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Добрый день!
И снова прошу посмотреть мое эссе, поскольку эта часть, как я и боялась, очень подвела меня на экзамене (получила всего 5.5, тогда как остальные 6.5+) , такое ощущение, что топчусь на месте - хочу услышать много конструктивной критики, видимо, делаю что-то совсем не так. Может быть, дело в шаблонах, их слишком видно? Но если начинаю выдумывать из головы, я не укладываюсь в 40 минут. Постаралась исправить spelling, ошибок было около 10, что, конечно, много - над этим работаю.
Тема уже была парой страниц ранее. Спасибо!!
In some countries, people are forced to retire when they reach a certain age.
What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
In our time the practice to make people retire once they reach a specific age has spread in many countries. Some people believe that mandatory retirement has negative aspects while others claim that leaving job after becoming unable has more benefits. Personally, I think that even old people should have a right to work if they wish.
The first thing that should be mentioned is that it is cruel to make retirement obligatory for old people. Sometimes they are in desperate need of work because old age benefits are rather low today and people try to work to make their ends meet. As a consequence of forcing people to retire, more and more pensioners are experiencing a fall in their standard of living.
Secondly, it is a well-known fact that people who work longer than others have higher life expectancy. According to the surveys, up to 70% of pensioners who work are healthier than those who left their workplaces. That happens due to the fact that elderly who continue working are more physically active and concentrated.
On the contrary, there are debates that retirement affects people's mental health in a positive way. Some people believe that elderly should have time for relaxing, traveling and thinking only about their own. However, other concerns may come instead of work. For instance, retired people are often considered to be unpaid nannies for their grandchildren or they are supposed to help with housework.
Taking into account all the aforementioned, I am inclined to believe that government should not force people to leave their work once they get old. I think that people should be free to make this decision by their own – whether they want to continue working or they wish to retire.
И снова прошу посмотреть мое эссе, поскольку эта часть, как я и боялась, очень подвела меня на экзамене (получила всего 5.5, тогда как остальные 6.5+) , такое ощущение, что топчусь на месте - хочу услышать много конструктивной критики, видимо, делаю что-то совсем не так. Может быть, дело в шаблонах, их слишком видно? Но если начинаю выдумывать из головы, я не укладываюсь в 40 минут. Постаралась исправить spelling, ошибок было около 10, что, конечно, много - над этим работаю.
Тема уже была парой страниц ранее. Спасибо!!
In some countries, people are forced to retire when they reach a certain age.
What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
In our time the practice to make people retire once they reach a specific age has spread in many countries. Some people believe that mandatory retirement has negative aspects while others claim that leaving job after becoming unable has more benefits. Personally, I think that even old people should have a right to work if they wish.
The first thing that should be mentioned is that it is cruel to make retirement obligatory for old people. Sometimes they are in desperate need of work because old age benefits are rather low today and people try to work to make their ends meet. As a consequence of forcing people to retire, more and more pensioners are experiencing a fall in their standard of living.
Secondly, it is a well-known fact that people who work longer than others have higher life expectancy. According to the surveys, up to 70% of pensioners who work are healthier than those who left their workplaces. That happens due to the fact that elderly who continue working are more physically active and concentrated.
On the contrary, there are debates that retirement affects people's mental health in a positive way. Some people believe that elderly should have time for relaxing, traveling and thinking only about their own. However, other concerns may come instead of work. For instance, retired people are often considered to be unpaid nannies for their grandchildren or they are supposed to help with housework.
Taking into account all the aforementioned, I am inclined to believe that government should not force people to leave their work once they get old. I think that people should be free to make this decision by their own – whether they want to continue working or they wish to retire.
Таким образом, дело в развитии языка, чтобы такое писалось легко и без надрыва 
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. Есть вещи, которые под правила как-то не укладываются, хотя по правилам здесь все ОК 
, etc
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