My essay, проверьте, покритикуйте! Спасибо!

[debugx]

Что с ним не так? Как должно быть и почему?

артикль the не нужен, потому что нет специфики. Артикль "a" тоже не нужен. Надо запомнить, что в "to be part of" артикль не нужен.

Неа. Regardless.

"regardless of race" - добавил в свой словарь на линголео

Угу. Вы ещё запятую в кондишнале пропустили. Какое правило про запятые в кондишналах?

Запятая в кондишеналах нужна, если часть с if идет в начале предложения.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

артикль the не нужен, потому что нет специфики. Артикль "a" тоже не нужен. Надо запомнить, что в "to be part of" артикль не нужен.

In most cases, both are correct (there could be differences in the usage, depending on the context):

To be part of
To be a part of

[debugx]

я так понимаю, в моем случае "smoking is part of human rights" тоже оба варианта допустимы: с неопределенным артиклем и без него?

[Maimiti_Isabella]

я так понимаю, в моем случае "smoking is part of human rights" тоже оба варианта допустимы: с неопределенным артиклем и без него?

Это очень странная фраза, и так просто никто не скажет. Какое отношение курение имеет к human rights?

[Vanderley]

Mzymta, я вас приглашаю пописать эссе вместе в параллельной теме, потому что у вас неправильное представление о том, что такое эссе и как его писать.

Смотрите:

1. В эссе вас просят написать о преимуществах и недостатках выплат пособий по уходу за ребёнком. Почему вы игнорируете половину вопроса? Не читаете задание видимо Если в эссе 2 вопроса и вы один полностью игнорируете, какой будет верхний порог оценки за TA?
2. В эссе написано один из родителей. Почему вы везде пишете про мать? Вы сужаете тему даже больше когда начитаете писать про кормящих матерей. А что некормящим не надо платить?
3. Часто пишете не по теме. Например, во второй части первого боди параграфа вы приводите примеры преимуществ выплаты пособий, а вот первые два предложения к преимуществам никакого отношения не имеют. В заключении ни слова ни про преимущества ни про недостатки. Только 2 шуда. Вас же не спрашивают про шуд? Написать то про шуд можно, но после того как ответили на вопром про то какие же плюсы и какие минусы.
4. Есть несвязности. Например, вы сначала говорите про 3 года ухода за ребенком, а потом до 1.5. Так сколько по вашему надо смотреть за ребёнком.

В общем с ляпами перебор Пойдёмте вместе писать короче.

[silver999]

I kindly ask you to check my essay.

Topic:

The best way to reduce the number of traffic accidents is to raise age limit for the younger drivers and to low age limit for the aged ones. Do you agree?

Since recently contemporary society is looking for the opportunity to reduce the number of traffic accidents, which happen especially a lot in modern megapolises, gathering huge traffic jams, which spoil everyday life of a citizen. Some people prefer to think that raising age limit for the younger drivers and lowing age limit for the aged ones could solve the situation or at least make it much easier. Others, however, hold the opinion that it won`t change the situation significantly.

It is hard to compete with a fact that driving age limit will lead to a decreased number of drivers and cars on the roads in a natural way. It is quite reasonable to wait reduce of traffic accidents number. Statistics shows that approximately 35% of all traffic accidents happened cause of driver`s carelessness. We must acknowledge the fact that reaction time decreases with the age and as result of it driving became a more difficult task for elder people.

On the other hand, enhancement of driving culture and quality training can help much better in traffic accident prevention. Depending on statistic, severe accidents happen after 3-4 years of experience, when a man forgets initial driving fear and traffic rules in addition. Therefore, I suppose traffic rules need to be revised every 3 years. I would like also to add that fine roads and readable signs could lead to traffic accidents decrease.

In my opinion, only complex of measures, mentioned above and safety-driving popularization can lead to reduce number of traffic accidents. Driving age limitation could give temporary results but it won`t help in a long time basis.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Topic
The best way to reduce the number of traffic accidents is to raise age limit for the younger drivers and to lowER age limit for the aged ones. Do you agree?
Since recently contemporary society is looking for the opportunity to reduce the number of traffic accidents, which happen especially a lot in modern megapolises, gathering huge traffic jams, which spoil everyday life of a citizen. Some people prefer to think that raising age limit for the younger drivers and lowing age limit for the aged ones could solve the situation or at least make it much easier. Others, however, hold the opinion that it won`t change the situation significantly.
It is hard to compete with a fact that driving age limit will lead to a decreased number of drivers and cars on the roads in a natural way. It is quite reasonable to wait reduce of traffic accidents number. Statistics shows that approximately 35% of all traffic accidents happened cause of driver`s carelessness. We must acknowledge the fact that reaction time decreases with the age and as result of it driving became a more difficult task for elder people.
On the other hand, enhancement of driving culture and quality training can help much better in traffic accident prevention. Depending on statistic, severe accidents happen after 3-4 years of experience, when a man forgets initial driving fear and traffic rules in addition. Therefore, I suppose traffic rules need to be revised every 3 years. I would like also to add that fine roads and readable signs could lead to traffic accidents decrease.
In my opinion, only complex of measures, mentioned above and safety-driving popularization can lead to reduce number of traffic accidents. Driving age limitation could give a temporary results but it won`t help in a long time basis.

У меня очень неоднозначное впечатление от вашего эссе. С одной стороны - элементарные ошибки и нестыковки, с другой - сложные структуры, номинализация и хороший словарный запас. Если еще к этому добавить никому ненужные клише, кот. вы используете, то складывается впечатление домашней заготовки.

В общем оценить сложно, но если говорить об 'as is', то мне кажется 6.5

А какой у вас target score?

[silver999]

My target is to get 6 at least, 7 would be great. This is my 5th try only in writing essay. Frankly speaking it is a hard task for me even in native language.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

My target is to get 6 at least, 7 would be great. This is my 5th try only in writing essay. Frankly speaking it is a hard task for me even in native language.

If you write like this, you have a pretty good chance to get a 6. 7 would be a problem. However, as this is your 5th attempt only, you might progress as far as your essay writing skills are concerned.

[silver999]

If you write like this, you have a pretty good chance to get a 6. 7 would be a problem. However, as this is your 5th attempt only, you might progress as far as your essay writing skills are concerned.

Thank you for your time. Would you be so kind to recommend me smth? Is essay structure ok? I didn`t understand what you meant by saying "klishe".

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Thank you for your time. Would you be so kind to recommend me smth?

Recommend what?

Is essay structure ok?

yep, in this particular essay the structure seems to be OK. There's a problem with coherence in one instance but overall nothing major.

I didn`t understand what you meant by saying "klishe".

cliche

(didn't - your apostrophe doesn't look right)

[silver999]

Recommend what?
Smth=something
yep, in this particular essay the structure seems to be OK. There's a problem with coherence in one instance but overall nothing major.

(didn't - your apostrophe isn't right)[/QUOTE]
As i didn`t know the word in english, so i wrote it in apostrophe, saving russian transcription.

Any way, i would like to write my essays right and need some advice.

[АнатолийI]

Recommend what?
Smth=something
yep, in this particular essay the structure seems to be OK. There's a problem with coherence in one instance but overall nothing major.

(didn't - your apostrophe isn't right)

As i didn`t know the word in english, so i wrote it in apostrophe, saving russian transcription.

Any way, i would like to write my essays right and need some advice.

[/QUOTE]

Do you write your esays in time frame or unlimited?

My target is to get 6 at least, 7 would be great. This is my 5th try only in writing essay. Frankly speaking it is a hard task for me even in native language.

Какой у Вас языковой бэкграунд, если не секрет?
спасибо

[Mzymta]

Please speak up your opinion about a structure of my essay . Thanks alot

Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of travelling by plane


Nowadays, planes become more and more popular. Some people choose it as their main transport. But others still prefer to travel by buses or trains. Both points of view are presented in this essay.

Definitely, one of the most important advantages of the plane is speed. This fact saves, as a rule, several hours or days and attracts passengers who appreciate their time. For instance, air transport is the best choice for such purposes as one or two days’ business trips or short vacations. Secondly, aviation has a statistic as the safest way of travelling in the world. For example, air crashes happen rather seldom as compared with car accidents. As a result, numbers of people who died or were injured on roads are twice or triply as many as in the sky. Finally, during a flight passengers feel comfortable because they have an opportunity to book a meal, sleep, watch TV, stand up and walk along the plane salon.

On the other side of the coin, air transport has the most expensive price in contrast with cars, buses or trains. This reason forces people to save up money and choose another way of getting around. In addition, planes have a bad influence on people who suffer from different phobias or other diseases. Moreover, each flight can be cancelled because of rain, fog or snowfall.

Anyway, both options have such advantages as rapidity, safety, comfort and such disadvantages as high cost, rain out and individual intolerance. Personally, I usually visit farthest counties, and planes help me to spend more days on a vacation. To sum it up, I find air transport the most comfortable and suitable for travelling especially for long distances.

[silver999]

topics 4 ielts writinig

Dear all!

Could you please advise me where to get topics for ielts writing second task.