died. Once I was a witness of such a tragedy where two pedestrians died because of the driver who was talking by the phone at the moment of the accident. Adding to this, an excessive usage of handsets rise the vulnerability to cellular radioactivity that is often causes the problems of ear cancer. Another downside is the high cost of latter-day cellular devices which become the point of envy and crime among the poor people.

In conclusion, despite the problems mentioned above, the usage of mobile phones, as far as I am concerned, provides an irreplaceable and unlimited opportunities for humans. I firmly believe, that handsets make the way we live, associate and work much better.

[Krassofka]

Добрый вечер! Прошу Вас посмотреть эссе. Старалась учесть данные мне советы, и интересно было бы узнать, получилось ли. Спасибо всем огромное. Еще раз напишу требуемый балл: 6.0 (через полгода).


People in the past used to be more dependent on one another, whereas nowadays they lead a more independent life. Do you agree or disagree?

There is no doubt that people are social creatures. Like ants, individuals try to build their community, where each person performs certain duties and is responsible for other society members. However, it is said that more and more people are starting to live without any contacts with their family, neighbors and friends. That is why some people advocate the view that the level of independence is increasing when others do not see any upward trends.

Firstly, what is about Russia, in our days there is no national idea which is capable to unit people and make them act more solidary. Everyone remembers an example of the Soviet Union when people had one target to achieve and the society resembled a giant organism. Community interests were above individual ones and as a result people depended on one another. Moreover, social institute of family is in decline. In attempts to emphasize their social freedom, humans try to satisfy their own needs and tend to marry only after that. Earning money, traveling and self-realization are in dominating positions. In addition, according to the statistics, around 60 per cent of all marriages end up with divorces while this number was half as much two decades ago.

On the other hand, there are many things that have not changed after years. As before people depend on their society and wait for social esteem, approvement and support. What is more, new ways of social interacting are developing. Such websites like Facebook and Twitter are increasing their popularity and spreading everywhere. People still need to live in society and create new social nets.

To sum up the foregoing, I personally agree with the fact that humans are much more independent now than ever before. At the same time people cannot live without society and form new types of social behavior and interacting with help of the Internet.

[Polina_K]

The increase in mobile phone use in recent years has transformed the way we live, communicate and do business. Mobile phones can also be the cause of social or medical problems. What forms do these problem take?

will.i.am, мне нравится структура, а также, что вы упомянули и medical, и social problems


пару моментов

1) carry on - продолжать, carry out - выполнять

я б вообще предпочла "perform their functions"

2) has changed the way they communicate

3) availability to

4) вы часто забываете артикль the перед of phrase (the number of car accidents, the use of mobile phones)

5) such affairs as

6) passengers being seriously hurt

7) provides unlimited opportunities (надо без артикля)

8 ) второе предложение третьего абзаца, которое начинается с The main one... - плохо согласовано, т.е. "...the control over the road becomes lost" - никак не связано с предыдущей частью

9) witness to

[Polina_K]

Добрый вечер! Прошу Вас посмотреть эссе. Старалась учесть данные мне советы, и интересно было бы узнать, получилось ли. Спасибо всем огромное. Еще раз напишу требуемый балл: 6.0 (через полгода).


People in the past used to be more dependent on one another, whereas nowadays they lead a more independent life. Do you agree or disagree?

There is no doubt that people are social creatures. Like ants, individuals try to build their community, where each person performs certain duties and is responsible for other society members. However, it is said that more and more people are starting to live without any contacts with their family, neighbors and friends. That is why some people advocate the view that the level of independence is increasing when others do not see any upward trends.

Firstly, what is about Russia, in our days there is no national idea which is capable to unit people and make them act more solidary. Everyone remembers an example of the Soviet Union when people had one target to achieve and the society resembled a giant organism. Community interests were above individual ones and as a result people depended on one another. Moreover, social institute of family is in decline. In attempts to emphasize their social freedom, humans try to satisfy their own needs and tend to marry only after that. Earning money, traveling and self-realization are in dominating positions. In addition, according to the statistics, around 60 per cent of all marriages end up with divorces while this number was half as much two decades ago.

On the other hand, there are many things that have not changed after years. As before people depend on their society and wait for social esteem, approvement and support. What is more, new ways of social interacting are developing. Such websites like Facebook and Twitter are increasing their popularity and spreading everywhere. People still need to live in society and create new social nets.

To sum up the foregoing, I personally agree with the fact that humans are much more independent now than ever before. At the same time people cannot live without society and form new types of social behavior and interacting with help of the Internet.

Krassofka, не очень с topic sentences и связностью.

Например, обратите внимание на связность в кусочке: "Community interests were above individual ones and as a result people depended on one another. Moreover, social institute of family is in decline. "

или

"As before people depend on their society and wait for social esteem, approvement and support. What is more, new ways of social interacting are developing."

Topic sentence должен быть основной идеей абзаца, взятой из темы сочинения. После него идут аргументы и примеры.

Я бы порекомендовала ещё за оставшиеся полгода поработать над лексикой, например, выписывать интересные словосочетания из новостей и выучивать. Также хорошо составить свою табличку коннекторов (можно выписать из учебников с примерами эссэ). По грамматике повторить по учебникам темы на синтаксис.

[will.i.am]

From Cambridge Practice Tests For IELTS 2

You borrowed some books from your school or college library. Unfortunately you have to go away to visit a sick relative and cannot return the books in time.

Write a letter to the library. Explain what has happened and tell them what you want to do about it.

You should write at least 150 words.

You do NOT need to write your own address.

Begin your letter as follows:

Dear ...............,

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to you to apologize about keeping the books that I borrowed from the college library and was supposed to return it today but unable to do it.

I find myself in a quite unpleasant situation though it has it's reason. Today's morning I got a telegram from my grandmother who lives in a small town within 300 km from here. In her telegram she informed me that recently she got cold which, unfortunately, transformed into serious illness. Due to fact that she lives alone and has nobody who could take care about her I have no choice except visiting her by myself. By this reason I cannot return your books today.

Taking into consideration the reasonable excuse I provided before, I would like to ask you to postpone the day of returning the books. In addition to this, I hope I shall not be charged with the fine for delay and my library privileges will not be provoked. In my turn I promise to give the books back the very day I get back to home.

Faithfully yours,

Andrey Karmanov

[katero]

Graduate нужно использовать с предлогом from, когда он означает "окончить" учебное заведение. Graduate без предлога имеет значение "выпустить" ученика:
Students graduate from universities.
Universities graduate students.

Это распространенная ошибка даже у тех, для кого английский – родной, как я понял. Я об этой ошибке узнал из подкастов Grammar Girl, которые она читает для нейтив спикеров, разбирая распространенные грамматические и лингвистические ошибки в речи (Am E).
Подкасты бесплатные, кстати. Кому интересно, можете в iTunes подписаться.

спасибо

[Krassofka]

Polina_K, огромное спасибо за разбор полетов и за советы!
очень важно для меня! Спасибо!

[Maimiti_Isabella]

From Cambridge Practice Tests For IELTS 2

You borrowed some books from your school or college library. Unfortunately you have to go away to visit a sick relative and cannot return the books in time.

Write a letter to the library. Explain what has happened and tell them what you want to do about it.

You should write at least 150 words.

You do NOT need to write your own address.

Begin your letter as follows:

Dear ...............,

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to you to apologize 1. about keeping the books that I borrowed from the college library and was supposed to return 2. it today but unable to do 3. it.

There are many mistakes, in fact too many, for a good mark. I'm sorry but this is what you need to work on - your level of English.

1. apologise for - any IELTS exam taker should be aware of this! This is a standard phrase and can be used in any letter of this kind.
2. what do you mean by 'it'? There's nothing to reference by it. If you mean the books, use 'they'.
3. what does it refer to? --> but was unable to do so.

So, as you see, there are 3 mistakes even in the very first sentence of the letter. I don't think there's a need to go any further as the mistakes you make are very very basic.

So, my advice would be to concentrate on improving your English.

[will.i.am]

Самому стыдно за такую ерунду.

There are many mistakes, in fact too many, for a good mark. I'm sorry but this is what you need to work on - your level of English.

1. apologise for - any IELTS exam taker should be aware of this! This is a standard phrase and can be used in any letter of this kind.
2. what do you mean by 'it'? There's nothing to reference by it. If you mean the books, use 'they'.
3. what does it refer to? --> but was unable to do so.

So, as you see, there are 3 mistakes even in the very first sentence of the letter. I don't think there's a need to go any further as the mistakes you make are very very basic.

So, my advice would be to concentrate on improving your English.

За исключением грамматических ошибок, все остальное включая то раскрыл ли я то что от меня требовалось а также C&C?

From Cambridge Practice Test For IELTS 8

In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing.

What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

Give reasons and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

The increasing popularity of fast food as well as modern sedentary lifestyle has been a growing cause for concern for some time. Such problems of junk food and lack of physical activities are causing serious issues in terms of obesity and deterioration of health and fitness. It is to be increasingly clear that measures need to be taken in order to address this issue.

To begin with, it is cause for concern that increased number of people with excessive weight is resulting in serious problems for humanity. It is clear that overweight issue is due to our modern lifestyle, which causes more and more people to eat junk food. This unhealthy nutrition leads to consumption of enormous amount of calories and fat, which contribute to global obesity. Another worrying trend is the decreasing level of people's health and fitness caused by the tremendous amount of time they spend on their workplaces. Therefore, as a result of this overworking in offices, individuals practically have no time for sport, which in turn has a detrimental effect on their overall physical condition.

Clearly, actions need to be taken to solve these problems. One thing that would improve the situation is if governments enforce mass media to advocate healthy nutrition. This would make people realize the negative influence of fast food and force them to pay more attention on healthy and less caloric nourishment. Unless more attention is given to the unhealthy food, this trend may not be reduced. Furthermore, the government should also stimulate people to do more sport providing free of charge sport facilities. Otherwise the problem of downward health and fitness will continue.

To sum up, it is clear that fast food and sedentary lifestyle will continue to cause many problems in our society. Therefore, the only way to improve this situation is for the government to step in and take action.

[will.i.am]

Your local newspaper wants to reward people who have contributed a lot to the community. Write a letter to the newspaper. In your letter:

• suggest someone who deserves the reward
• mention what they have done to help the community
• say what reward you would like to give this person

Write about 150 words. You do NOT need to write addresses.

Begin your letter as follows:

Dear ...............,

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to you regarding your will to award a person who has made a great contribution to the society.

In our town there is an orphanage that was founded in 1980 under the patronage of Ms Lampard. This woman, who is about 60, has made a lot for many homeless children as well as orphans and consequently I propose she is worthy to be nominated with your premium.

A couple of decades ago, when there was significant number of waifs on the streets of our town, Ms Lampard established a local orphanage and gathered all the kids who were forsaken by their parents. She invested all her fortune in this shelter where dozens of homeless boys and girls have found food and home. Moreover, she made her best so her fosterlings could get the same level of education as every ordinary child from prosperous family got. Therefore, her activity has brought a tremendous benefit for the abandoned youngsters and the community entirely.

Taking into consideration all that was mentioned above, I would like Ms Lampard to be awarded with medal. In addition, I would like you to write an article in your newspaper about her person and her orphanage.

Faithfully yours,

Michal Walker

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Самому стыдно за такую ерунду.


За исключением грамматических ошибок, все остальное включая то раскрыл ли я то что от меня требовалось а также C&C? .

Да.

[yamov]

3. what does it refer to? --> but was unable to do so.

а this/that в данном контексте ведь можно использовать?